To Move Again Or Accept ...

Immediate thoughts - you could consider staying in the area you are now in, but look for a really great happier place there. Your family is being busy and preoccupied now, but most families rally round if you really needed it. but only you can decide on that bit.

Hang on for the length of time for you not to lose too much money from the house transaction and then move on. Peruse the real estate agents around and find something that you like. You are young yet, a lot of years to go!

I always ( my opinion only) think it’s not ideal to move to be near family for the very reasons you have discovered they have their own lives which may be very different to what you have imagined and it may not be fair to just go back for the possible needed care and attention
Mid 60s is still very young and there’s no point being close to family if they are not really free to be involved with you however moving back to where you were will be hugely expensive and disruptive …,maybe it’s just the boring bungalow
Why not give it a bit more time to settle and stabilise yourselves and make your bungalow less boring What does your husband think ?
As money doesn’t seem a problem lots of holidays back to wales or would that make you more homesick?
I think you’ve made the decision and need to stick with it now but do you know I ve got the feeling you may not

After living in Wales for 7 years, even in a remote area you must have built up a network f friends and acquaintances round you that were part of your everyday life.

You will have lost all these when you moved and in a year in your new home not yet had a chance to replace that network. Is that contributing to your disillusionment with your new home. If that is the case give it another year while you and your DH consciously go out to replace that hidden network of people that surround most of us, everyone from the postman to the proprietor of the local corner shop.

You say you have seen a lovely bungalow in Wales near amenities, Is it near where you used to live? Will you be able to slot back into your old network of friends and activities.

When my DD were looking for a retirement place. They looked for all the obvious things - shops, doctor etc, but they also checked out what was going on locally and decided against two areas because however good the facilities, there were no groups or activities in the area that interested them. Is this a problem where you live now.

BlueBelle

I always ( my opinion only) think it’s not ideal to move to be near family for the very reasons you have discovered they have their own lives which may be very different to what you have imagined and it may not be fair to just go back for the possible needed care and attention
Mid 60s is still very young and there’s no point being close to family if they are not really free to be involved with you however moving back to where you were will be hugely expensive and disruptive …,maybe it’s just the boring bungalow
Why not give it a bit more time to settle and stabilise yourselves and make your bungalow less boring What does your husband think ?
As money doesn’t seem a problem lots of holidays back to wales or would that make you more homesick?
I think you’ve made the decision and need to stick with it now but do you know I ve got the feeling you may not

Good advice here which I echo.
Change things inside the bungalow?Make the garden lovely while you have the energy.You will be glad to be near your family as you age and you now have amenities at hand.They don’t need to be popping round every single week but you can see them quickly when you need to, without living in each others pockets.Make new friends and acquaintances by joining a couple of clubs.Explore your new areas.If you leave now and return to Wales your family will feel you’re rejecting them.

Wyllow3

Immediate thoughts - you could consider staying in the area you are now in, but look for a really great happier place there. Your family is being busy and preoccupied now, but most families rally round if you really needed it. but only you can decide on that bit.

I would agree with this.

Living close to a GP surgery will not guarantee a timely appointment. If you can afford to move then do it whilst you are fit and agile enough - but have you considered discussing your reasons for wanting to move with family? Their circumstances might change and thus making them more available for visiting. Communication has to take place in at least two directions, have the conversation before making any firm decisions.

I wouldn't worry too much about the family not visiting. They know you're ok and nearby if they need you, too! Also we are coming out of winter- so you may be seeing more of them soon.
The advice given to settle in your new home is good. Make the place your own and maybe join a gardening/walking group to meet people. It is never a good thing to over-rely on family for a social life.
Even though you are surrounded by houses (and clearly didn't consider this when you moved) I am sure there are parks and local beauty spots not far away- just get out more now the warm weather is coming.
You will miss Wales because it is beautiful but why not go back for a holiday? Even take the family with you? You could go to places you never had time to go before.
But first, find out more about the place you live- it will take time but I'm sure there will be good things for you there.

I agree with Bluebelle about not moving too close to family. They too need their `family` space and privacy without the thought of parents just popping in, hence the conscious withdrawal on their part in order to keep the dividing line. That should have been uppermost in your mind OP when you decided to move

Personally, I moved to somerset with one DD in Wales and one in Wiltshire. Not too far but not too close to either. Five years on and I am making friends here and have a new allotment, none of that `just happens, you have to make things happen. Our family relationship is fantastic I am never needy but know that my family would rush to help if needed

I would wait a while, do a bit more to try and get some roots down, bearing in mind that moving is very expensive. Instead of negatives, try to find positives in your life and some more independence

On balance, I think I'd be inclined to stay put.

As a person who was obliged to move around a lot, I've never felt a sense of belonging. I've abandoned the idea now and just accept what I have.

The family thing.... maybe unrealistic expectations possibly?

You moved for all the right reasons and only you can make yourselves happy where you are. It's easy to see what's wrong but you have to put yourselves in the mind-frame of what is right with your move - e.g. proximity to family (even if you feel you don't see them enough) and all other facilities and amenities.

