to feel taken for granted?

I would text her and say are those clothes for throwing out or was it that you wanted me to wash them? It feels a bit rude to me, to just leave them without saying anything.

I would just wash them and put them away until you see her again. At least you got a visit which is more than I get.

Throw her clothes awayclearly she desn't want them.and launder the ed linen

Reframe it as a compliment. She can still be the daughter in your house and you will look after her as you always have. Let it go. Not worth getting miffed about it.

OP, am also eagerly awaiting my DD to visit from New York and I always ask her ..Do you have any washing ..before she leaves again…think maybe you were overly tired when you started this post but I appreciate my DD wanting to visit as it’s quite an expense- in fact, and am quite sad every time she leaves ..so washing behind the door not an issue 😊

You doing her washing usually goes smoothly, I would think she simply forgot to put them where they were supposed to be.

Do not see the problem at all. They are clothes she keeps at your house for next visit. I would just wash and iron them and put them away ready for next visit and be very glad she visited.

I would machine wash but not iron the clothes, so they are not ready to wear when she returns, which will perhaps make the point that she is taking advantage of your good nature.

If it's clothes behind the door then maybe she left them by mistake, my grandson always manages to leave something behind. If it's bedlinen I would not expect any visitor to wash it themselves, I am grateful if they strip the bed.

I do not agree that it is normal for grown-up children to revert to teenage standards when visiting their parents. Neither my sister nor I did so, or would have got away with it if we tried, nor have our children done this.

If someone leaves clothes behind, then it is actually theft if you appropriate them for your own use, throw them out, or give them to charity, irrespective of who the original owner of the clothes is.

If it is bedlinen and towels, I would mention casually in my next letter or text to my daughter, that I fortunately found the dirty linen she had forgotten to put in the dirty clothes basket before it stank and leave it at that. If it is her clothes, mention that she forgot them, and that you have washed them and put them into a plastic bag or some other suitable container to await her next visit.

Wouldn’t bother me, would say when we next spoke, lazy mare, I’ve picked your washing up, all laundered for when you next here, miss you already!

I might be a bit miffed if the clothing had just been left in a pile on floor, as this was a pet peeve of mine, when children were at home. My middle DS often pops in with washing usually white T-shirts or shirts that has a mark that didn’t come out when he tried to wash it. I don’t mind although the last four pushed my eyesight to the limit as the marks weren’t obvious. He has two flaws he likes expensive clothes, ( he pays so not an issue) and he’s very particular anything white has to be brilliant white, even his trainers. A volunteer in one of our local charity shops used to be thrilled when I showed up with the bag of marked trainers as her son worn the same size and he was thrilled to get almost new trainers for a few pounds.

Don't make assumptions.
Perhaps when she gets home, mention the laundry and tell her where the washing machine is, if she needs instructions I'm sure you can help. But do NOT do it for her.

I am biased because I rather like doing son's washing within reason.

pascal30

she's reverted to teenagehood again hasn't she.. obviously feels very safe and loved at home..

Yes it’s odd how that happens, I used to go home and just sort of expected things to be done for me! I was an adult with 2 small children but still reverted to ‘Mum looks after me’ mode…. Until it became obvious my parents couldn’t cope so I took over then! This was decades ago now my parents both long dead and me almost as old as they were… but go back in time and I would probably revert to ‘teenager mode’ again, it’s automatic, however much you are used to doing your own chores away from ‘ home’!

MissAdventure

I'd have the hump if it was my daughter.
Not enough to fall out over, but I'd be peeved, because I don't like waiting on grown ups.

Exactly this, I would not dream of doing washing and Ironing for mine unless it was due to illness of an emergency. When do your children learn to manage their own lives if you constantly muddle cuddle them ? They leave the nest as adults and to lead their own lives. I have my own life and a busy one at that. So yes I would be miffed too, but would not fall out over it, we do not fall out in our family, because we know each others' boundaries. You are NOT being unreasonable at all OP.

You are probably tired. Having house guests is tiring but still lovely to have your children back home for a little while. You have had a little rant, that takes any negative pressure out of your head. So, you can move on and not make an issue out of this. For those people who suggest throwing their adult children's clothes in the bin etc. Be careful, they may assume that you have early onset dementia, if this sort of thing is quite out of character for you. I think, just let it go.

Throw it all in the bin.

However, I never realised there was an AIBU category for threads. Or I never realised what it stood for! I think I'll try that next time I want a bit of fun!

Poppyred

I bet you wish that you hadn’t posted now OP! Everyone jumping down your throat! I’m sure it was just a passing thought….we are all human after all.

Yes. Its funny!
It's one of those threads where the answers read ...
" Says more about the O/P than the daughter"
"It’s quite strange to see the things that upset people these days!"
"I think an awful lot of people aren't happy unless they have something to moan about."
" Are you yourself perfect?"
😂 😂

I'd have the hump if it was my daughter.
Not enough to fall out over, but I'd be peeved, because I don't like waiting on grown ups.

Poppyred this thread is in Am I Being Unreasonable. That is why people are giving certain opinions. Many posters think the OP is being unreasonable. The OP asked the question. People have given honest response. I agree, some are harsh and not what I would agree with.

We paid for their plane tickets too, she’s a single mum with an uncooperative ex. We want to help.

And we’ve just bought coats for two of the children since it’s summer there and they’ve grown out of their winter coats, and an older cousin has donated an almost new ski jacket (only worn for a week’s skiing) for his younger cousin. I may be using my M+S app to get a few more winter things for them, or popping to nearby Matalan or Asda to pick up some bits for them. We don’t mind, we’ll do anything to help them.

My daughter and her three children have just boarded and taken off from New Zealand. They’re coming here for four weeks over the Christmas/New Year period. I will be doing all their washing for the next four weeks along with ours.