worrying about death

Dawn my husband was diagnosed with grade 4 malignant melanoma in January 2021 we knew he wouldn't live 5 years . Once the cancer was removed he only wanted me and our 2 children know he was going to die . And his way to cope as in his words he didn't want to be tried as a dead man walking. So we lived with the sword of Damocles hanging over head . It was very important to him that he was treated as normal. He couldn't have stood being pitied.

The sword dropped October 2003 with 3 tumour in his right lung ,one in his chest and 2 optical nerve in his brain . He was given 4 months to 2 years to live but we knew he only had months . We had to tell everyone and he cut people out of his life who treated him as different .

He died 4 days after his 47th birthday he died live the 4 months . The irony of this I was born disabled with a rare hereditary neurological condition and and hole in the side of my heart .

But it was my fit healthy husband who got cancer and died.

I can understand why you fear death. But you are missing out on the now and future . My husband was a wise man and knew what I needed to live without him and that was a series of promises the main one was to live the best life you can. We had been together since I was 16 he was 18 29 years and married 22.

Because of my husband I don't live with what ifs or if onlies . I only had my 2 diagnosis of what I was born with in 2020/2021 my heart 2022 my rare hereditary neurological condition.

Dawn you and your husband have had 42 years so far you say you are 63 you could have another 20 years together . You are missing out on living your life to the full. I bet your husband is worried about you not sleeping . Talk to him about your fear and get him to hold you while you tell him .

Please do not miss all the opportunities you have now and for the future you have together. Cherish what you have and don't worry about death. There is no point. None of use know how long we live . What was important to my husband was quality of life not quantity. Its important to me to . So I live my life to the full.

I grieve everyday day for my husband and as the years go by it gets worse but my love for him is as strong as ever. Grief for the other half of yourself is bone crushing but you learn to live with it.

You have your husband make everyday count and please stop worrying about death . Death will come when it does but fear of it is you are missing out on living .

So sorry you’re going through this, condolences.
I also think you should seek some grief counselling. Your father would want you to live your best life, so please find some counselling.

Why not seek some counselling. There are grief and bereavement counsellors and I have friends who have benefitted immensely from such grief counselling.

Shakespeare once wrote something along the lines of " Grief is the price we pay for love" You are paying the price for that love but it will ease, I promise you. Best wishes. 👌
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