Not

Knittingacat

This is not a decision I would have made but I think it is relevant that the child in question was 14. This means that the mother has had time to build a network of support, of which grandparents may or may not be part. Throughout my Ds childhoods we lived nearly 300 miles away from my parents and over 450 miles away from PiL. There was no way they could help in an emergency and I had to build a network of friends who could step in if necessary. Thankfully it didn't ever happen for anything serious but I stepped in for other friends in similar situations. My DD with 2 children (9 & 5) lives nearly 2 hours away and I did step in for emergencies when they were very small (even though I was working - I found ways to get there to help) but she now has friends and neighbours close by who have helped out more recently although not needed for anything serious thankfully. Perhaps the OP always was the default contact when she lived nearer but it's easy to forget that arrangements that have been in place for so long need to be reviewed. It's also easy to forget how quickly situations change & a child that has never needed help may suddenly do so. I often think of the dr in the introduction to 24hrs in A&E who says "No-one wakes up and thinks I am going to go to A&E today". It is so difficult to prepare for future emergencies that we have no idea about but I think this family have learned lessons for the future (especially from the challenging responses given to the OP) and perhaps the child's mother is feeling guilty, helpless and stressed and is lashing out at the one person she can - just like she perhaps did when she was growing up.

I think the OP has learnt that her mother couldn't go the extra mile for her when she asked for help ...bit sad that

I would have gone

JaneJudge

am I the only one who has read that they were ON HOLIDAY

Yes. But only 20 miles away and it wasn't going to take all night!

Blimey OP! If you are not bothered what your daughters or grandchildren think, why are you keen to ask a bunch of strangers what they think?

This is not a decision I would have made but I think it is relevant that the child in question was 14. This means that the mother has had time to build a network of support, of which grandparents may or may not be part. Throughout my Ds childhoods we lived nearly 300 miles away from my parents and over 450 miles away from PiL. There was no way they could help in an emergency and I had to build a network of friends who could step in if necessary. Thankfully it didn't ever happen for anything serious but I stepped in for other friends in similar situations. My DD with 2 children (9 & 5) lives nearly 2 hours away and I did step in for emergencies when they were very small (even though I was working - I found ways to get there to help) but she now has friends and neighbours close by who have helped out more recently although not needed for anything serious thankfully. Perhaps the OP always was the default contact when she lived nearer but it's easy to forget that arrangements that have been in place for so long need to be reviewed. It's also easy to forget how quickly situations change & a child that has never needed help may suddenly do so. I often think of the dr in the introduction to 24hrs in A&E who says "No-one wakes up and thinks I am going to go to A&E today". It is so difficult to prepare for future emergencies that we have no idea about but I think this family have learned lessons for the future (especially from the challenging responses given to the OP) and perhaps the child's mother is feeling guilty, helpless and stressed and is lashing out at the one person she can - just like she perhaps did when she was growing up.

You say you’re ringing her “to find out why” but you know why. She feels you let her down. I think the main problem here is a total breakdown in communication, on everyone’s part. Two hours away is too far to be an emergency contact so that needs to be addressed. But imho your first move is to apologise, to your daughter and your DGS. Even if you do think she’s being petty, be the bigger person. I don’t agree with what you did or with your trying to justify it but it’s done and it’s time to move on, your daughter is your daughter so please don’t let this come between you.

Sorry, that post was to Baggs

It can if the injury isn’t dealt with in a timely manner.

Sorry, your poor grandson lost his father when he was 1, and then one of his remaining close family wouldn’t go to him when he had an accident and his mother couldn’t go, and you are wondering why she’s cross with you??? Seriously???

BlessedArt

As a clinician I couldn’t disagree more. A possible fracture is always a potential limb-threatening situation clinically speaking. Bone marrow leakage, infection, hematomas, travelling clots are all possible, and the risk level should be decided by trained medical professionals aided by imaging. It’s an emergency without a doubt.

Is bone marrow leakage one of the things that send someone into shock when a bone is broken?

I expect the daughter will have had the grandparents removed from the emergency contact list after this episode Macadia.

