My daughter has excluded me because I did not like the name she chose for her new baby.

Oreo

grumppa

And sometimes parents choose unusual names because the family name is very common; e.g. Achilles Smith would stand out a lot more than John Smith.

It sure would, but a def way to get beaten up at school, unless it’s Eton of course.😁

Fine, as long as the surname wasn't Heale.

Of course, as women might choose to change to their husband's name when they marry, a common forename could cause difficulties if the new surname is a common one.

My birth surname was fairly unusual but my married surname is dead common 😁

We have a new grandchild due in June. Recently I asked my son if they'd discussed/chosen names.
"Oh yes, that's been decided for a while now."
We're happy to wait 🥰

AmberGreen

Imagine you are driving down the motorway and a car in front suddenly changes lanes with no signal. You would be surprised, ok. ? Well that's what we were at that lunch. For months it had been a couple of very different names and now it was all change. When people change lanes minus a signal others react because they have not had time to consider the matter fully. Just think about how you would swear at the person who almost caused a pile up. The metaphor is about lack of consideration, misjudging situations. By the way we were asked for our opinion about names right at the start of this fiasco.
We are now all fine. Some people who responded to my post should absolutely never under any circumstances consider taking up counselling.

😂
Glad it’s all sorted out amicably now anyway.

grumppa

And sometimes parents choose unusual names because the family name is very common; e.g. Achilles Smith would stand out a lot more than John Smith.

It sure would, but a def way to get beaten up at school, unless it’s Eton of course.😁

It’s so hard when children are naming babies and choose names you don’t like. But I would never interfere.
My granddaughter was named after my grandmother and my Mums name is her middle name - I loved both.
My grandson was a month old and still hadn’t got a name, my daughter said these are the four names we like and asked we what I thought. Two I hated, one I wasn’t keen on and one I liked. I only said I particularly liked one name but told her I would love whatever they chose.
Luckily they chose the name I liked and his middle name is my late husbands name.

Your daughter didn't 'exclude' you because you didn't like her child's name. She 'excluded' you because you made your feelings clear, when you should have just kept quiet. Anyway, you're "all fine" now, so that's ok.

"We suggested"/"we tried". No wonder relations are strained. It is their choice what to name their child not yours. Talk about overstepping the mark. You are the grandparent not the parent. Absolutely nothing to do with you. I would never have even mentioned names to my son and DIL. I brought my son up well enough to know he would choose well.

AmberGreen

Imagine you are driving down the motorway and a car in front suddenly changes lanes with no signal. You would be surprised, ok. ? Well that's what we were at that lunch. For months it had been a couple of very different names and now it was all change. When people change lanes minus a signal others react because they have not had time to consider the matter fully. Just think about how you would swear at the person who almost caused a pile up. The metaphor is about lack of consideration, misjudging situations. By the way we were asked for our opinion about names right at the start of this fiasco.
We are now all fine. Some people who responded to my post should absolutely never under any circumstances consider taking up counselling.

This is all very dramatic. Your reaction to the name change was over the top. The difference between it and your analogy here is that one warrants a jarred response and one doesn’t. Guess which one wasn’t serious enough for a dramatic response?

Glad you and your daughter are on better terms. Nothing is more foolish than a family rift over controlling behaviour. May you enjoy that your new grandchild and embrace your role as support, not decision-maker.

I'm glad you are all fine now AmberGreen .

RosieandherMaw

You didn’t ask for counselling, you asked “Am I being unreasonable?” and the overwhelming response was Yes.
And you didn’t like it, so be it.
Your motorway analogy does not work because, to continue the analogy, you are not driving on that motorway but perhaps on a bridge over it or the opposite carriageway.
It was not your business to either criticise the parents’ choice or take the huff because your suggestions were rejected.
What you described in your OP was not a momentary kneejerk reaction, as you clearly felt the name was unsuitable when you described it here.
I hate the expression but “suck it up”.

Exactly this

JdotJ

Oooh, I would have loved to have been a counsellor except I'd have been sacked within 10 mins due to my lack of empathy with whingers & moaners

I knew I couldn't do that as I'd absorb everyone's angst and despair and end up needing counselling myself.

Oooh, I would have loved to have been a counsellor except I'd have been sacked within 10 mins due to my lack of empathy with whingers & moaners

Although I wouldn't mind a bit of plastic surgery myself.
An eye lift?

Allira

^Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.^

Hope your DD doesn't see this post otherwise you'll be back in the Doghouse.

Agreed.

I doubt anyone would forgive such, nor should they.

Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.

Hope your DD doesn't see this post otherwise you'll be back in the Doghouse.

RosieandherMaw

You didn’t ask for counselling, you asked “Am I being unreasonable?” and the overwhelming response was Yes.
And you didn’t like it, so be it.
Your motorway analogy does not work because, to continue the analogy, you are not driving on that motorway but perhaps on a bridge over it or the opposite carriageway.
It was not your business to either criticise the parents’ choice or take the huff because your suggestions were rejected.
What you described in your OP was not a momentary kneejerk reaction, as you clearly felt the name was unsuitable when you described it here.
I hate the expression but “suck it up”.

This.

15th March:
Now 6 months on relations are strained with cancelled visits and not wanting us around.

28th March
We are now all fine.

That was quick! Did you have counselling?

AmberGreen We are now all fine.

Lovely.

Easy lesson, keep opinions to oneself and give no advice.

You didn’t ask for counselling, you asked “Am I being unreasonable?” and the overwhelming response was Yes.
And you didn’t like it, so be it.
Your motorway analogy does not work because, to continue the analogy, you are not driving on that motorway but perhaps on a bridge over it or the opposite carriageway.
It was not your business to either criticise the parents’ choice or take the huff because your suggestions were rejected.
What you described in your OP was not a momentary kneejerk reaction, as you clearly felt the name was unsuitable when you described it here.
I hate the expression but “suck it up”.

Well, DC1 was Herbert most of the way through the pregnancy.

Just as well she was a girl.

Imagine you are driving down the motorway and a car in front suddenly changes lanes with no signal. You would be surprised, ok. ? Well that's what we were at that lunch. For months it had been a couple of very different names and now it was all change. When people change lanes minus a signal others react because they have not had time to consider the matter fully. Just think about how you would swear at the person who almost caused a pile up. The metaphor is about lack of consideration, misjudging situations. By the way we were asked for our opinion about names right at the start of this fiasco.
We are now all fine. Some people who responded to my post should absolutely never under any circumstances consider taking up counselling.

I’m sorry but honestly the only way to be on good terms with adult children is to treat them as you would any other adult! I mean do not critisize, argue, pester or make demands. They are not yours now. You guided them and looked after them taught them all you could. That’s it! You have had your chance. Do you want them to find you irritating and fall out with you? Do you want to be able to be close to your grandchildren? Yes of course you do so be pleasant. I don’t mean be a door mat but just put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would like to be treated.

I've only known the one Wendy but I guess they are likely to be a mixed bunch like everyone else.

theworriedwell

Allira I know a lovely Wendy in her 80s as well. She is a lovely smiley person.

Mind you, a girl called Wendy stole my first boyfriend from me, they're not all lovely.
She's older than me so must be 80 or more now!

Wendy, in her late 70's is the lovely, helpful Chairman of our Residents Association.