Hoarding

I put things away that "might be useful" but luckily if I haven't used them after a few weeks or maybe months I do then have a clear out. I have loads of clothes that I need to dispose of that don't fit me and that I have no chance of ever slimming into. Thats what I am going to do next. If it does fit or I don't like it its going to a charity or in the bin. I'm not as bad as a hoarder because I have seen the way some of those poor people live and would hope that I never have that type of mental health issue.

I am just sorting and tidying my little study at the moment and I have just found a stash of cash. Now there’s an incentive!

Crossstitchfan

There’s nothing I like better than making order out of chaos! I’d be in my element with your bags!
Seriously, I am quite messy myself (although clean) and every so often, I have a clear out. Very satisfying.
My tip is only to do one bag at once. If it’s a boring one, persevere! Don’t try to find a better one. There is something very therapeutic about sorting a boring pointless bag and disposing of the contents. Then, you can empty a more interesting one, hopefully!

I could happily go into someone elses house and tidy/organise it. When I house sit at my daughters beautiful show home standard house I have to stop myself from tidying her fridge, cupboards etc [unless I've asked her permission of course]. I just can't do my own. I leave my partners house immaculate [when he's not there he has friends staying and I feel obliged to clean it thoroughly; I also decorated and furnished it when he first bought it]. But I go home to complete chaos.

M0nica

Allsorts

I don't know how anyone lives with a hoarder, it would make me ill. Far from perfect but I can’t function in an untidy environment.

I am the same. I used to say that I couldn't marry a man who smoked, nor one who was untidy. DH slipped under my guard.

He is what I call tidly untidy. No clothes or wet towels dropped on the floor. The clothes are neatly folded over the back of a chair, towels are neatly folded, then draped on the bed. Everything taken out of a drawer or cupboard, is left neatly beside it, or under it or on it, but never back where it belongs.

When we were dating we would go back to his bedsit, where everything was in neat piles around the room, and I mistook the heaps for tidiness. - Never mind, he was worth it.

That's how I am. I will leave something lying around for weeks/months, look at it and wonder why I never put it back. Also get something out of a cupboard to use and, again, wonder why I don't just put it straight back. But don't. But my mess is quite well organised. And my drawers and cupboards are immaculate. It's what's outside of them that isn't.

My sibling is married to a chronic hoarder who was allowed to go his own sweet way
for 55 years. The crunch came when they reached extreme old age living precariously in
extreme squalor.

I think i can top all of these. My husband said it was my inheritance. 2 garages, 2 vehicles ( i don't drive) 1 trailer, 1 caravan. My son was starting to clear, but has cancer, and now paralysed. Hopefully someone in family can help. I have too much stuff too, and have been taking to charity shops.

reported

This situation highlights the importance of decluttering. Imagine navigating a real-life level in Geometry Dash , but instead of geometric shapes, it's piles of stuff! Each obstacle is a potential fire hazard, a forgotten memory, or a useless item. It's a tough challenge to overcome, showing how hoarding can severely impact safety and mental well-being. Finding peace within the chaos feels like finally beating that impossible level in Geometry Dash.
geometrydashjump.com/

Allsorts

I don't know how anyone lives with a hoarder, it would make me ill. Far from perfect but I can’t function in an untidy environment.

I am the same. I used to say that I couldn't marry a man who smoked, nor one who was untidy. DH slipped under my guard.

He is what I call tidly untidy. No clothes or wet towels dropped on the floor. The clothes are neatly folded over the back of a chair, towels are neatly folded, then draped on the bed. Everything taken out of a drawer or cupboard, is left neatly beside it, or under it or on it, but never back where it belongs.

When we were dating we would go back to his bedsit, where everything was in neat piles around the room, and I mistook the heaps for tidiness. - Never mind, he was worth it.

There’s nothing I like better than making order out of chaos! I’d be in my element with your bags!
Seriously, I am quite messy myself (although clean) and every so often, I have a clear out. Very satisfying.
My tip is only to do one bag at once. If it’s a boring one, persevere! Don’t try to find a better one. There is something very therapeutic about sorting a boring pointless bag and disposing of the contents. Then, you can empty a more interesting one, hopefully!

