In the run up to the birth of our grandchild a couple of names were suggested which we liked, but at the last minute my daughter, at a family lunch out, announced a new name "Troy"as her final choice.
In surprise I said that it wasn't a family name on either side and a bit out there, she flew into a rage saying she loved it and I was ruining her pleasure in the name. To avoid upset we said the we hoped the baby would be ok and that was everything never mind the name.
She got her phone out and showed us pictures of a couple who had called their son the same name. Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.
When he was born we suggested maybe a family name as a middle name? This was rejected by text. We tried for a nickname and received anger. Now 6 months on relations are strained with cancelled visits and not wanting us around.
It has also emerged that other relatives knew her choice of name long before she announced it so publicly to us. "But it always was going to be...." This is very hurtful for us. We have an older grandchild and were much more involved in her upbringing. She had my mother's middle name and a more mainstream first name. I feel we have been played and an understandable surprised reaction used to take offence because we are simply surplus to requirements.
Allira I know a lovely Wendy in her 80s as well. She is a lovely smiley person.
Crossstitchfan
Absolutely, NotSpaghetti. Our daughter was four days old before we could settle on a name. She just didn’t fit the name we originally chose. It’s very hard to choose a name, especially as it has to be suitable for whole of their lives. There are some lovely names about but you have to visualise how it would be for the person when they are in their fifties and above. I have always felt sorry for girls called Wendy. I just can’t see a sixty year old called that!
I changed my mind about five minutes after DD1 arrived, she just didn't suit the name we'd chosen. The midwife asked if she had a name and it just popped up from nowhere. DH was a bit surprised but obviously agreed.
I have a lovely friend called Wendy, in her 80s 🙂
Absolutely, NotSpaghetti. Our daughter was four days old before we could settle on a name. She just didn’t fit the name we originally chose. It’s very hard to choose a name, especially as it has to be suitable for whole of their lives. There are some lovely names about but you have to visualise how it would be for the person when they are in their fifties and above. I have always felt sorry for girls called Wendy. I just can’t see a sixty year old called that!
When you had your children what were your thoughts on others interfering in the naming of them?
I bet you were of the opinion that they should just butt out, which is exactly what you should have done in the naming of your DAUGHTERS CHILD!!!
It might be that the baby name issue was not the first irritant between you both but one of a whole pile up.
Crossstitchfan we had two names for our first daughter as " possibles" before she was born (and two possibles for a boy).
She looked like neither of the "girls" names.
After that we thought we'd see our babies first - as clearly naming them was harder than we had supposed!
When our first baby was due, we chose the name Emma for her. However, when she arrived, we looked at her beautiful little face and decided she just wasn’t an ‘Emma’. I have no idea why as it’s a lovely name. She was named Alexandra in the end, Alex for short.
My maternal great grandfather was the Mayor of Truro in 1920, and the day my mother was born, he was naming a town near there called Ferristown. So she was named Ferris, and she hated it all her life.
You may not like it Amber Green but it's time to eat humble pie. It's not important what the back is called... What is important is that his Grandparents love him for who he is and is part of his and his parents lives. Kahil Gibran says in his book 'The Prophet ' that your children should live the life they want to live and not the life that you want then to live. Wise words Methinks. Maybe a really gesture like naming a star after your grandson would soften the hurt felt by your daughter. If you can't face naming a star Troy then perhaps something meaningful like beloved boy and his date of birth. Make your peace soon....life is too short.
Cold
All of this angst makes me happy that I did not float any names prior to birth so that people would think they could weigh in- just announced it when the baby arrived.
Mind you my parents told everyone they were going to call me Ian ... that didn't work so well.
😁
Alexander turned out to be Alexandra!
All of this angst makes me happy that I did not float any names prior to birth so that people would think they could weigh in- just announced it when the baby arrived.
Mind you my parents told everyone they were going to call me Ian ... that didn't work so well.
I hope she was persuaded that Virginia might be a good alternative!
