tone of voice on the phone

Reception on a mobile phone has nothingto dowith the recpetion you receive and everything to do with how good reception is where your son was listening on his mobile phone.

We live in an area with very patchy and uncertain mobile phone reception and will have sometimes be unable to hear some people, even though, at their end of the phone recetion is perfect.

I always text message if I want help with something.This gives them time to think about it and get back to me. I usually get a message back quite swiftly saying ‘No problem, Mum’, and then we’ll speak and make arrangements. This means they are not caught on the hop.

Maybe he is upset about the dog’s illness too and just needed some time to gather his thoughts?

Do hope you manage to get things sorted for you all.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

You’re probably right there Caleo. Enjoying his walk with his ex and yet not wanting to upset his mum! A rock and a hard place for him. Silly misunderstandings hurt though don’t they?
“Least said soonest mended” perhaps is the best way forward.

I completely agree and think OP might be just a little over sensitive.

My phone is constantly hitting signal black spots! I am with O2 Why are you leaping to conclusions that he is avoiding the call! It is 100% possible that while you (on a landline) could hear him he on a mobile (especially out in the country away from a mast) might not be able to hear you! I often sound curt when I cannot hear someone very well as it is stressful!

I wouldn't dream of phoning my ACs during the working day, unless it was an absolute emergency. Agreed, texting is much better during day time- so they can reply when it is convenient.

Maybe one day when you are with your son and both reasonably relaxed you could say to him something like this: "I'd like to talk about how you and I are getting on. Does that work for you?" and if he says ok, then tell him your concerns truthfully and with love - without any judgements or accusations. Ask him how he is feeling and give him the great gift of really listening deeply. It might open up a happier way to be with each other - we all want to be heard and understood, without judgement.

Maybe your son was in a very serious discussion with his ex at the time, maybe they were arguing or whatever and your call came at the wrong time. When I call my son or DIL the first thing I always ask is whether they are busy or is it alright to talk, I try to avoid calling in work time unless it's really urgent.
I hope you speak to your DS very soon and all is well, hope the dog is too.

People still use phones??? How quaint.

If you used a mobile you could text him and ask if it’s a good time to call. That gives him time to think yes or no.
I use the breaking up excuse.

If you can post on here then you can text..! When you see your son next, ask him to show you how to do this - telling him that it will help him, as he can reply when he has time, rather than having to speak to you immediately when you ring him.
Just be prepared for the occasional long wait for a reply... and don't keep asking him when he's going to answer..!!

Do you have a good friend locally who could ring the vets for you ,with you beside her or him ?. That way ,they could ask any further questions that you needed to answer to clarify any information. So you would be able to get more details for yourself quicker than waiting for your son to ring. but also do learn how to do emails as you will find it useful I am sure. You are no doubt very sad about your pet, and anxiety can also make you possibly more sensitive or likely to be more upset about the way he speaks to you. So you have done well to come onto this site as we are generally a decent bunch of people and can try to help and give other viewpoints for us to consider. Hoping you have found some helpful tips and wishing you a peaceful christmas and will be reading more of the very varied posts we get on here .

I wonder if your hearing is affected. Have you had a hearing test? One of the modern devices may be able to help make the speech more accessible.

I would never ring any of my children or their partners unless DH was ill and they wanted an update. They all have their own, very demanding lives. They contact me when it is convenient for them; it is always convenient for me.

You are not being unreasonable to feel hurt, that is how you feel, however, the majority of contact now is via text or Whattsapp.

Maybe he just doesn’t want to answer the phone but knows you would feel upset if he didn’t, so although he answers is annoyed at having to.

I am guilty of this myself, I do not like being contactable all the time so let calls go to voicemail.

Caleo

PS Pasqual, my son is retired and was walking with his friend in a country park when I rang.
I may say I am good in my own company and I like to act for myself whenever I can. I seldom ask for advice. I feel this son does not quite understand questions about ongoing chronic pain relief for a dog with early -stage terminal cancer. I don't know enough which us why I need to consult the vet ,who happens to be Romanian. Son is good with foreign accents.

However, seldom you ask for advice and however good you are at managing for yourself, you are actually not doing either vis à vis your son in this instance. You are asking him to talk on your behalf with your vet because you find the man difficult to understand, due to his accent.

Why should your son accede to this request? He may feel that a dog with terminal cancer should not be treated, but should be put to sleep, which would be my attitude. He may not find the vet easy to talk to, and your son cannot make the decisions that only you could or should make.

You say he was with a friend when you phoned him, good enough reason to be short with you.

Why don't you just find a vet you can understand?

I don't think that a dog with early -stage terminal cancer should neccessarily be put to sleep at the time of diagnosis. Caleo, you know your dog best (as he / she knows you). It could be right that the emotion involved for you both made the phonecall more brusque from your son & yourself more sensitive to that. Second Monica on the reception issue, just cos you can hear doesn't mean the person you're calling can.

I think Gingster’s suggestion of texting first is a good one. This means of communication isn’t affected by tone of voice, yours or your son’s, and it gives the recipient a chance to get back to you at a convenient time.

I have terrible reception on my mobile phone, can cut off quite often during conversations. Your DS can lose reception and not clearly hear a conversation.

It is possible for the line to sound clear one end of a mobile phone conversation and like someone is speaking under water the other end. Maybe text your son next time asking him to call for a chat later that day or tomorrow, when he is able to sit comfortably for a few minutes.

Auntie E, Thank you for defending my dog's interests however I must defend myself against your allegations. Firstly my son is by careful arrangement co-carer of the dog, and he has urged me to ring him at any time Despite his helpfulness I don't ring him except for sufficient reason, and he has never objected to my phone call. My qualm concerned puzszlement about his tone of voice which was at odds with his expressed wishes.

Your other allegation that I should choose to euthanise the dog forthwith is against the vet's advice for palliative treatment until such a time as the dog is in pain. At present, with a maintenance analgesic (Pandale) as prescribed by the vet, the dog is well and happy and doing all his accustomed behaviour, showing no sign of pain. Plus he feels much better and eats better after having had two loose teeth extracted. . Any oral conditions he may have will however be inoperable from now on.

Sarah R thank you so much for your explanation that sets my mind at rest .

Madeleine45, Thanks I expect to have a peaceful little Xmas with no upsets and I wish something like that for you .I do agree with you that Gransnet is excellent for personal help and advice from a variety of very experienced posters. I don't always reply but I do read and appreciate the help I see being given here.

I believe you do understand that my trouble at the vet's is comunications. The vet did an excellent job with the actual surgery, However I've had to prompt the vet for advice about after care. I usually leave phone conversations of this sort to my sons who are rather good at it, as I 'm not good at foreign or local accents. The veterinary nurse whose accent I can understand gave me some frankly incorrect info.

Yesterday I took the bit between my teeth and requested a telephone consultation with the vet concerning palliative care. As it turned out she spoke English with little or no foreign accent and was brief and incisive, so all's well that ends well.

Sue Doku, thanks, you would in reason think so but you don't know what a duffer I am with mobile phones!

knspol, Good advice!

I do start my calls with "Is it okay to ring right now?" Except for an urgent emergency, and I have reasonably good judgement as to what those may be.

Error :

should have written Pardale V .

Analgesic for dogs containing codeine and paracetamol preparation. Prescription only.