We did exactly what you have done - in our mid sixties too - to be nearer our family (at their request) and we were determined that we would make it work. It's challenging and exciting creating a new home - we went from a 17th century cottage with a huge garden and orchard to a modern four bed with small garden. This was a deliberate choice thinking about ageing. I have absolutely loved changing the garden already here, and improving the house for our own comfort.

Of course there's a novelty value with the family when you first move - it was the same for us. And it does drop off, they have busy lives - but they are here for you when needed.

Re-frame your thinking - it's all an attitude of mind - join in your community and it's the right time of the year coming up to get gardening - do you have a bit plot as there often is with bungalows? Think of all the things you do have rather than those you don't. Good luck OP.

Sorry - I obviously meant 'a big plot'!!!!

I know what you mean about houses all round and how opressive it can be. We moved from the end cottage in a hamlet of seven houses to the middle of a village of 50 houses and it felt like the metropolis! I felt overlooked all the time for years although only one house could see into the garden!

When we decided to move we moved to the edge of a town so the children had busses (finally) and the ability to walk to activities.

This was exactly the same... but we have been here for years now and are comfortable with being "squashed in" now.

If the house is truly "not you" but can be tweaked I'd start with that. If not you will have to move. Either way, I'd stay a couple of years to see if you can adapt.
Do go out of your way to make friends where you are though.

I do feel for you.

BlueBelle

I always ( my opinion only) think it’s not ideal to move to be near family for the very reasons you have discovered they have their own lives which may be very different to what you have imagined and it may not be fair to just go back for the possible needed care and attention
Mid 60s is still very young and there’s no point being close to family if they are not really free to be involved with you however moving back to where you were will be hugely expensive and disruptive …,maybe it’s just the boring bungalow
Why not give it a bit more time to settle and stabilise yourselves and make your bungalow less boring What does your husband think ?
As money doesn’t seem a problem lots of holidays back to wales or would that make you more homesick?
I think you’ve made the decision and need to stick with it now but do you know I ve got the feeling you may not

I completely agree

Rather than missing Wales, it may be that you are a bit disgruntled about not being as involved with the family as you might have wished. I agree about staying put and making the most of the bungalow and garden. Definitely go on holiday to Wales as often as you can.

Personally I don’t think it a good idea to rely on family for any future care needs, or to assume that family will have the time, and will be willing.

IMO anyone who can afford it, should be prepared to pay for much of the help they may need. Families are often a lot busier than they were a generation or so ago, now that two salaries are so often needed to pay the mortgage.

IMO, OP, there’s a great deal to be said for being close to shops, GP, etc. Could you face all the hassle (and expense!) of another move? Is there anything you can do to make your current house more ‘yours’?

I would like to move closer (but not too close to) family simply because if there is an emergency it would be very inconvenient for them to travel here. It would be nice to see more of them but they are very busy so I have no illusions on that score. A little more often perhaps but not a lot.

In your position OP I would stay in the area you have moved to because having facilities nearby is important (though in your mid sixties you are quite young!). I would however look for a property which is more to your liking. I could move nearer family tomorrow if I were willing to settle for a boring bungalow with no views other than of other bungalows/houses, but I absolutely will not settle for that and I’m ten years older than you. I have a contemporary house which is pretty unique and I won’t settle for less. I don’t want to live in something ‘ordinary’. So my advice is to look for a property, not necessarily a bungalow, which is interesting and not (and not likely to be) surrounded by other houses. It may take a while but don’t settle for second best.

PS yes I know I am lucky to be able to afford to be choosy but I have the impression that the OP also has that ability.

We have 4 AC living in the same town and 1 living about 50 minutes drive away. We don’t see much of them as they are busy with their children and jobs and have in in-laws to consider as well. However when DH was diagnosed with a serious illness a year ago which involved 3 hospital stays and a lot of appointments they were so supportive in every possible way. Things are improving now so seeing less of them but I would urge the OP to consider this aspect.

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What is it you most miss about Wales, beautiful countryside?friends? activities?. Can you find a way to have this where you are now? A years not long and mid 60s isn't old, I would give it another year and see how you feel then.

You've been away for 9 years and your family has learnt to live their lives without you just around the corner. The younger generations lives are very busy these days and it's not really sensible to expect them to suddenly change their lives to fit around you. I'm sure that as you get older they will probably rally around to help, although you shouldn't expect to rely on them. Only you can decide whether or not the pull of living in Wales is what you really want.

Well we moved to Wales about the same time you left ,I suppose. Again family said we can have lovely holidays etc. But again like you we very rarely see one of my DC and the children. However we love where we are, The lovely people, countryside, clean air etc. However infirm we get we shall try to stay here. If I were you I’d leg it back to Wales pronto, and live in a place you love

My sister-in-law moved to live very near her son and family. Big mistake. Her daughter-in-law hated it. There was tension , so s.I.l. sold up and moved to an apartment, near but far enough