I recall a story about a woman who lost her husband and to cope with her loss she filled the hole in her heart/life with hoarding and collecting. A lot of it she piled in boxes on her bed in the space where her husband would have slept. Only when she couldn't get into bed due to all the stuff did she seek help.
She didn't want to throw anything away though, so involved the local primary school in taking some of her collectable items and things still in packets which they used, or sold to raise funds.
I don't remember where I came across this story but I never forgot it.
I'm not a hoarder but I know when I moved into my present home I was hurt from a previous relationship and didn't want to invest any emotional energy in my new house.
Hence lots of stuff has been left in boxes even after 7 years.
I recently emptied a section of my wardrobe to find it full of bags, most of which were full of rubbish that had never been emptied.
Now they are stacked up near the boxes on the bedroom floor and there is empty space in the wardrobe.
I hope I can bring myself to deal with those bags soon, but I have to take it very slowly...

Cossy

MayBee70

There are several programmes about hoarding. I literally sit in my living room surrounded by clutter and watch them. One programme has people with ocd going to peoples houses to help them. I relate to so much in these programmes; both the hoarding and the ocd ( although I must point out I’m not as extreme as the people in the programmes and can see that I’ve got a problem that needs addressing).

That sounds very like me!

Unfortunately I haven’t watched The Hoarder Next Door so that’s another series to binge watch whilst putting off my own decluttering. They do motivate me, though…( I do feel a bit sad watching them, though, as usually, when the houses have been cleaned and declutterred they still aren’t very nice and I’d love to go into them and dress them).

I do get rid of the years old magazines etc. & eat the last biscuit & throw away the pack. The dinghy occupying 50% of the floor space in the spare room didn't go until my DS visited & we put it on the front lawn (knowing that he would be embarrassed to leave it there). That worked a treat but is a last resort.

I leave his little stashes of "treasures" he hides around the house.

It would be a problem if I wasn't here though.

I don't know how anyone lives with a hoarder, it would make me ill. Far from perfect but I can’t function in an untidy environment.

Grandmabatty

I don't think hoarders have a 'that might be useful ' sense of belongings. I think it's connected to trauma and needs to be carefully unpicked by a professional therapist, and that's only if the hoarder allows. People who hoard have an overly emotional attachment to objects and it hurts them to get rid of them. You cannot get rid of their stuff, unfortunately. My late uncle 'collected' all his adult life. He, my aunt and my dad were orphaned very young and their belongings were either discarded or given away. I could understand why he needed to cling to belongings. In a way, it's like an addiction. The hoarder has to want to change and go through with it

My DH is a bit like this. He's not "come in useful" minded as if we need something & I think I've got one I put somewhere years ago, he won't wait for me to find it but prefers to go & buy new.
I'm probably more hoarder than minimal baggage, but I do like to get rid of things we won't possibly ever use again. HE an get quite stroppy if he sees something on TV etc (I used to have one like that, mum gave it away / you gave it away etc) even of it's something that was never intended to last forever.
It's a compulsion as he always leaves one teabag in the pack, one biscuit in the pack, one paractemol in the bubble pack - I used to find this infuriating but have come to realise he just finds it upsetting to throw anything away.

My husband's sister is a hoarder and admits it. She's 64, lives alone, kids all have their own homes. She's kept every stick of furniture her (and obviously my husband's) mum had - who died 10 years ago. She told me that she's got stuff piled up downstairs to waist height and upstairs to shoulder height. Her kids and grandchildren haven't been in her house for 10 years (nobody has; she refuses to let anyone in). The house is in disrepair. She works from home and has 13 weeks' holiday a year (education authority), but does nothing to tackle her mountains of "stuff" and refuses all offers of help. She manages to shower, but has no running hot water. She hasn't hung washing outdoors for 10 years, so the house is musty and damp (all her clothes smell like that whenever she's been to us). I don't know how to help her when she refuses to let us do anything.

