Not

You are down as the emergency contact if mum isn't available and you live 2 HOURS away!! How does that work then?

The fact that your holiday meant you were closer geographically when your DGS was injured at school was pure coincidence and on that occasion it put you in a position to help BUT chose not to because you had dinner plans speaks volumes about your priorities OP!

petra 👍🏻

Allira

^Thank you - I won’t feel guilty. Basically it made sense to have me until we moved away from the area 7 months or so ago and I’m guessing that she’s just forgotten I was in the list. Not now at least - I’m sure she’s already has removed me in her huff^ 😆

So it's funny, is it?
Or is it watching the reactions of Gransnetters which is causing your amusement?

Have we been had?

Most certainly 😥 id bet the bungalow it’s a ChatBot.
I have other theories 😉

I voted on mumsnet. You should have gone.

nightowl

A month ago I fell down a couple of stairs in a strange house and badly twisted my ankle. The pain was so intense it took my breath away and I’m embarrassed to admit I actually went into shock - I felt freezing cold and couldn’t stop shaking for quite some time.

The possibility of my 14 year old grandson in such pain, having to wait 2.5 hours until his mum could get there to take him to hospital, doesn’t bear thinking about. If he knew that his GM had been nearer but wouldn’t come to him I imagine he would be very hurt. You don’t seem to have much empathy for either your grandson or your daughter, doing her best as a single mum in a responsible job and finding there was no one she could rely on to help her in a crisis. No wonder she said she was done - you may have done more damage than you seem to realise.

I don't think comparing yourself to a 14 year old is helpful! The 14 year old presumably had some basic medical care.

Any help I ever had I bought in. Nobody did anything for me or my family, so no doubt I see things differently.

I can see the situation, you had enjoyed a lovely day, and were looking forward to a relaxing evening, then the phone rings…….
I can se why you might feel some disappointment, but I can’t imagine at what point you came to the decision not to respond, how do you feel about in retrospect? Do you think you did the wrong thing?

kittylester

If you have agreed to be the school's contact number you really should have gone. I feel very sorry for your grandchild - they must have felt abandoned.

I agree.
I would have gone.

JaneJudge

I think posters have been quite harsh tbh
I had zero help with my children, hours away from family and just got on with it.
I certainly wouldn’t have called my family an hour or two or six away

I would never have dreamed of asking my parents if they had other plans. But blended families 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ For us they present other challenges

It’s fairly normal for families with healthy relationships to call upon each other in times of need. It makes no one a lesser mother to not play the martyr. Even more normal for a grandmother to come to the aid of her ailing grandchild, as evidenced by the vast majority of the responses the OP is receiving across two websites.

I wouldn’t dream of putting mere convenience and a dinner over being there for my family. That’s harsh.

I certainly wouldn’t expect them to want to spend time with me strictly at my own pleasure. I wouldn’t feel sorry for myself when my daughter meets me at the level of prioritization that I placed her and her children on.

If true, I don't know why the poster posed the question if she feels she is right. I think think possibly she is not certain she is right and has a guilty conscience.
I know if I thought I was right in this situation I would not post as I would not need validation.

You talk about your daughter being in a huff and being petty but I really think you were petty to think your meal had priority over an injured grandson
It was unfortunate it happened while you were on a break but come on nothing was planned to break up your meal surely you could have worked round it and had your meal another day or another time
How many of us have at times had to accept disappointments or alterations to accommodate a poorly or injured grandchild I bet most have at some point You plan a day out with a friend and your son or daughter rings up to say junior can’t go to school as they are poorly You don’t say no do you ? Well I never did
The poor daughter sounds like she has a demanding job with children whose Dad has died and relies on you as a back up but you are resentful it would alter one meal out It’s not like you couldn’t continue your holiday
Sorry but I think you are out of order

I don’t think OP is necessarily getting the responses she hoped for from the majority of contributors to this thread and yet again we are drip-fed additional detail, presumably designed to enlighten or explain, but to me sounding more like more digging (and we all know, when you are in a hole……..)
As for suggesting or imagining anybody here enjoys a post-retirement life sitting about all day with no idea of how hard things can be
Words fail me!
(@ Silverbrooks and others- well said!)

Sparklyhairgran

Cold

I personally would have gone.

Your dd was carrying out colonoscopies - so diagnosing cancer patients. But your refusal to change dinner plans means that not only did your gs have to wait longer but that your dd was forced to cancel her patients for the rest of the day meaning that those patients also faced a delay to their care.

Just to confirm she’s not a doctor (or I imagine that she could probably pay someone for support in these emergencies) but yes she is involved in the procedures. I doubt that anyone else’s procedures would be cancelled because of this, but certainly she couldn’t just walk out midway through.

They cannot always find someone to cover at short notice if someone isn't there during a procedure - so yes they often have to cancel patients if they are understaffed at the last minute.

Had my cataract surgery cancelled 50 minutes before as staff member went home sick and they didn't have a replacement

Harsh?

OP was just 20 miles away from where her 14 year old grandson was at school in pain with a suspected broken ankle. She could have gone to collect him, calling a taxi if her husband was worse for one pint of beer and she didn’t feel confident to drive.

All she had to do was get the lad to hospital so he could be treated soonest. His mother would have arrived later after she had finished her shift in the endoscopy theatre at another hospital.

It really wasn’t a lot to ask of a grandparent who instead thought a dinner reservation for hours later more important than a child in pain and in need of emergency treatment.

