My daughter has excluded me because I did not like the name she chose for her new baby.

My sympathies are all with your daughter.

Not only did you criticise her or their choice of name, you insist on the out-dated idea that a "family name" should be used, although very few even in our generation were landed with a name that had been in use in the family for generations, and then to cap it all, you ask about a nick-name.

Why on earth should a child need one?

You has been very unwise to keep on pushing this issue. You kept pushing and pushing for your choice and now you have strained relations.

Many people don't choose family names for their children - myself included. You have no role in naming their baby.

I don't even think Troy is especially out there - it's fairly mainstream these days.

It seems like you may have previous form for judging your daughter's choices and not respecting her (calling her "superficial" ) Plus the multiple attempts to overrule their choice of name - perhaps this was the final straw for the new family.

So you need to think about what you want to happen now

Troy is a fabulous name. I should know, I've got one myself.

Such a shame to be bickering about this. It's really none of your business . Rein it in and try to get back on a steady footing.

Ah - another endorsement for the grandparent rule of ZTL - zip the lip!

You will know for the future!!

What the H has it got to do with you what they call their child.

Doing family research will be a bit easier!! I personally like the name - a policeman in Midsumer Murders at one time? Anyway not your baby as others have said - youve had your turn.

The only Troy I knew was Troy Donahue who I was madly in love with as a young teenager.

What parents name their children is their choice. Grandparents or anyone else has no say. You should just be happy the baby arrived safely and your daughter is well.

The situation you are in is of your own making . You should have just been glad to have a grandson. Why would you think people would think you are right in butting in.

How would you have reacted if your parents had tried to get you to change your mind about what you called your daughter and any other children you may have .

Oh dear, family upsets over the passing on of names was something I avoided as I was the youngest of 4 so family names had already been used by the time my 2 children came along. I think this practice should be allowed to die a death.

We chose simple names we liked, no middle names and thought too about the surname to follow it. How many silly combinations do you see/hear these days.

But I think you have really overreacted here OP . The baby's name is for the parents to choose. Hopefully the situation will settle down and maybe ' least said soonest mended'. How about buying something for the baby with the new name featured, ie a book, or an embroidered blanket/bib. There are lots of things now that can be personalised.

Along with the joy of being a Granny has to come the understanding that you also have a back seat.
All aspects of parenting and that includes names are not your domain.
IF you are asked for your opinion/advice, then different but I would still be tactful with my answers.
Buy him something like a keepsake box with Troy proudly displayed on the lid.
Embrace the arrival of a healthy grandchild. Many are not so fortunate.

I can't imagine weighing in on the names of our GC, none of my business. All you can do now is write a note of apology and wait.

I wonder why you think your daughter should have been interested in your choice of family names for her child?

Perhaps you should, as part to your sincere apology - acknowledge you understand you have no choice in her decisions.

Trends in baby names change over time. We should be thankful for that or else every boy would still be called George, Henry or William and his sons called George, Henry or William, and every girl called Ann, Elizabeth or Mary and her daughters called Ann, Elizabeth or Mary.

Perhaps your daughter kept this from you for as long as she could as she was anticipating criticism. You seem very critical of her generally.

The name she has chosen has a good, strong meaning. I shan’t say what it is in case you ask to have it removed from the text as I also think you should.

What comes through to me is the fact that you don't like your daughter very much; 'although she's 40 she has always been a bit superficial.' And you clearly expected to have some say in the baby's name and are very resentful that you were ignored. You feel you 'have been played' and are now' surplus to requirements.'
Grow up.

Oh dear. I’m sorry to say , or perhaps not , that all this mess is entirely your fault. Not only did you criticize the name she chose when she announced she’d chosen one- but you continued to try to persuade her to change it or add a family name - including just after she’d had the baby , ar a time when new mothers are sensitive and emotional anyway. Then you didn’t even stop there - but “tried a nickname” so as to avoid using her choice of name presumably Whixh waki didn’t go over - go figure ! And now you find she’s still upset with you and avoiding visits etc. count me as not shocked at all. It’s 100% none of your business what she named her baby and it’s certainly not your place to try to choose a nickname to avoid using it. You’ve acted poorly and I’d start with a solid apology and embracing of the name she’s chosen. Admitting all the ways you’ve acted badly.

As an aside, the name chosen was hardly that out there -I’ve heard ten times worse and more unusual names , including one set of my own grands who’s name announcements I met with a warm smile and a “that’s perfect !” No matter what I was thinking. And you know what? Once baby was here and that’s who they were - it was perfect and endearing and beautiful all at once.

My son had a friend called Troy.. I always liked the name.. I think you over reacted and inappropriately.. and I also don't like you calling your daughter superficial..

More silly grandparents. Hey ho.

Your daughter could easily see this thread, which would be unlikely to make the situation better, as you have used the name. Maybe think about asking HQ to take the name out of your OP?

I think you have been far too involved in the naming of the baby. You have upset your DD before by suggesting family names. You say your DD is superficial which is unkind and I'm not really surprised that she is annoyed.
Grandparents should keep out of baby naming as it's often the cause of problems.

I'm not sure if you're being serious here? The baby's name is a matter for the parents and the parents alone. I'd have been beyond furious if my mother had attempted to influence what my husband and I decided to call our children. I'm not really a fan of 'family names' anyway. Whether you liked the name or not, you should have just smiled sweetly and kept your mouth shut, or risk irreparably damaging your relationship with your daughter.

It does seem a bit extreme to cut you off for criticising the baby name, but it really wasn’t your place. I’m hoping I managed to keep a straight and interested face on me when some of the more “out there” choices were mooted for our grandsons. Much worse than Troy, one or two so bad I wonder if we were being wound up. In the end they were all given names we love, but if they hadn’t been we’d have just kept smiling. It’s surprising how quickly babies grow into their given names anyway.

I suddenly remembered -

‘Troy’ was a name my daughter had in mind for a boy child,
inspired by the beautiful Troye Sivan apparently.
I pointed out it wasn’t his real name anyway, not that it mattered and reminded her of our advice not to speculate
on names aloud and open up discussion, suggestion, opinion.

My daughter and son in law both come from families with traditional names as they too were given.

I well remember the comments from older family members,
before and after naming our children. So rude.

Baby is a girl btw

I would have liked one of my children to name one of theirs, after one of my parents. They chose names from their partner’s side of the family. I sometimes still feel hurt ….
but as others have said, their baby, their choice …

You were completely in the wrong to criticise her name choices. The best thing you can do is apologise and keep your lips firmly shut.

I don't mean to sound rude, but is not you business to choose your future grandchild's name.

I feel some sympathy for your daughter, whether she is immature or not. Just when she needs her mum, you have spoiled what should be a joyous occasion.

Troy may not be your choice but it is the mother’s. There are far more way out ones than that. Bite your tongue, it is not for you to choose. You will soon get used to it. The days of generations in the family using the same names has long gone.

I sat in the village park by the children’s play area and really smiled at the names the mother’s call out to the toddlers, ancient ones like Noah and Nelson to the latest singing sensations It is you that is out of step with daughter’s generation.

I am blessed with two family names but have never been called either of them!