woops!!!! I have been told I have really upset a Grandchild

Franbern 💐

Well done Franbern. I am so glad. You sound a wise and wonderful woman.

Glad to hear it's all been sorted.

Excellent!

I'm glad all's well that ends well, Franbern.

Good news. I’m glad all’s well. Thanks for updating us.

That's good to hear, Franbern.

All's well that ends well.

I'm glad to hear it's been sorted Fanbern; your family are blessed with a loving mum and GM.

Franbern 💖

Thanks to all for the comments here. Card has been received and Thank You message for it sent to me.
It was no great deal and when I first started this thread it was more in amusement than in anything else.
I still question what I did was actually 'deadnaming' them. Yes, I did use what they call their deadname (ie the one the were called by when a child). but it was when I was talking about them as a small child. I would not dream of using that name for them now - use their preferred one.
I do respect their choices in their life - do not particularly like it or agree with it, but respect them for their choice.
They were very upset when I used that name (even though referring to it in regard to a story of some 16 years ago). I have learned something, will never repeat that mistake again.

I am a great believer in avoiding any sort of falling out between myself, my children and my grandchildren. And ass the older person I also feel it is down to me to make the first move in any reconciliation. My family come a very long way before any sort of pride in much matters.

I get very upset when I hear or learn of people who are not talking to parents, children, etc. etc. Life is far too short for this. So, my pretty large family and five adult children, four husband/wives, eight grandchildren with a couple or partners, all get on pretty well - that is the way I want to it to continue.

Good to apologise for the sake of the relationship. If i ever offend anyone unintentionally about anything, then I would do what is kind and necessary to make things right. Even so...this is all an utterly unpredictable season of shifting sand. And for some inexplicable and inconsistent reason some people are allowed to be offended and others aren't. The rules have rapidly changed in the past 10 years and perfectly polite and reasonable people easily "get it wrong" ...so i sympathise with the OP and am sorry we have to plead ' silly old age' to get a social reprieve! I was in a bus today listening to someone effing and blinding loudly on the phone. Offended? Probably. And fed up. Entitled to an apology.....erm.....no. i think thats what gets me the most..the inconsistency about whose feelings matter.

Allira- surely if you were binary one name is plenty.
You aren't going to need two names!
I still don't get it.

By sending that card, you are trying to build a bridge between you and your grandchild - well done. And I hope all is sorted soon x

I might have sent a message saying "I'm sorry that you were offended or upset..." not "I'm sorry that I offended you..." because the former puts the onus on them to be aware that it is because of their actions that an innocent act was sufficient to upset them. You did not intend offence but if it was taken that is not your responsibility. You've apologised therefore honour is satisfied.

Treating people with respect and dignity is something we should aim to do for everyone. Trans people do not have a monopoly

I haven't come across this yet so don't really have an opinion. My friend has a daughter who changed from a son and deeply regrets it. Too late after surgery so can't go back. I've met one of her trans friends who is a lovely kind caring person. I like her very much. Infact I treat people as individuals, regardless of gender, disability religion etc etc. The OPs granddaughter should have called the OP aside at the time and said the name she wants to be called by. Definitely not make a huge fuss about it afterwards to an elderly person. They, them or Her have no respect for the grandparent, and are full of their own importance. The sort of person that gives trans people a bad name.
That's my opinion on it. You don't go out of your way to upset elderly relatives - show some respect.

The day you are in charge of forcing your beliefs on others I will let you know. It's not kindness to insist others dont Eexpress their protected beliefs.

Bravo! Well said! The irony of TRAs demanding that others support, assist and respect their lifestyle choices, whilst riding roughshod over those around them who suffer detriment because of those demands, would be funny if it wasn't causing women such harm. It's worth pointing out that, in the ongoing court case between Sandie Peggie vs NHS Fife, the defendan, and her legal team were allowed to continue to refer to Dr Upton as he in court. because he is a man.

I have no issues with anyone dressing, presenting or referring to themselves however they choose. Just don't ask others to enter their fantasy world and support them in their delusions that they're something they're not. And never can be.

RosieandherMaw

Allira

Luminance

I have said all I have to say on this subject. This discussion has gone to the wolves.

Why to the wolves

It is a perfectly valid question, not a figment of my imagination and I'd like to know your opinion as you say you work closely in these areas.

What would you advise?

Don’t things usually go “to the dogs” ? 🐶 🐩 🐕

In the case in question, it was a cat.

Allira

Luminance

I have said all I have to say on this subject. This discussion has gone to the wolves.

Why to the wolves

It is a perfectly valid question, not a figment of my imagination and I'd like to know your opinion as you say you work closely in these areas.

What would you advise?

Don’t things usually go “to the dogs” ? 🐶 🐩 🐕

Luminance

I have said all I have to say on this subject. This discussion has gone to the wolves.

Why to the wolves

It is a perfectly valid question, not a figment of my imagination and I'd like to know your opinion as you say you work closely in these areas.

What would you advise?

Luminance

Your respect for the uniqueness of human nature is refreshing and so welcome in an intolerant world

Thank you

You might want to check the law luminance.

I have said all I have to say on this subject. This discussion has gone to the wolves.

Luminance

The day you are in charge of how others should be treated we will be rather quick to let you know. Do watch this space. Those of us who work closely in these areas will continue to treat other humans with kindness and respect and won't put our opinions before their needs.

Is it kind to indulge a child who insists she's a furry and that the parents insists the school and all the pupils respect that?

Or would it be kinder for this child to be referred to a psychologist to help her through the difficulties she is having in adolescence?

That is where you are wrong, it is not a belief, it is simple human decency. I know rather little about genetics but quite a lot about mental health being a MHN. I work with adults who are often mistreated by family and peers. It has always occured to me that rather than needing mental health treatment themselves, we should be treating the mental health of those who just cannot abide others difference or happiness.