Mobiles and younger generation- why don’t they answer!

I don't like email for social correspondence. I get too many emails trying to sell me things, as I shop almost entirely online. Social emails are like needles in haystacks, and I don't get notifications as the phone would be pinging all day if I did.

A WhatsApp or other message is much more immediate.

There are many reasons not to answer when doing other things, my own pet hate is a phone call when I’m working with others, someone takes a call the rest of us stand waiting while he prattles on for 5 mins.

I always speak to my A/C on WhatsApp.
If I ring my daughter she answers straight away and my son always rings me straight back.
I know they're busy so don't often ring .

It depends what time you're calling and how busy their lives are, whether or not they're working etc. If for example you phone in the morning when they are getting themselves to work and kids to school or Saturday afternoon when they do their big supermarket shop, then you need to pick more suitable times. If they answered and said "sorry mum, I'll call back later when I've got more time" would you actually listen or would you plough on regardless and tell them your news? My mum used to do the latter and the net result was that I ignored her call (landline answerphone back then) until I had the time to devote an hour to properly chat to her.

crazyH

Lippyqueen - I only ever WhatsApp/ message the children and grandchildren - they reply almost immediately. It only takes a second or two to reply, whereas a phone call takes up too much or their working day/ night. They are all busy people. I prefer to see them and have a chat. All of us live in the same town, so it’s easy. Also, growing up we never had a phone . We always ‘visited’ our grandparents , Aunties , Uncles and Cousins

Same here, with WhatsApp.
I don’t often phone them, certainly not in the daytime, since they’ll be working and are so often in meetings.

My kids would panic if I actually called them on their phones. We mostly keep in touch via messenger or text. I message, they reply when convenient. They message, I reply when convenient.

I also see a message or a call as a REQUEST to answer, not and ORDER!

Reported.

Oh how I feel your pain!

Our 5 regularly don’t answer phones, texts, WhatsApp’s etc, it actually drives me insane!

KingLeonidas, I hope that you feel better now that you have had breakfast. We are not at our best when we are hungry

lippyqueen I think it’s unreasonable to expect your adult children to stop whatever they are doing to speak to you just because you want to chat !! Do they work? Have young children? Be more thoughtful in future and be thankful that they do phone back when they’re less busy.

Reported.

I think your expectations maybe too high why not make it a designated day and time then no one can complain My son in NZ and myself always speak Sunday mornings about 8 am if either of us can’t make it for a reason, we text the night before
Our kids are busy getting on with their lives
If I phone my grandkids without an answer I send a quick text with a ‘I needed to ask you etc’ or ‘sorry ring back when you’re ’ free’ sometimes works sometimes doesn't but I don’t do it often they are busy trying to get their lives in order
Maybe you’re expecting a bit too much * lippy*

Think the new code of courtesy is to text first to ask if free for a chat.
This is what my son and friends do.
Unless it's a real emergency.
My DD uses whatts app texts a lot.Occasionally rings for a chat but understands I'm sometimes busy.
I think getting a text is better because you get a chance to think about it and give a balanced reply.
The nuances of modern communication.

I agree, loopyloo.

I think that expecting people to drop everything and chat at your convenience is failing to recognise that people have things of their own to do. It's the same with dropping in unannounced. I am more than happy for people to call in, and I enjoy a chat on the phone, but not at any time to suit them. Women aren't (on the whole) indoors all day doing domestic chores and glad of a distraction. They have busy lives and things to do - all the more so since working from home became more commonplace.

I remember leaping out of the bath to answer the phone, as you didn't know who it was going to be, or even who had called if you didn't get there in time. When we got 1471 and caller display, the power shifted from the caller (who used to decide the time of the call) and the listener (who could decide whether to pick up and had the option to call back at a more convenient time). Now we also have messaging, and can ask if it's convenient, so why not do that? Do people really want to talk to someone who is busy, or would prefer to be doing something else for the sake of a 2 minute text to find a mutually convenient time?

Even my sister and I text first. We just say something like 'Fancy a chat? Not urgent'. Or 'Quick call about X? only 5 mins but important'. The reply might be 'yes, but in 10 mins as we're watching the end of a film' or 'Is tomorrow ok? I have a friend here just now.'