About 30 years ago I taught English at a convent in HK The girls were all fluent in our language as well as their native Cantonese and were required to take on an English name of their own choosing. Many chose the name May which sounded like the Chinese word for beautiful
In my class I had Snowflake, Balcony and Cinderella ( whose brother was, indeed Hitler)
The mother superior told me of one girl who turned up at 11 with absolutely no idea of what English name she would choose. The nun pointed to a bookcase full of books in the English language and suggested the girl open any one of those She would surely find a name that appealed
She did.... almost immediately.. It was a biology book and the name that sprang out at her was Vagina
Frenchgalinspain
Troy Donahue from the film "Summer Place" ..
It is masculine unique name ..
Not sure of its origins however, could be Greek or British.
I don't think we should be dogmatic about uniquely male/female names.
What about those which can be either eg Evelyn?
Or those which (I assume) originated as surnames - Kelly (Grace Kelly) , Tracey/Tracy (Spencer Tracy) or the most memorable of all John Wayne's actual birth name - Marion ! 
Grammaretto
I don't know why Troy doesn't appeal to me Rula. It has associations I suppose. It sounds American.
It's a place-name.
It would be fine for a pet.
As you say "horses for courses"
I like unusual names and old fashioned names too but Troy is neither.
Well, it's certainly old-fashioned! 😁
Troy dates from about 3,000BC.
GrannySomerset
Our adopted grandchildren kept the names their birth family gave them, neither of which their parents would have chosen. Makes no difference to how much we love them.
I have an unusual first name (never met another) and have spent a long life time of having to spell it. Definitely not ideal.
Well done to the parents, I think it must be so confusing to a child when so much is already going on to have their name changed as well.
I was not keen on the name my son and his partner named my granddaughter. Her other grandmother shortens it and that sounds even worse. I keep my mouth shut. It is not up to me what they call her. I love my granddaughter and have go used to her name. One little bonus, her second name is the same as mine.
Our adopted grandchildren kept the names their birth family gave them, neither of which their parents would have chosen. Makes no difference to how much we love them.
I have an unusual first name (never met another) and have spent a long life time of having to spell it. Definitely not ideal.
They obviously didn't tell you before others because they knew what your reaction would be.
You seem obsessed with having a say in the baby's name and passing down old fashioned names from your family.
It is the parent's who choose a childs name - not the grandparents. You need to let go!
Talk about entitled! If ths was Facebook I would say this was rage bait or a troll. Only the parents get to choose their child's name.
Does anyone remember the book First Names First by Leslie Dunkling?
He said he wrote it partly because of his own rather awkward name.
It's fascinating and traces origins and uses of names from 17th century both in Britain and the USA.
I had a copy but I suspect DD
borrowed it and never gave it back.
😅😂
Son and DIL named their first child before it was even discussed with us. Second child they were arguing over a name. I made a few suggestions that neither of them liked. Also suggested both put names in a hat and pick one out. Then I stayed out of it completely as it was up to them. A week later baby had a name so all good.
DD had a name picked out for her 1st born from a TV program when she was 14, and her first child had that name.
TBH I don't really like any of my 3 DGCs names but it's not my choice.
I think the OP is way out of order, suggesting nicknames family names and wanting different names. No wonder her daughter is keeping her away How rude and hurtful just when she's coping with a new baby.
Troy Donahue from the film "Summer Place" ..
It is masculine unique name ..
Not sure of its origins however, could be Greek or British.
I would apologise to your daughter in law for the sake of your son and the grandchildren.
Absolutely none of your business!! We kept well out of anything to do with the naming of our grandsons since both my mother & DH's put in their pennyworth when our 2 were born & I well remember how hurtful they both managed to be! First DGS is called Lucius which caused a big swallow then a big smile , not what we'd have chosen but he does have his dad's middle name as his middle name so that's nice. We anticipated 2nd grandson might be Atticus or similar but no, we have a Troy! Again, quite a shock & not what we'd expected and it's certainly taken a while to get used to! We've never said a word about it to his parents. His middle name is his mother's family name - an old fashioned boys name as it happens. The boys are now 11 & 7 and we can't imagine them being called anything else, they are their names! It really is nobody else's business what children are called except their parents' - just pipe down & be thankful it's no worse!!
TheWeirdoAgain1 Tue 18-Mar-25 09:30:17 How exactly is ''Æ'' even pronounced?
It's pronounced a bit like "e?"
As in
larvae
curriculum vitae
antennae
algae
etc
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
