tone of voice on the phone

Perhaps he didn’t like what you were saying to him?
Deflection technique.

I very, very rarely ring my children during their working day. Mostly, my communications are with the daughters-in-law.

He didn't want to talk or hear what you were saying... as above deflection technique

I understand--deflection technique.
My next concern is what am I doing wrong , as this frequently happens.

The matter concerned my dog's ongoing pain relief and phoning the vet for advice , and he's very very fond of my dog. I often have to ask a son to phone for me as I am bad with foreign accents.

Well knowing nothing about it or the parties concerned my first guess is that he doesn't want to be bothered about it.
Whatever the it is.
I don't know what you can do about it.
Can anyone else liaise with the vet for you?

PS Pasqual, my son is retired and was walking with his friend in a country park when I rang.
I may say I am good in my own company and I like to act for myself whenever I can. I seldom ask for advice. I feel this son does not quite understand questions about ongoing chronic pain relief for a dog with early -stage terminal cancer. I don't know enough which us why I need to consult the vet ,who happens to be Romanian. Son is good with foreign accents.

Welbeck , so it sounds! However he would do anything to help the dog who he loves very much. I am afraid it's something wrong with the way I make my request to him that causes him to be defensive. You are probably right. Maybe it would take a psychologist to advise what I should say or not say. I can tell you---it feels like walking on eggshells.

Maybe he just wanted to walk and talk with his friend. But he should’ve said so! “Look mum I’m just out with —- can I ring you back later?”

He will know you’re upset about your dog and possibly (fleetingly) thought “I don’t have time for this right now”. Also thinking “I’ll have to ring the vet too”.

Try not to be upset. Try suggesting that in future if he feels ambushed he could ignore your call for now and ring you back.

Maybe if you ask him how he would like to communicated with when you need help and advice it may shame him into being more helpful.. I'm not suggesting in previous post that I think his deflection is reasonable..

Thanks FGT and Pascal. I'll think about that. I wish you were both here to intervene for me!

I never call my DD's during their working day either ; if I need them any time soon I WhatsApp and ask them to contact me when they can talk. This works well for us, it is not rocket science and avoids me interrupting them when they are on a conference call/in meetings/assessing students etc

Caleo you could try ringing the vet's surgery yourself, explain/apologise to the receptionist that you need to discuss your dog's treatment with the vet but you're not good with accents, and could they help you please.

Fried Green Tomatoes. That could be it! The friend was his ex wife whom he loves very much and they are great friends . He values his daily walks with her. She is friendly to me too.

Alternatively could you email the vet and have a conversation that way?

V3ra

Caleo you could try ringing the vet's surgery yourself, explain/apologise to the receptionist that you need to discuss your dog's treatment with the vet but you're not good with accents, and could they help you please.

This is a very sensible suggestion.. especially if it is an ongoing problem...

It is certainly possible that the signal was poor in a country park.
Perhaps you could check with your son how he prefers to be contacted. Text messages or emails are less intrusive, if that’s the issue.

FGT, besides loving his ex wife, he has a strong feeling of responsibility towards me, so I guess that makes him defensive, what do you think? Thanks in anticipation.

V3ra, I did just that this morinng before ringing my son. The receptionist herself had such a strong local accent that as far as I was concerned she may as well have been speaking with a strong foreign accent. I said to her I'd get someone else to ring later.

You’re probably right there Caleo. Enjoying his walk with his ex and yet not wanting to upset his mum! A rock and a hard place for him. Silly misunderstandings hurt though don’t they?
“Least said soonest mended” perhaps is the best way forward.

Cabbie, I don't know how to text message but I can do emails, That is an excellent idea. Will do asap.

My son is often offhand. I’ve got used to it over the years. Don’t worry. I expect they think we are a nuisance. They’ll be old one day.

Caleo..if you have a mobile phone could you ask someone to show you how to send texts? Once you've been shown it is quite easy and quick to use...

Tomatoes, oh gosh yes! Least said soonest mended certainly applies in my case.

A friend of mine had an awful manner of speaking she would argue her point an infinitum, she tried to get work as a receptionist twice but didn’t get past the trial period. She did get elected as a Tory councillor, that lasted until she picked a fight with the local Tory agent.