This post is highlights exactly the problems in the era of mobile phones and instant gratification. We are not owed immediate contact with anyone just because we desire it. When all of us were born, we didn’t even have the option of being gratified with contact upon immediate outreach. Now we have entitled people like the OP who believe the presence of a mobile phone means one must drop what they are doing to satisfy her desire for a chat. It’s lunacy. Having a phone gives the owner the right to decide when to answer; it doesn’t entitle the caller to have instant contact. We really need to stop this needy, pushy attitude. It’s illogical entitlement, nothing else.

I know somebody who always picks up when they are driving, which seems to be most of the time. I know they always have the phone on speaker but they are in their 80s and have had several (minor) accidents.

Apologies, rather off topic, just noticed thread is about the younger generation.

Doodledog I think that expecting people to drop everything and chat at your convenience is failing to recognise that people have things of their own to do. It's the same with dropping in unannounced.

I agree and to 2 threads, well done you!

BlessedArt

This post is highlights exactly the problems in the era of mobile phones and instant gratification. We are not owed immediate contact with anyone just because we desire it. When all of us were born, we didn’t even have the option of being gratified with contact upon immediate outreach. Now we have entitled people like the OP who believe the presence of a mobile phone means one must drop what they are doing to satisfy her desire for a chat. It’s lunacy. Having a phone gives the owner the right to decide when to answer; it doesn’t entitle the caller to have instant contact. We really need to stop this needy, pushy attitude. It’s illogical entitlement, nothing else.

Indeed.

As you say - pushy, entitled, and if I may add rude.

Doodledog

I text mine before calling if I just want a chat, but they expect me to answer within three seconds when they call me

Perhaps they visualise you collapsed on the floor!! For a while, one of my adult daughters was the same. If I was unable to respond at the time, I would phone as soon as I could. She always greeted me with ‘I was worried something had happened!’ I told her that it’s only youngsters who walk around with their phone in their hand. (I hate that as it implies that is all that they live for). I explained that even at 78, I still had a social life which didn’t depend on having my phone glued to me.
She is better now, as long as I contact her within the timescale she thinks is reasonable! She gets mildly annoyed when I laugh, and also when I WhatsApp her with ‘still breathing’!
I appreciate that she cares though.

I’m 66 and live with my husband, so am unlikely to be collapsed alone for long . I think it’s more that they forget that I have a busy life, as they do.

lippyqueen

A bit of a rant really. Every time I phone my adult kids, they never answer even though I know that they have the phone with them! Not only that but they have Apple Watches which also ring when the phone goes. I have come to the conclusion that they don’t want to talk to me and just ignore the call for the time being. I usually get a call back later, by which time the moment is gone! Does this happen to others? It’s very frustrating!!

I think it’s more that they can ‘ screen’ calls !
In the days of answer phone we could & would go this at times , listen to a message & decide to answer or call back .
So now you can instantly decide whether to answer.
The other thing is a mobile phone is while at best a good thing to have it can also be annoying!

My dh will call me for no particular reason & if I haven’t answered will question me when I either do respond by calling him back or when he gets home . His mantra then is “ It’s a mobile phone “

I tell him ‘ I was in the garden ‘ or ‘the phone was upstairs ‘
If I am at home I do not always have it on my person .

Also you don’t always know what the other person is doing , mobile phones are at worst intrusive

BlessedArt

This post is highlights exactly the problems in the era of mobile phones and instant gratification. We are not owed immediate contact with anyone just because we desire it. When all of us were born, we didn’t even have the option of being gratified with contact upon immediate outreach. Now we have entitled people like the OP who believe the presence of a mobile phone means one must drop what they are doing to satisfy her desire for a chat. It’s lunacy. Having a phone gives the owner the right to decide when to answer; it doesn’t entitle the caller to have instant contact. We really need to stop this needy, pushy attitude. It’s illogical entitlement, nothing else.

Harsh - but true.

Unless an emergency - does anyone, young or old, have the right to demand you are available at the caller's convenience?

It's not even necessary to list all the activities or situations which might prevent you from immediately answering a call - it could even be that you are not in the mood to just chat.