Hoarding

I don't know how anyone lives with a hoarder, it would make me ill. Far from perfect but I can’t function in an untidy environment.

I do get rid of the years old magazines etc. & eat the last biscuit & throw away the pack. The dinghy occupying 50% of the floor space in the spare room didn't go until my DS visited & we put it on the front lawn (knowing that he would be embarrassed to leave it there). That worked a treat but is a last resort.

I leave his little stashes of "treasures" he hides around the house.

It would be a problem if I wasn't here though.

Cossy

MayBee70

There are several programmes about hoarding. I literally sit in my living room surrounded by clutter and watch them. One programme has people with ocd going to peoples houses to help them. I relate to so much in these programmes; both the hoarding and the ocd ( although I must point out I’m not as extreme as the people in the programmes and can see that I’ve got a problem that needs addressing).

That sounds very like me!

Unfortunately I haven’t watched The Hoarder Next Door so that’s another series to binge watch whilst putting off my own decluttering. They do motivate me, though…( I do feel a bit sad watching them, though, as usually, when the houses have been cleaned and declutterred they still aren’t very nice and I’d love to go into them and dress them).

I recall a story about a woman who lost her husband and to cope with her loss she filled the hole in her heart/life with hoarding and collecting. A lot of it she piled in boxes on her bed in the space where her husband would have slept. Only when she couldn't get into bed due to all the stuff did she seek help.
She didn't want to throw anything away though, so involved the local primary school in taking some of her collectable items and things still in packets which they used, or sold to raise funds.
I don't remember where I came across this story but I never forgot it.
I'm not a hoarder but I know when I moved into my present home I was hurt from a previous relationship and didn't want to invest any emotional energy in my new house.
Hence lots of stuff has been left in boxes even after 7 years.
I recently emptied a section of my wardrobe to find it full of bags, most of which were full of rubbish that had never been emptied.
Now they are stacked up near the boxes on the bedroom floor and there is empty space in the wardrobe.
I hope I can bring myself to deal with those bags soon, but I have to take it very slowly...

There’s nothing I like better than making order out of chaos! I’d be in my element with your bags!
Seriously, I am quite messy myself (although clean) and every so often, I have a clear out. Very satisfying.
My tip is only to do one bag at once. If it’s a boring one, persevere! Don’t try to find a better one. There is something very therapeutic about sorting a boring pointless bag and disposing of the contents. Then, you can empty a more interesting one, hopefully!

Allsorts

I don't know how anyone lives with a hoarder, it would make me ill. Far from perfect but I can’t function in an untidy environment.

I am the same. I used to say that I couldn't marry a man who smoked, nor one who was untidy. DH slipped under my guard.

He is what I call tidly untidy. No clothes or wet towels dropped on the floor. The clothes are neatly folded over the back of a chair, towels are neatly folded, then draped on the bed. Everything taken out of a drawer or cupboard, is left neatly beside it, or under it or on it, but never back where it belongs.

When we were dating we would go back to his bedsit, where everything was in neat piles around the room, and I mistook the heaps for tidiness. - Never mind, he was worth it.

This situation highlights the importance of decluttering. Imagine navigating a real-life level in Geometry Dash , but instead of geometric shapes, it's piles of stuff! Each obstacle is a potential fire hazard, a forgotten memory, or a useless item. It's a tough challenge to overcome, showing how hoarding can severely impact safety and mental well-being. Finding peace within the chaos feels like finally beating that impossible level in Geometry Dash.
geometrydashjump.com/

reported

I think i can top all of these. My husband said it was my inheritance. 2 garages, 2 vehicles ( i don't drive) 1 trailer, 1 caravan. My son was starting to clear, but has cancer, and now paralysed. Hopefully someone in family can help. I have too much stuff too, and have been taking to charity shops.

My sibling is married to a chronic hoarder who was allowed to go his own sweet way
for 55 years. The crunch came when they reached extreme old age living precariously in
extreme squalor.

M0nica

Allsorts

I don't know how anyone lives with a hoarder, it would make me ill. Far from perfect but I can’t function in an untidy environment.

I am the same. I used to say that I couldn't marry a man who smoked, nor one who was untidy. DH slipped under my guard.

He is what I call tidly untidy. No clothes or wet towels dropped on the floor. The clothes are neatly folded over the back of a chair, towels are neatly folded, then draped on the bed. Everything taken out of a drawer or cupboard, is left neatly beside it, or under it or on it, but never back where it belongs.

When we were dating we would go back to his bedsit, where everything was in neat piles around the room, and I mistook the heaps for tidiness. - Never mind, he was worth it.

That's how I am. I will leave something lying around for weeks/months, look at it and wonder why I never put it back. Also get something out of a cupboard to use and, again, wonder why I don't just put it straight back. But don't. But my mess is quite well organised. And my drawers and cupboards are immaculate. It's what's outside of them that isn't.

Crossstitchfan

There’s nothing I like better than making order out of chaos! I’d be in my element with your bags!
Seriously, I am quite messy myself (although clean) and every so often, I have a clear out. Very satisfying.
My tip is only to do one bag at once. If it’s a boring one, persevere! Don’t try to find a better one. There is something very therapeutic about sorting a boring pointless bag and disposing of the contents. Then, you can empty a more interesting one, hopefully!

I could happily go into someone elses house and tidy/organise it. When I house sit at my daughters beautiful show home standard house I have to stop myself from tidying her fridge, cupboards etc [unless I've asked her permission of course]. I just can't do my own. I leave my partners house immaculate [when he's not there he has friends staying and I feel obliged to clean it thoroughly; I also decorated and furnished it when he first bought it]. But I go home to complete chaos.

I am just sorting and tidying my little study at the moment and I have just found a stash of cash. Now there’s an incentive!

