Hoarding

Sadly, some people live by the mantra "that might come in useful......" so it's easy, when you step back, to imagine how things can get out of hand.
Piles of stuff seem to turn into a security blanket.

I met several people with this issue in my time as a District Nurse. I'm afraid there is often nothing you can do until there is a crisis. It is and you say a Mental Health issue and its going to need professional help to make any difference. I am sorry for the worry this is giving you and I hope the crisis is more social than dangerous.

I don't think hoarders have a 'that might be useful ' sense of belongings. I think it's connected to trauma and needs to be carefully unpicked by a professional therapist, and that's only if the hoarder allows. People who hoard have an overly emotional attachment to objects and it hurts them to get rid of them. You cannot get rid of their stuff, unfortunately. My late uncle 'collected' all his adult life. He, my aunt and my dad were orphaned very young and their belongings were either discarded or given away. I could understand why he needed to cling to belongings. In a way, it's like an addiction. The hoarder has to want to change and go through with it

Samsara1

I met several people with this issue in my time as a District Nurse. I'm afraid there is often nothing you can do until there is a crisis. It is and you say a Mental Health issue and its going to need professional help to make any difference. I am sorry for the worry this is giving you and I hope the crisis is more social than dangerous.

My DD is also a District Nurse & in this instance she says that they would not enter the property.
This in fact was the case not long ago upon a hospital discharge , other arrangement made via GP appointments not being kept all resulting in that 999 call .
Yes, the person is not going to change I am aware of that far too old & also I realise this is a trauma & have knowledge of the reasons behind this which go back to childhood & beyond .

All help is & has been refused for many years the request for me to gain access was actually a breakthrough.
But not entirely a pleasant one once the door was opened.

The charity MIND lists contacts relevant to hoarding - this is the link.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hoarding/useful-contacts-for-hoarding/

Grandmabatty

I don't think hoarders have a 'that might be useful ' sense of belongings. I think it's connected to trauma and needs to be carefully unpicked by a professional therapist, and that's only if the hoarder allows. People who hoard have an overly emotional attachment to objects and it hurts them to get rid of them. You cannot get rid of their stuff, unfortunately. My late uncle 'collected' all his adult life. He, my aunt and my dad were orphaned very young and their belongings were either discarded or given away. I could understand why he needed to cling to belongings. In a way, it's like an addiction. The hoarder has to want to change and go through with it

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Having seen many tv programmes on this sad hoarding habit it’s always connected to past trauma.

I have both living and deceased close family members and friends who hoard/hoarded.
I don't believe they have any option but to live the way they do. Intervention, medication, therapy (if available) has not made a sustainable difference.
Each person who hoards is an individual, not all are unkempt and dirty, or live in squalor. I have a friend who hoards books, she would never recognise she is a hoarder, she is highly successful, high functioning, but the lengths she goes to store books is hoarding.
No matter how difficult it is do not judge, do not criticise and do not clean, move, dispose of any of their belongings without their absolute consent (and l would say active participation).

You will know, NanaT Tuesday, how softly you have to tread and probably emotional support is all you'll be able to offer. Moving a cup, removing a newspaper may cause the person who hoards to lose any trust they gave in you and communication will be lost.
All the people l know that hoard are very nice people, trying to cope with lives complicated by mental disorder. I always feel honoured (for want if a better word) that they trust me enough to be open about their condition. I see beyond the hoarding, l see the person.

Hoarding is recognised as a mental illness, which rises, as the result of trauma. as others have pointed out. Some years ago there was a programme on C called 'The Hoarder next door' presented by a lovely university pyschologist called Stellos Kiosses, who treated those featuring on the programme with gentleness and understanding.

Grandmabatty

I don't think hoarders have a 'that might be useful ' sense of belongings. I think it's connected to trauma and needs to be carefully unpicked by a professional therapist, and that's only if the hoarder allows. People who hoard have an overly emotional attachment to objects and it hurts them to get rid of them. You cannot get rid of their stuff, unfortunately. My late uncle 'collected' all his adult life. He, my aunt and my dad were orphaned very young and their belongings were either discarded or given away. I could understand why he needed to cling to belongings. In a way, it's like an addiction. The hoarder has to want to change and go through with it

Goid post, GrandmaBatty.

People who hoard do they did suffer from extreme anxiety.

We have paperwork dating back years too but it's all in files, thanks to DH. (hence my ability to find out exactly what our household fuel bill was 5 years ago on another thread). I want to cull books, all on bookshelves, or boxes in the attic, not in piles on the floor, but he doesn't.

I do hang on to things too but would say our house is generally neat and tidy, or is when we have no-one staying.

Often, if I get rid of something, I need that item a month or so later.

Good post! 😃

Memo to self - "Do not post when someone is asking you a question."

M0nica

Hoarding is recognised as a mental illness, which rises, as the result of trauma. as others have pointed out. Some years ago there was a programme on C called 'The Hoarder next door' presented by a lovely university pyschologist called Stellos Kiosses, who treated those featuring on the programme with gentleness and understanding.

Thanks, I could remember the programmes but not his name.

My mother was a hoarder, not to the extent of mr Trebus the Polish man on a tv programme years ago, but she suffered huge losses in her youth and was left without a home or
possessions, which affected her all of her life.
I am a bit like her but a watered down version,
Does anyone remember Mr Trebus? I don’t think I will ever forget him.

There are several programmes about hoarding. I literally sit in my living room surrounded by clutter and watch them. One programme has people with ocd going to peoples houses to help them. I relate to so much in these programmes; both the hoarding and the ocd ( although I must point out I’m not as extreme as the people in the programmes and can see that I’ve got a problem that needs addressing).