Madmeg I know a woman who has to live like this. She's not happy about the situation either.

My DH is a serial hoarder. He had no childhood traumas but was brought up in a 10-roomed house (two terraces knocked into one when his grandad died) and every room was full of "stuff". Some were so full you could not get in the door, and several were full of junk. Sadly DH is the same, and getting worse. The newspaper article is common - but he keeps the whole newspaper. He never reads them, and to my mind clearly has no intention to cos he wouldn't be able to find them amongst the rest of the junk. When his mother died he insisted on bringing a whole load of "ornaments" some of which had never seen the light of day - and I learnt that he had no idea where most of them had come from or even whether he had seen them before!

We have 9 rooms here (ignoring bathrooms) and half are full of his stuff. Also a large garage (that doesn't have rubbish in cos I cleared it out, but is a terrible mess). We have separate bedrooms (for years) and you can barely find the bed. All clothes/shoes are thrown on the floor. His "study" contains at least six broken computers and he has rarely ever used a computer at home. Hundreds of books, some of them text books from his long-gone days of lecturing in random subjects, and many are not even his. His clothes cupboards contain mostly stuff either worn out or never worn at all. If we go on holiday I ask if he has some beige trousers and he says "no" so I buy a new pair, only to find ten pairs already in the wardrobe (on the floor). It is a nightmare to me, and I can do nothing about it. His room can't be cleaned, he never changes the bed, it smells.

This week he rang his oldest, closest friend who has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. We haven't seen him and his wife for about five year, and the chap suggested they come and visit us "for a change of scene". DH was about to say "yes" before he saw my face - there is no way we can invite anyone into our home. If people come to the door, we keep them there! It is grossly embarrassing and I hate him for it.

But is it a mental illness? Is it laziness? Slovenliness?

I must add that I'm not the tidiest of wives by a long chalk - but not on his scale. It's not only depressing but with the house in the state it is in, I cannot find my own things.

Not an extreme case like those already mentioned but my late husband was in some ways a hoarder and since he died I have had the task of dispersing everything. When he was alive and I was encouraging him to reduce his stuff, he said, “ You get rid of my stuff and you get rid of me”.
One friend said “ Get a skip”. I didn’t. Actually very little has gone to landfill, thankfully. His collections have been sold, actually some for very good money as what is one person’s hoarding is another person’s interest. Much has been recycled or gone to auction as one of our local auction houses will sell anything, including old hi-fi stuff. But ordinary useful items which most households might have one of, he had three, or six or seven. So they have been dispersed to family and friends.

Yes, money was short when he was young, but not that short. He did not have a deprived or traumatic childhood, nor a mental illness. I have no easy explanations.

MayBee70

There are several programmes about hoarding. I literally sit in my living room surrounded by clutter and watch them. One programme has people with ocd going to peoples houses to help them. I relate to so much in these programmes; both the hoarding and the ocd ( although I must point out I’m not as extreme as the people in the programmes and can see that I’ve got a problem that needs addressing).

That sounds very like me!

silverlining48

My mother was a hoarder, not to the extent of mr Trebus the Polish man on a tv programme years ago, but she suffered huge losses in her youth and was left without a home or
possessions, which affected her all of her life.
I am a bit like her but a watered down version,
Does anyone remember Mr Trebus? I don’t think I will ever forget him.

I remember Mr Trebus!

Hoarding can also be a symptom of underlying mental illness, rather than an illness itself.

Hoarding is not necessarily caused by trauma. It's only been recognised as a mental health condition in the last decade so research is minimal and ongoing. Genetics and brain function are also being researched as possible causes.

Yes, I remember Mr Trebus silverlining. It was so very sad, and if I remember correctly his hoarding stemmed from his experiences in Poland during WW2, and the loss of everything dear to him.

There are several programmes about hoarding. I literally sit in my living room surrounded by clutter and watch them. One programme has people with ocd going to peoples houses to help them. I relate to so much in these programmes; both the hoarding and the ocd ( although I must point out I’m not as extreme as the people in the programmes and can see that I’ve got a problem that needs addressing).