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I can’t stop thinking about

(84 Posts)
Quizzer Tue 04-Feb-25 15:19:00

DH has bought some inappropriate presents during our lifelong relationship - too many to list here.
However, at my son’s last Christmas, everyone was opening presents from their partners when I realised that I had nothing from DH.
Later he said “well, you said there was nothing you particularly wanted”. How could he not even buy chocolates or something? By the way he doesn’t buy, or get involved with presents for anyone else. We are not hard up. He doesn’t me begrudge spending money on family presents but says I am too fussy.

Every time gifts are mentioned by anyone I just feel like crying and he seems totally unaware that I am upset.

RosieandherMaw Wed 05-Feb-25 00:02:54

Haven’t you posted/started a thread on this before? I can’t remember what advice you were offered then, but presumably it didn’t help?

MissAdventure Tue 04-Feb-25 23:51:08

Give him a choice of items, online, or in somewhere like argos, then ask him to choose one, and get it for you.

It'll be difficult to make a list, since you don't want or need anything though, surely?

Eloethan Tue 04-Feb-25 23:11:11

When you said there was nothing you particularly wanted, maybe he thought you meant you didn't want a present.

I don't really enjoy getting presents. I find it a bit nerve wracking because if I get something I really don't need or want I find it difficult to look pleased. My husband is quite good though because he knows the sorts of things I like and he remembers if I happen to mention something.

Maybe it would be better to give your husband a list of things you would like - and then he can choose one or two out of the list so it is still a nice surprise. Or, as Nanicky says, just ask for the money and get something you really want.

AreWeThereYet Tue 04-Feb-25 18:22:44

Are you more bothered about the lack of present or the embarrassment of not having a present to open in front of other people?

If he says you're too fussy sounds like he's been nagged in the past for getting the wrong thing, so maybe he's given up trying to please.

Franski Tue 04-Feb-25 17:59:06

Buy yourself something you see during the year that you really love. Wrap it up and give it to him to give you on the day. He will be heaving a sigh of relief. You'll get something you want.

Elowen33 Tue 04-Feb-25 17:58:29

You have said he his not good at presents so give him a list to choose from, I doubt he will change now.

Marydoll Tue 04-Feb-25 17:54:43

Rainbow1235

Whilst I feel sorry that you’re upset I also feel there are peaple out there with real struggles and problems . If u want something do as I do and buy it yourself that way u wont be disappointed x

Ditto!

kittylester Tue 04-Feb-25 17:37:32

Glad you said that Jaxjacky - thought I'd entered a time warp.

pascal30 Tue 04-Feb-25 17:32:47

As this has been playing on your mind I suspect you feel unloved and unappreciated.. Perhaps try talking to him about how you really feel..

Nanicky Tue 04-Feb-25 17:12:24

Go and treat yourself to something really nice, and enjoy. Ask him for money for next present, and spend it when you want to. I always have the money, never disappointed then. 😊

V3ra Tue 04-Feb-25 17:10:29

What would you like him to have bought you? What would have been acceptable?
Were you bothered because you were with other people and you were conscious of what they might think?

He says you're too fussy. He's not going to take a chance and get it wrong, and probably not for the first time ☹️

AGAA4 Tue 04-Feb-25 17:07:55

He asked you what you wanted and you told him nothing in particular which must have left not knowing what to get. I know some men are not great with presents so it's better to give them a list to choose from.
I wouldn't feel too hurt by this. He is not very imaginative and obviously didn't have a clue.
Just make sure to let him know when your birthday comes around. I know it's not a surprise but better than getting nothing.

vegansrock Tue 04-Feb-25 17:02:24

My DH and I don’t buy each other presents for Christmas/birthdays. . He’ll buy me something like watercolour paper when I’ve run out or a heated back massager when I’ve had a bad back. I’ve bought him a few DIY things from Lidl I think he’d like as and when. Not just for an “occasion”

eazybee Tue 04-Feb-25 16:54:19

If it bothers you, as it clearly does now, give him a list of five things you would like with precise details and where they can be obtained, and ask him to choose one and wrap it,, so it will be a surprise.

Nagmad2016 Tue 04-Feb-25 16:28:27

After years of unwanted gifts from my DH I told him not to bother buying me gifts. If there is something I particularly like I just buy it for myself, and he does the same. It's no big deal, so much money is wasted on unwanted, inappropriate gifts, so just treat yourself and have what you like.

Shelflife Tue 04-Feb-25 16:28:18

We don't always buy each other presents. Does' nt bother me in the least , I have more to worry about ! Don't let this sour your relationship.

Rainbow1235 Tue 04-Feb-25 16:27:14

Whilst I feel sorry that you’re upset I also feel there are peaple out there with real struggles and problems . If u want something do as I do and buy it yourself that way u wont be disappointed x

fancythat Tue 04-Feb-25 16:22:15

Is there something else going in your life, that you are really upset about?

whywhywhy Tue 04-Feb-25 16:19:42

Just let it go. Next year get him to pay for a subscription for a craft magazine. Learn a new craft and stop dwelling on things.

petra Tue 04-Feb-25 16:18:18

Don’t you think it’s a tad over the top to still feel like crying after all this time.
If he’s caring and generous 364 days a year that’s more important than one day.
And you did say there was nothing you wanted.
Men aren’t mind readers.

MissAdventure Tue 04-Feb-25 16:12:51

It does sound as if you can't stop thinking about it, are there deeper issues going on, perhaps, because it does seem a minor thing to be so upset about?

We've had some funny threads in the past, about awful presents, and a fair few were from husbands

Greenfinch Tue 04-Feb-25 16:11:19

I cannot see what all the fuss is about. If there was nothing that you particularly wanted then why waste his money? I have friends who bring me chocolate that I don’t want and have said so just so they don’t come empty handed.At Christmas we bought presents for our granddaughter’s boyfriend but he didn’t buy anything for us. No problem!

crazyH Tue 04-Feb-25 16:09:53

I wouldn’t put any importance on gifts. My husband bought me lavish gifts, but all the time, he was having an affair . He is now an Ex.

Aldom Tue 04-Feb-25 16:07:14

My advice is, let it go. There are far worse things to be concerned about in this life. Believe me, I know.

downtoearth Tue 04-Feb-25 16:06:43

Dont think it is about the present, but the thought behind it, a 50p present with thought and love is better than no thought at all, my ex husband lovely man but couldnt be bothered.