woops!!!! I have been told I have really upset a Grandchild

Aveline

I have often seen it in autistic adolescence. It's completely understandable that for people who struggle with change, which is almost all of them, the bodily changes of puberty are extremely unwelcome. Of course they don't want breasts and periods and the inevitable chat at school about relationships. For concrete thinkers, gender neutrality seems logical. Others may take it to extremes and go for surgery. This is very sad as, with support, they can make to adult life without going to these lengths. Various dangerous websites promote gender realignment etc and also, tragically, anorexia as a way of holding on to a child's body. Very sad.

Interesting insights there.

Its actually more or less exactly what a MH psychologist of 25 years experience gave as her opinion on the "why's" to me when it was discussed (I'm not personally involved in any way)
what she said, and is most significant, is the amount of support to discuss and understand the issues is grossly lacking for these young people.

Puberty blockers are banned on the NHS indefinitely until 18 years old. And then long waiting lists.

Surgery very, very rare.

But the private sector is different.

Aveline, I 'm interested in your explanation and I hope you would write more about gender neutrality , and concrete thinkers.

I have been puzzling about the difference between someone who wants to be free of gender stereotyping and someone who wants to change their body. Do these have different causes?

I mean, free- thinking people all want liberation from gender stereotyping whenever possible.

The tail seems to wag the dog these days Sarnia.
I feel sorry for your young granddaughter who was treated shabbily in my opinion.

I have often seen it in autistic adolescence. It's completely understandable that for people who struggle with change, which is almost all of them, the bodily changes of puberty are extremely unwelcome. Of course they don't want breasts and periods and the inevitable chat at school about relationships. For concrete thinkers, gender neutrality seems logical. Others may take it to extremes and go for surgery. This is very sad as, with support, they can make to adult life without going to these lengths. Various dangerous websites promote gender realignment etc and also, tragically, anorexia as a way of holding on to a child's body. Very sad.

It is a very interesting topic of study. It is proven that individuals with autism are more likely to have gender dysphoria and it is particularly noticeable in female to male transition.

I had always thought this might be because many people with autism have what are seen as male traits - no definition here - totally unscientific of course! So a female with autism might have more of a male brain maybe.

It will be interesting to see how the research develops.

The link between ASD and trans is undeniable. I haven’t looked at the research but will do so. On a simplistic level, is it a surprise that adolescents/young adults who have never fitted in, often been excluded from eg school trips and class birthday parties begin to have more difficulties with their move into adult bodies than your average bear

You were correct. as you probably know to use the pronoun and personal name that applied at the time. The problem is the grandchild is acting as an over-indulged bully.

It's bad behaviour on the part of any younger relative to be so discourteous to any person of your age. His/her mother should have told him/her so. He/she is abnormally irritable and reactive.I do not know how a mental health professional would correct such bad socialisation as he/she appears to suffer from.

It seems you were wise to apologise because you are not going to be able to re-educate the young relative to be less irritable and reactive.

I sympathise with young people who are transitioning, and few of them are discourteous to an elderly relative

Your problem remains one of trying to walk on eggshells.

Same here. I keep forgetting the new name. I don't understand it and I believe it is a consequence of mental health diagnosis - autism.

We don't see them very often. They don't have any interest in us. The look is of a tomboy not male and the injections to stop periods have stunted growth.

She was a very pretty little girl. I find it quite sad.

Good to know all is harmonious again franbern. You did the right thing

Maybe GNHQ won't let them upload Allira

Probably, OhOhOh, if they've improved their screening systems in the light of recent events on MN.

I think I'll give him a swerve!

OhOhOh

Maybe GNHQ won't let them upload Allira. On consideration, I can't blame them really; the sight of a balding overweight man, dressed in women's skimpy clothing, whilst sporting size Z prosthetic breasts and cartoon nipples isn't a pleasant sight. Must have been even more unpleasant for the children that were forced to be taught by him, especially in view of the fact that he only dressed like that in the classroom. Have a Google for "Kayla Lemieux" or his real name Alexandre Boisvert.

Those poor children being taught by someone dressed like that.

