Almost 5 year old granddaughter

I would stick with the names Jenny and Grandpa.
I'd call the baby by their given name and the biological mum (and partner) by theirs.

This makes life so much simpler.
I think these days lots of children have blended families.
She can know her mother is her mother and still call her by her given name.

Our children always called us by our first name. They knew who we were even as little ones.

The alternative is "Mummy Jenny" if there needs to be a title as well as a name.

Her sister (surely) only needs a name.

Retired children’s solicitor here. So , legally, maternal grandpa is this child’s father. Birth mum has no parental rights. OP stays as grandma and granddad's girlfriend has no legal rights. Unless orders have been made that are not mentioned here . So, the parent ( grandad) technically , calls the shots. The girlfriend, however much care she has done, cannot dictate anything. But as the child knows about her birth mum and wants to call her mum, he’s on very dodgy ground , emotionally speaking, trying to stop this. And it is likely it will get worse as she gets older . Adoption can be extremely tricky for little kids, especially if they know their birth mum has a child they have kept, but couldn’t keep them. There is no reason why she can’t have different names for her different” mothers” and that she can decide. The last thing she needs is the adults round her arguing about who calls who a particular name. Far bigger bridges to cross coming up!

I think Wyllow3's "Mummy Gill and Mummy Janet" idea is brilliant. Another idea is "Mamma" (for one mother figure) and "Mummy or Mum" for the other.

Hi there I'm just wondering if it would help the child to have a professional involved to guide her?

ali23 but that’s the whole point grandfather (now her allotted Dad) won’t allow her to call her real mum by the title ‘Mum’ or the new half sister ‘Sister’ so although a photo book would be a great idea it still wouldn’t solve the title problem
Cafe does she call grandad, grandad or dad ?
If girlfriend is mum could real mum be Mama or Mam
Maybe tell her she can talk about her sister to you but grandad ( dad) likes her to just use the baby’s name Kids on the whole are pretty savvy and will quickly work out who they can say what to you could say to her so we don’t get in a muddle maybe best if you call Jennifer mum and your daughter Mam
It shouldn’t be like this at all poor kid but if it keeps grandad happy and off her back ( he sounds a bit over powering)
might be worth it I hope he’s good with the little girl

Oh my .. This is a true horror story ..

The best advice I could provide is: They need therapy .. And very seriously ..

Ali23
Brilliant idea

This is too complicated for comment on this forum

No wonder the child is confused!

Maybe, with everyone’s consent, you could make her a photo book all about herself, agreeing what everyone should be called?
Then she will have a chance to talk about her feelings/ confusion at her own level. She could help to make the book slowly, putting photos and telling you what to write about herself first before moving on to other people.

Also, there are some lovely picture books around exploring all of the different types of families. Librarians can help with this.

Good luck 😊

How sad every child needs a mum of some sort in their life whether it be biological, foster or adopted. Life is hard enough these days especially with so many blended families these days. The wee girl should be the one to call whoever she chooses to be mum.

How complicated . Grandfather is legal guardian but is NOT her dad. She can call him grandad or by his first name. She can call her grandfather’s girlfriend by her first name . No one can take away the fact that her biological mother is her mother, whatever her legal guardian wishes. She is of course at every liberty to call her ‘mum’ and her sister sister ( is she half sister or full?) . I think the family need some professional help with this . Either that or as grandmother you need to clarify with your ex what the way forward is. 5 year olds are not stupid and she needs honesty, clarity and reality . Or else she will grow up bitter, confused, resentful. In family therapy diagrams or picture drawings are very helpful to explain complex situations . This might help her to understand on a simple level what her wider family is . My grandson (7) is part of a complex family situation and he is just quite happy knowing he is loved and has ‘5’ homes …. My granddaughter (5) has a less complex life but would ask more questions and demand clear answers. Be led by what the child wishes to know but don’t offer more information than is needed at this time .

Our grandson has 6 grandparents. I am not biological GM. But his parents think that the title goes with the role, not the biology. There must be other cared for children in a similar situation to the child here? But I think advice needs to come from others in the child’s home country (USA?). There will be different cultural attitudes.

But she’s not allowed to call the baby her ‘sister’ …

I think a few posters still aren't getting it. Bluebells post made it abundantly clear as has cafe458 that the little girl has been brought up by grandfather and his partner whom she calls 'Mom'.
Birth mother - a recovering addict - now has a partner and a new baby, the little girl's sister.
It might confuse some children, but it seems she understands the relationship with her birth mother and baby. Why should she not have a 'sister'? Most girls, at her age, would love to have a baby sister.

I think there’s a lot of overthinking going on here. Why do you feel the need to correct the child, or go into long-winded explanations? Let her be.

What is IWK? Is it American for NICU? I’m so sorry to hear that

Leave her be! hasn't she had enough to contend with in her short life? As she gets older things may change, but so what if she calls two women Mum?? Her happiness is more important than your worrying about what she calls her carers, she is loved and cared for, thats all that matters, in my opinion.

As long as the little girl is surrounded by unconditional love and has a stable home, does any of this matter?
I can see the OP would prefer her ex and GF were called granny/grandad but it’s really up to them to encourage the child to call them that. They evidently don’t think it’s necessary

She doesn't really feel rejected as of yet, but hopefully in the future either, that's why I need clarity to explain to her. and her mother (when we're with her at her home, always treats her as her own & ALWAYS tells her how much she loves her. She also adores to spend time with her new "sister" which just came back from IWK with new Gtube feeding equipment. She sings to her, pretends to read books, helps with diaper change & such. My spouse & I always make sure the 5 year old is included whenever the new baby is present. And soon the new baby will be having sleepovers at grandma's too, so she says she's gonna need a bunkbed to look down & say g'night to her sister. She has a heart of gold that 'lil one :*

Right, that's clearer.

I know many people call even elderly partners 'girl' or 'boy'
friends - I read something the other day about a woman who had an 89 year old boyfriend but I find it odd.
Sorry.

Yes grandpa has legal custody, living with Jenny the girlfriend for 7 years. The new baby's father is not the 5 year old's. her father never wanted anything to do with mother nor baby once she got pregnant. Yes I am the biological mother's mother.; and she is my ex's & I.

Thanks for explaining BlueBelle that it’s the birth mother who has had a baby. That escaped me.

I am so sorry for this poor child, living such a complicated life which she cannot begin to understand, half with her grandfather/adoptive father who is not the type to explain things to her, half with her grandmother and seeing her birth mother with another baby. She must feel terribly confused, and maybe rejected.

I'm getting a tad confused too.

Perhaps it might be clearer if the grandfather's "girlfriend" was referred to as a partner as she has been living with him for seven years and, I presume, is hardly a girl?

Who has legal custody?

Is the new mother your daughter and that of your ex-husband? Is her boyfriend the 5 year old's father too?

Thank You everyone for your input. My spouse & I are trying our best with her, but it's difficult at times when the two sides don't agree on everything. She will be starting kindergarten in september and I'd like for her to understand a bit of her situation because we all know that kids talk and are cruel at times. Thank you all once again.