Not

Half-term?

eazybee

Did your daughter know you were on holiday?
Unless your daughter was on call or involved in an operation I think she should have gone; consent might have been needed for treatment at the hospital. Most work places are reasonable about medical emergencies.
Equally, I would have driven. My parents did it for me when my son was injured because it was my first week back at work, new job, and they were minutes away. As it was, I reached A & E (drove like Jehu) as they were coming out and there was no injury.
Again, your daughter is foolish treating you like the hired help and cancelling a visit as a punishment. She needs you.

She is involved with doing colonoscopies at the local big hospital so I think that’s why it took a while for the message to be passed on to her as she was with a patient and then had to get cover.
Basically from first phone call from the school to her (then me when she didn’t answer) and her getting to the school was only about 2.5 hours.

Eventually she did go with him to hospital and ended up getting home very late as a result, and when I said something like “oh you just be tired.” She just said “I’m done.”

My other daughter thinks it’s the opposite - that she’s not using this time at Easter IN CASE she needs me for future emergencies, but as I’m so far away usually I’m not sure what help I would be. You are all right I’m going to tell her to take me off the emergency list.

I am still confused here. Why couldn't the mum have gone to the school? She would surely have been able to leave work? Instead she asks GP to collect child from school and meet there at A&E?
How did the child eventually get to the hospital?
It seems there is poor communication going on here, between all parties including the school.
I'm not sure how I would have dealt with this myself if I'm honest...but there are some communication issues to be sorted here for sure. Meanwhile I feel sorry for the kids...

There have been a couple of times where the youngest ones school has called me about medication and the likes, as because she works in the medical field she often can’t take emergency calls when at work.

I'd politely suggest your daughter needs an agreed system whereby she can be contacted by the school if need be.
Any other time you would have been two hours away anyway.

Did your daughter know you were on holiday?
Unless your daughter was on call or involved in an operation I think she should have gone; consent might have been needed for treatment at the hospital. Most work places are reasonable about medical emergencies.
Equally, I would have driven. My parents did it for me when my son was injured because it was my first week back at work, new job, and they were minutes away. As it was, I reached A & E (drove like Jehu) as they were coming out and there was no injury.
Again, your daughter is foolish treating you like the hired help and cancelling a visit as a punishment. She needs you.

I think you and I are of like mind about the situation GrandmaBatty.

Sparklyhairgran
Thankyou for the clarification, I guess you need to come off the emergency contact list, but does your daughter have anyone else she can depend on? And if a child is upset and in pain, wouldn’t he rather see his granny turn up than a friend or neighbor?
Not meaning to be critical, but I don’t suppose it happens very often.

So your husband's family need your help but your grandson didn't? Right.

Barleyfields

I hope this is a wake-up call for her. If you can’t miss a meal you’d booked when on a ‘much needed’ holiday (be honest, how much of your holiday would you have lost?) you’re obviously not going to be of any help at all if you decided to move two hours away (which in itself is odd given your daughter’s situation).

Why is it odd?
We are now living in an area with many more of my husbands family around. His parents are also frail (late 80s) and need my help more.

Sara1954

I might have questioned the rights and wrongs of it afterwards, but I would been straight there, twenty minutes away is nothing, I’m not sure I’m totally understanding this, why are you on holiday only twenty minutes away?

We used to live in the area and went back to the area for a holiday to visit friends etc.

We lived there for a long time before that which is why I was emergency contact.

If you imagine it, I was north and my daughter’s home was 30minutes away from me (south) and the school was in the middle of us both. Her job is about 30 minutes in the other direction (further south)

I think I am still down as emergency just because she had forgotten about replacing it not because she actually would expect us to do anything in normal circumstances. There have been a couple of times where the youngest ones school has called me about medication and the likes, as because she works in the medical field she often can’t take emergency calls when at work.

I hope this is a wake-up call for her. If you can’t miss a meal you’d booked when on a ‘much needed’ holiday (be honest, how much of your holiday would you have lost?) you’re obviously not going to be of any help at all if you decided to move two hours away (which in itself is odd given your daughter’s situation).

Nothing much to add except that even when we lay down boundaries we need very thick skin to keep them. I suppose your DD feels that you were a safety net that didn't catch her when she needed it. There don't seem to be any reliable men in this scenario. I hope as mum.and daughter you can get over this quickly and build trust again. Sympathies though. It's hard to be pulled every which way x

The Father has a good excuse then, I'm sorry.

It may well be that his mother should have made better arrangements, but she didn’t. So what do we do? Just leave a child in pain? Doesn’t feel right to me.

JaneJudge

An ambulance would take hours (3+) here for something like that

3 hours? 😯
That's quick!

You might be lucky to get one at all on the same day here.

I wrote somewhere else - we used to live much closer but about 7 months ago we moved further away. She hasn’t updated it yet clearly and her being a single mother (her ex unfortunately passed away when the youngest was 1, but they had already split) means she probably doesn’t know who else to put.

Oldnproud

Allira

And?

It would matter not, they were nearer than they normally are.

Irrelevant. They were taking a much-needed break and the parent should have had other emergency plans in place.

And DD and the DGC will be having a much-needed break at Easter, I hope.

An ambulance would take hours (3+) here for something like that

JaneJudge, don’t disagree, but I still think there would be little pleasure in your meal, if you were worried about your grandson, and whether you’d make a right decision.

Allira

Oldnproud

pascal30

I wonder if you should continue as the emergency phone contact.. what did you think the responsibilities of that were?

As I read it, the OP's responsibility was agreed to for normal circumstances, when at home, not when she was on holiday. It was the parent's responsibility to have other plans in place for if the grandparents were not available, not the OP's.

They were nearer than they usually were when st home.

Would a school accept a grandparent who lives two hours away as an emergency contact?

They were nearer than usual, yes, but they were on holiday, which the daughter would have known in advance, and as the OP said, her husband had had a drink and she herself isn't a confident driver, and she might not have known the roads very well from where they were staying.
Plus 20 minutes "as the crow flies" does not mean that it was only a 20 minute drive either.

It does seem slightly odd that a school would accept someone who lives two hours away as an emergency contact. However, it is just to be hoped that in a genuine emergency they would call an ambulance!

We would have gone, and there would have been no discussion about it, a call for help when a grandchild is injured, possibly with a broken limb would have had us jumping in the car and setting the satnav.
But we are not all the same, and am not going to sit in judgement on this one knowing that we can never know the true context of something.
To the OP I imagine you feel really bad about this which is why you keep posting about it. Try sending an email or letter once this has had a chance to blow over, saying how bad you felt after what happened with your GC, but don't try to justify your actions, tbh an apology would work much better.
Hoping you all manage to sort this out.

Oh, we are allowed treats, bring them on!

But I would have not enjoyed my evening either.

From how it reads they were in a hotel and had booked for dinner. It sounds like a much needed treat. Grandparents are allowed to have them too.

I can’t see the point in taking a stand over this. Surely having made your decision you spent the rest of the evening worrying about him, and questioning your decision, so I don’t imagine you had a very pleasant evening.

I wouldn’t like any of my grandchildren to think I couldn’t be bothered to take them to hospital because I had a meal booked

rafichagran

I would have gone, I could not see my Granchild in pain. Why are you the emergency contact when you live 2 hours away from your daughter?
I would ask your daughter to take uou off as the contact with the School.

I used to live in the town I was visiting on holiday. We moved further away about 7 months ago and I suppose she hasn’t updated the emergency contacts.