A return journey of 40 miles (plus a bit extra to get the child from school to A&E doesn’t seem a huge deal to me and isn’t likely to have taken long enough to affect dinner reservations. It seems pretty poor parental behaviour towards a single mother doing a responsible job which couldn’t just be left at a moment’s notice.

I’ve had grandchildren on holiday with me several times who’ve needed A&E (more than 20 miles away) and the child has always taken priority over any holiday plans.

I think posters have been quite harsh tbh
I had zero help with my children, hours away from family and just got on with it.
I certainly wouldn’t have called my family an hour or two or six away

I would never have dreamed of asking my parents if they had other plans. But blended families 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ For us they present other challenges

It sounds to me that you've all got too much on your plates and GS's injury has highlighted that you're all on the edge. You and your husband have medical issues of your own to deal with, plus elderly parents in poor heath to support plus a DD who has a demanding job and two DC to cope with (one a teenager with the angst which goes with that age). You are in the Sandwich Generation.

The hitch in your arrangements is that the emergency contact issue should have been dealt with before now. But you've all been too tied up with just coping day to day. I remember the guilt of not being there for my DH who had health problems and needed me, at the same time as taking my DF to hospital appointments for cancer treatment, (supporting my DM emotionally) and also collect DGD from school when she'd been sick and they didn't want her in school (DD had no transport).

You cannot do it all. Just remember the airplane instruction that you must fit your own oxygen mask before helping others. Yes, I would have gone to fetch DGS, and felt guilt at upsetting DH and the meal we'd so looked forward to, but that doesn't mean I should have gone. And it doesn't mean that I'd have been safe to drive while over-stressed and in a hurry.

What's done is done. Hopefully your DD will come round soon and realise the situation.

Thank you to the commenters who understand that life post retirement is not just sitting about all day and how hard juggling everything can be.

🤔 oh dear, insulting Gransnetters now.

It might have been better going off in another direction entirely for your much-needed break, letting your DD know so she could make other emergency arrangements.

Thanks everyone for your input. If she decides to talk to me ill apologise for not being there, but also will tell her that I’m really quite stressed and just needed a break away from everything which is why I didn’t go. Will maybe read further comments but probably won’t reply.
Thank you to the commenters who understand that life post retirement is not just sitting about all day and how hard juggling everything can be.

nightowl

A month ago I fell down a couple of stairs in a strange house and badly twisted my ankle. The pain was so intense it took my breath away and I’m embarrassed to admit I actually went into shock - I felt freezing cold and couldn’t stop shaking for quite some time.

The possibility of my 14 year old grandson in such pain, having to wait 2.5 hours until his mum could get there to take him to hospital, doesn’t bear thinking about. If he knew that his GM had been nearer but wouldn’t come to him I imagine he would be very hurt. You don’t seem to have much empathy for either your grandson or your daughter, doing her best as a single mum in a responsible job and finding there was no one she could rely on to help her in a crisis. No wonder she said she was done - you may have done more damage than you seem to realise.

I’m not sure what that last sentence means, but I have always tried to help her when I can. Damned if you do and damned if you need to take a little break because life is very stressful but then made to feel awful for it.

Well, at least it will give you time to reflect on what's important to you, your grandson or your dinner.

Allira

^Thank you - I won’t feel guilty. Basically it made sense to have me until we moved away from the area 7 months or so ago and I’m guessing that she’s just forgotten I was in the list. Not now at least - I’m sure she’s already has removed me in her huff^ 😆

So it's funny, is it?
Or is it watching the reactions of Gransnetters which is causing your amusement?

Have we been had?

It’s not funny, just was trying to cheer myself up a bit, and hoping it is just a minor “huff” when I’m actually quite sad about her not letting me see the grandkids at Easter now.

Cold

I personally would have gone.

Your dd was carrying out colonoscopies - so diagnosing cancer patients. But your refusal to change dinner plans means that not only did your gs have to wait longer but that your dd was forced to cancel her patients for the rest of the day meaning that those patients also faced a delay to their care.

Just to confirm she’s not a doctor (or I imagine that she could probably pay someone for support in these emergencies) but yes she is involved in the procedures. I doubt that anyone else’s procedures would be cancelled because of this, but certainly she couldn’t just walk out midway through.

A month ago I fell down a couple of stairs in a strange house and badly twisted my ankle. The pain was so intense it took my breath away and I’m embarrassed to admit I actually went into shock - I felt freezing cold and couldn’t stop shaking for quite some time.

The possibility of my 14 year old grandson in such pain, having to wait 2.5 hours until his mum could get there to take him to hospital, doesn’t bear thinking about. If he knew that his GM had been nearer but wouldn’t come to him I imagine he would be very hurt. You don’t seem to have much empathy for either your grandson or your daughter, doing her best as a single mum in a responsible job and finding there was no one she could rely on to help her in a crisis. No wonder she said she was done - you may have done more damage than you seem to realise.

V3ra

^There have been a couple of times where the youngest ones school has called me about medication and the likes, as because she works in the medical field she often can’t take emergency calls when at work.^

I'd politely suggest your daughter needs an agreed system whereby she can be contacted by the school if need be.
Any other time you would have been two hours away anyway.

How do healthcare professionals manage this when they have periods where they cannot be available? OP's dd was carrying out colonoscopies (presumably diagnosing cancer and other illnesses) so cannot be contacted during a procedure and OP has posted that the boy's father is deceased. So a really difficult situation.