Maybe GNHQ won't let them upload Allira. On consideration, I can't blame them really; the sight of a balding overweight man, dressed in women's skimpy clothing, whilst sporting size Z prosthetic breasts and cartoon nipples isn't a pleasant sight. Must have been even more unpleasant for the children that were forced to be taught by him, especially in view of the fact that he only dressed like that in the classroom. Have a Google for "Kayla Lemieux" or his real name Alexandre Boisvert.

OhOhOh

Sorry, missed the photo

We seem to be missing the photos again.

Barleyfields

That’s disgraceful Sarnia. That person should not be teaching. I hope they are severely disciplined.

I agree.
Outrageous, that person should not be teaching if they are so fragile and touchy.

Hope it gets sorted and your DGD is not too upset, Sarnia.

Franbern so glad everything is now back to normal for you and got a thank you . 🌹

Barleyfields

That’s disgraceful Sarnia. That person should not be teaching. I hope they are severely disciplined.

I completely agree.. this child is 12 and was being respectful.. This is absolutely disgraceful and TBH absolutely bonkers

Sorry, missed the photo

This Canadian male teacher insisted that he was a woman and this is how he appeared in class. When challenged he said “I don’t think there’s any problem with how I have dressed. It’s the personal opinion of other people. I don’t think I have dressed unprofessionally,” she said.

... when they stop being ....

Heaven's above! - this is beyond reason.

The sign that trans people have finally arrived and are accepted will be when they so being so bloody touchy and accept that not everyone will get it right all the time. It is bad enough when adults get pulled up for their "errors", but for a child to get a detention is quite beyond the pale.

As I have said upthread my dear GC who is in this boat has not jettisoned good manners, consideration for others, common sense and kindness along with their former gender.

Sounds like an over-reaction by the teacher to GD as the teacher could have simply said, "you can call me x".

Unless the children had definitely been told what to call X and was taunting the teacher, but its so clearly not the case here.
It might have been happening however and GD totally unwittingly caught up in it.

That’s disgraceful Sarnia. That person should not be teaching. I hope they are severely disciplined.

Did this supply teacher inform your GD's class that he was identifying as a woman and he did not want to be addressed as 'Sir' Sarnia?

If not, in her mum's position I would take the matter to the Head and the Board of Governors. If he had then it should be pointed out this was a genuine mistake by your GD, due to the fact he sounds like and dresses like a man and the decision to give a detention was in the circumstances unprofessional.

My 12 year old GD was given her first ever detention a couple of weeks ago by a supply teacher.
Her crime was to call this teacher 'Sir' when answering a question. When she was telling me about it she told me they dressed like a man and spoke like a man but it seems this teacher identifies as a woman. They were offended, hence the detention.
My GD is a very quiet girl and is so upset by this that she is refusing to go back to school to face the teachers who she thinks will be cross with her and her peers who she thinks will make fun of her.
Her Mum is currently in conversation with the Head of Year but it is an uphill struggle as she sympathises with the supply teacher.
I am all for live and let live but am I alone in thinking the scales are tipped in favour of those who are offended by the slightest thing? They seek tolerance but show none to those of us who are older and not up to speed with this crazy world.

Galaxy

The day you are in charge of forcing your beliefs on others I will let you know. It's not kindness to insist others dont Eexpress their protected beliefs.

It isn't about forcing your beliefs on others it is about calling people by a name they are happy with. It isn't only trans people or non binary people who decide they wish to use another name. It is just rude to ignore that.

I've seen threads on here from posters upset as the "other" grandmother has taken the name they want the child to use, is it OK to want to choose that title but wrong to want to choose your own name?

I chose the name I wanted to use at 11, nothing to do with my sex or gender, I just didn't like that name. Think of it like if my name was Fatima and my family "affectionately" called me Fatty and I didn't like that. Do I have a right to say that? After 60 years is it unreasonable to think my family should use the name I want? Is it reasonable that I have great nieces/nephews who were born more than 40 years after I said I want to be called "X" who still insist on calling me my equivalent of Fatty?

Ignore the sex and gender stuff as it is a separate issue and use the name that people regard as "their" name.

Did you insist on calling Marilyn Monroe Norma or Cary Grant Archie? How about calling Stewart Granger James. I bet you wouldn't have called Muhammad Ali Casius if you bumped into him.

None of the above name changes had anything to do with sex or gender.