Maybe in the future, you could let your daughter and the school know, in advance, what dates you cannot fulfill your duty as an emergency contact so that someone can take on the very important responsibility in your absence?

I think my parents might have reacted like this, but my in-laws would have crawled over hot coals if any of the children needed them

JaneJudge

Not here, ambulance service is on its knees. They aren’t waiting for appropriate people to emerge
Simples

I have absolutely no idea what you mean.

The school could not allow the child to go off in an ambulance, if one was to be available, and to go to A&E on their own without an accompanying adult. The school is in loco parentis.

I would have gone. You still would have had all the rest of the holiday.

You’ve summed it up perfectly RosieandherMaw. Sad indeed.

JaneJudge

And misogynistic because we are just relying on women to go to emergency situations with their children/grandchildren. It’s ridiculous

We know now the bio father had died but all other ‘dads’ aren’t held responsible, just the Gran in this instance

No-one has mentioned fathers have they?
🤔

Grandfather is not the biological grandfather.

What a sad and pathetic thread.
Lame excuses, selfish attitudes, a total empathy bypass for a working mum by her own mother who she might have expected to be the one person she could rely on.
Yes, the mum should have had a Plan B for her emergency contact if her job makes it impossible to drop everything at a moment’s notice and I hope she has rethought her emergency contact numbers but any breakdown in their relationship lies fair and square at Gran’s door. There are a lot of bridges to be built.

BlessedArt

Grandmother is the emergency contact.
Her husband may or may not be the daughter’s father, but he is not listed as a contact. The father of the children is not alive. Exactly what “men” in this situation are getting a pass in favor of women bashing? Gransnet indeed has a problem with misogyny but it’s more than a stretch to say this is the thread that illustrates it. The OP happens to be a woman who simply chose not to be there for her daughter’s child in need. Pretty sure the responses would be the same if a father posted the OP.

I still don’t understand how the daughter is wrong for choosing not to prioritize her mum on Easter, but the OP is fine for prioritizing dinner and her holiday over the grandchild. What makes the OP entitled to her daughter’s Easter Sunday? The daughter is every bit as entitled as her mum to choose how she uses her free time.

Excellent response.

If I ever ignored needs - I'd expect to be ignored in return.

Grandmother is the emergency contact.
Her husband may or may not be the daughter’s father, but he is not listed as a contact. The father of the children is not alive. Exactly what “men” in this situation are getting a pass in favor of women bashing? Gransnet indeed has a problem with misogyny but it’s more than a stretch to say this is the thread that illustrates it. The OP happens to be a woman who simply chose not to be there for her daughter’s child in need. Pretty sure the responses would be the same if a father posted the OP.

I still don’t understand how the daughter is wrong for choosing not to prioritize her mum on Easter, but the OP is fine for prioritizing dinner and her holiday over the grandchild. What makes the OP entitled to her daughter’s Easter Sunday? The daughter is every bit as entitled as her mum to choose how she uses her free time.

The grandmother has a husband albeit not her daughter’s father. He was there when all this was going on.

For all her excuses, grandmother could have called a taxi to get to her grandson’s school. She was only 20 miles away.

I’d like to know if at any time in the two and half hours between the school first trying to reach the lad’s mother and when she was able to get away from work to pick him up, whether the grandmother actually bothered to call her grandson to ask how he was.

Be kind

And misogynistic because we are just relying on women to go to emergency situations with their children/grandchildren. It’s ridiculous

We know now the bio father had died but all other ‘dads’ aren’t held responsible, just the Gran in this instance

Not here, ambulance service is on its knees. They aren’t waiting for appropriate people to emerge
Simples

JaneJudge

Because of the cuts to the ambulance service?
I am told DAIlY I can’t get students having tonic clinic seizures in ambulances and their parents will have to take them to a&e. They used to jus be attended to and given rescue medication and stayed with. People young and old must be dying unnecessarily because of this

A child would need to be accompanied by an appropriate adult, the logical one is the emergency contact.

Simples.