Yes, I remember Mr Trebus silverlining. It was so very sad, and if I remember correctly his hoarding stemmed from his experiences in Poland during WW2, and the loss of everything dear to him.

Hoarding is not necessarily caused by trauma. It's only been recognised as a mental health condition in the last decade so research is minimal and ongoing. Genetics and brain function are also being researched as possible causes.

Hoarding can also be a symptom of underlying mental illness, rather than an illness itself.

silverlining48

My mother was a hoarder, not to the extent of mr Trebus the Polish man on a tv programme years ago, but she suffered huge losses in her youth and was left without a home or
possessions, which affected her all of her life.
I am a bit like her but a watered down version,
Does anyone remember Mr Trebus? I don’t think I will ever forget him.

I remember Mr Trebus!

MayBee70

There are several programmes about hoarding. I literally sit in my living room surrounded by clutter and watch them. One programme has people with ocd going to peoples houses to help them. I relate to so much in these programmes; both the hoarding and the ocd ( although I must point out I’m not as extreme as the people in the programmes and can see that I’ve got a problem that needs addressing).

That sounds very like me!

Not an extreme case like those already mentioned but my late husband was in some ways a hoarder and since he died I have had the task of dispersing everything. When he was alive and I was encouraging him to reduce his stuff, he said, “ You get rid of my stuff and you get rid of me”.
One friend said “ Get a skip”. I didn’t. Actually very little has gone to landfill, thankfully. His collections have been sold, actually some for very good money as what is one person’s hoarding is another person’s interest. Much has been recycled or gone to auction as one of our local auction houses will sell anything, including old hi-fi stuff. But ordinary useful items which most households might have one of, he had three, or six or seven. So they have been dispersed to family and friends.

Yes, money was short when he was young, but not that short. He did not have a deprived or traumatic childhood, nor a mental illness. I have no easy explanations.

My DH is a serial hoarder. He had no childhood traumas but was brought up in a 10-roomed house (two terraces knocked into one when his grandad died) and every room was full of "stuff". Some were so full you could not get in the door, and several were full of junk. Sadly DH is the same, and getting worse. The newspaper article is common - but he keeps the whole newspaper. He never reads them, and to my mind clearly has no intention to cos he wouldn't be able to find them amongst the rest of the junk. When his mother died he insisted on bringing a whole load of "ornaments" some of which had never seen the light of day - and I learnt that he had no idea where most of them had come from or even whether he had seen them before!

We have 9 rooms here (ignoring bathrooms) and half are full of his stuff. Also a large garage (that doesn't have rubbish in cos I cleared it out, but is a terrible mess). We have separate bedrooms (for years) and you can barely find the bed. All clothes/shoes are thrown on the floor. His "study" contains at least six broken computers and he has rarely ever used a computer at home. Hundreds of books, some of them text books from his long-gone days of lecturing in random subjects, and many are not even his. His clothes cupboards contain mostly stuff either worn out or never worn at all. If we go on holiday I ask if he has some beige trousers and he says "no" so I buy a new pair, only to find ten pairs already in the wardrobe (on the floor). It is a nightmare to me, and I can do nothing about it. His room can't be cleaned, he never changes the bed, it smells.

This week he rang his oldest, closest friend who has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. We haven't seen him and his wife for about five year, and the chap suggested they come and visit us "for a change of scene". DH was about to say "yes" before he saw my face - there is no way we can invite anyone into our home. If people come to the door, we keep them there! It is grossly embarrassing and I hate him for it.

But is it a mental illness? Is it laziness? Slovenliness?

I must add that I'm not the tidiest of wives by a long chalk - but not on his scale. It's not only depressing but with the house in the state it is in, I cannot find my own things.

Madmeg I know a woman who has to live like this. She's not happy about the situation either.

My husband's sister is a hoarder and admits it. She's 64, lives alone, kids all have their own homes. She's kept every stick of furniture her (and obviously my husband's) mum had - who died 10 years ago. She told me that she's got stuff piled up downstairs to waist height and upstairs to shoulder height. Her kids and grandchildren haven't been in her house for 10 years (nobody has; she refuses to let anyone in). The house is in disrepair. She works from home and has 13 weeks' holiday a year (education authority), but does nothing to tackle her mountains of "stuff" and refuses all offers of help. She manages to shower, but has no running hot water. She hasn't hung washing outdoors for 10 years, so the house is musty and damp (all her clothes smell like that whenever she's been to us). I don't know how to help her when she refuses to let us do anything.

Grandmabatty

I don't think hoarders have a 'that might be useful ' sense of belongings. I think it's connected to trauma and needs to be carefully unpicked by a professional therapist, and that's only if the hoarder allows. People who hoard have an overly emotional attachment to objects and it hurts them to get rid of them. You cannot get rid of their stuff, unfortunately. My late uncle 'collected' all his adult life. He, my aunt and my dad were orphaned very young and their belongings were either discarded or given away. I could understand why he needed to cling to belongings. In a way, it's like an addiction. The hoarder has to want to change and go through with it

My DH is a bit like this. He's not "come in useful" minded as if we need something & I think I've got one I put somewhere years ago, he won't wait for me to find it but prefers to go & buy new.
I'm probably more hoarder than minimal baggage, but I do like to get rid of things we won't possibly ever use again. HE an get quite stroppy if he sees something on TV etc (I used to have one like that, mum gave it away / you gave it away etc) even of it's something that was never intended to last forever.
It's a compulsion as he always leaves one teabag in the pack, one biscuit in the pack, one paractemol in the bubble pack - I used to find this infuriating but have come to realise he just finds it upsetting to throw anything away.