I put things away that "might be useful" but luckily if I haven't used them after a few weeks or maybe months I do then have a clear out. I have loads of clothes that I need to dispose of that don't fit me and that I have no chance of ever slimming into. Thats what I am going to do next. If it does fit or I don't like it its going to a charity or in the bin. I'm not as bad as a hoarder because I have seen the way some of those poor people live and would hope that I never have that type of mental health issue.

Many years ago on 'Through The Keyhole' they showed Hannah Hauxwell's house, Claire Rayner was on the panel and she said This looks like someone who is decorating' boxes of stuff were piled high. When Hannah came out Claire asked if she was decorating, and Hannah replied 'no' it was just how she lived. The safety hazards are frightening 🫤

On the hoarding programme I watched yesterday the woman just had piles of fag ends piled up in her bedroom. She swapped rooms with her son, started a new pike but he lived with the remaining ones. How that house didn’t catch fire is beyond me. My house isn’t a fire hazard ( although there is a lot of paper in the loft) but it is a trip hazard. Mainly from things I’ve moved around in an attempt to declutter!

I’m the opposite of a hoarder and periodically ‘move stuff along’ either selling it, or giving it to charity. The two year rule, if it hasn’t been used in about the last couple of years, it goes, apart from MrJ’s carrier bag of cables!
We have a friend that hoards books, never gets rid of one, food too, he’s stocked for the duration, he’s due to downsize in the near future, we’ll see how that goes.

Jaxjacky

I’m the opposite of a hoarder and periodically ‘move stuff along’ either selling it, or giving it to charity. The two year rule, if it hasn’t been used in about the last couple of years, it goes, apart from MrJ’s carrier bag of cables!
We have a friend that hoards books, never gets rid of one, food too, he’s stocked for the duration, he’s due to downsize in the near future, we’ll see how that goes.

Can I meet your friend we’d get on well !

My recently deceased uncle was a hoarder on an epic scale sadly. The rubbish deteriorated from waist to ceiling high & it was worse than Mr Trebus. I learned not to throw anything out our risk his wrath, not even old wine bottles could be recycled. He said it overwhelmed him but he couldn't cope with throwing anything away including domestic refuse. It was definitely due to past trauma and mental illness with him. The weird thing was if we ate out he would complain if the cutlery or glasses were smeary looking.

We have a friend that hoards books, never gets rid of one

Paperback novels can go, in the main, but some books are treasures to be re-read or looked through again and again.

Hoarding SOS on Ch 4 is very good because it points out what things are worth selling.

If only it were that simple.

Help is always refused , it’s now the habit of a lifetime. While that’s fine & ours is not to question the whys . It’s about making a
comfy home in later years for someone you care about . Making a safe & healthy home 🏡

MayBee70

Hoarding SOS on Ch 4 is very good because it points out what things are worth selling.

One man’s junk etc 😎

If something might be useful someday, why not give it away to someone else who can give it love and not neglect. Give happiness. Thats more useful than stuff. Its not abandoning the item. Its letting it fly free. All you have is your own self. The items are not you.

- Spoken from someone trying to downsize to nothing.

Madmeg

My DH is a serial hoarder. He had no childhood traumas but was brought up in a 10-roomed house (two terraces knocked into one when his grandad died) and every room was full of "stuff". Some were so full you could not get in the door, and several were full of junk. Sadly DH is the same, and getting worse. The newspaper article is common - but he keeps the whole newspaper. He never reads them, and to my mind clearly has no intention to cos he wouldn't be able to find them amongst the rest of the junk. When his mother died he insisted on bringing a whole load of "ornaments" some of which had never seen the light of day - and I learnt that he had no idea where most of them had come from or even whether he had seen them before!

We have 9 rooms here (ignoring bathrooms) and half are full of his stuff. Also a large garage (that doesn't have rubbish in cos I cleared it out, but is a terrible mess). We have separate bedrooms (for years) and you can barely find the bed. All clothes/shoes are thrown on the floor. His "study" contains at least six broken computers and he has rarely ever used a computer at home. Hundreds of books, some of them text books from his long-gone days of lecturing in random subjects, and many are not even his. His clothes cupboards contain mostly stuff either worn out or never worn at all. If we go on holiday I ask if he has some beige trousers and he says "no" so I buy a new pair, only to find ten pairs already in the wardrobe (on the floor). It is a nightmare to me, and I can do nothing about it. His room can't be cleaned, he never changes the bed, it smells.

This week he rang his oldest, closest friend who has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. We haven't seen him and his wife for about five year, and the chap suggested they come and visit us "for a change of scene". DH was about to say "yes" before he saw my face - there is no way we can invite anyone into our home. If people come to the door, we keep them there! It is grossly embarrassing and I hate him for it.

But is it a mental illness? Is it laziness? Slovenliness?

I must add that I'm not the tidiest of wives by a long chalk - but not on his scale. It's not only depressing but with the house in the state it is in, I cannot find my own things.

Just one more thing becomes a habit, which gets worse over time, so you get to a point where it is too hard to clear.
- Try just removing things one at a time without him seeing
- try buying some storage boxes so they are tidier, then lose one, and then another
- phone Stacy Solomon's programme?

I am a hooked hoarder, but I now have a rule that one thing goes every month - my book pile is going out faster than it is coming in. BUT when I see yesterday's throwaways showing up as today's treasures, I find it hard. (My 60's red anglepoise lamp....)
I do have a scanner though, so those articles are all on one tiny stick; now for the photos....

Yes I have boxes of my mother's bits. My DH is a thrower. And yes, as soon as I get rid of something he or my DD ask for it!

A friend got her DH hooked on selling on eBay! She now has to watch his feed to make sure he is not getting rid of what she wants to keep.