Congratulations on your new baby.
Have I got this right? You've sold your house and now live in your partner's house. It's his intention to sell his house.
Where will you live then?
What happened to the money from the sale of your house? Do you have that somewhere secure in your name?
OP, it's not meant to be this difficult. These are meant to be happy days for you where you and your partner work as a team. Can you and he have a sensible discussion about how you and your new baby will live, where and in what circumstances for the next few years at least?
Gransnet forums
AIBU
Partner and his word
(32 Posts)By the way, it does NOT cost money to propose.
I don't really trust your partner.
I I was in your position I think I'd want to sell the house just as it is.
Fix the leak and put it on the market.
It may be years more before the house is done.
Do you want to continue living like this?
Does he?
How much equity is in the house?
If it was sold "as is" could you get your capital back?
Do you want to bring your child up with such a man?
You both sound like children to me and I feel sorry for your baby.
It seems like you have burnt your boats, you either live like this as he us unlikely to change or get out. You had a child but sold your own house, you should have been on the deeds etc before giving up your security.
I am not sure that GN is the right place for best advice, but if you were on MN I am 100% certain that you would be told "GET RID" in no uncertain terms!
I have been married for 53 years and my DH is very much like yours. He says he will do "things" and rarely, if ever, does. He says he forgets, hasn't had time, will do it tomorrow/next week/when he has time (which apparently he never has). However, it is only recently he has become angry or annoyed with me for "reminding him when he doesn't need reminding" while in your case it seems to be very early in your relationship. I do know that his reluctance has caused me a lot of distress as it seems that we have never shared the same aims or wants in life, and I am worn out with having to do everything in the home if I want it done. That said, he is usually happy with having it done for him!
But it doesn't sound like a fair partnership to me
I don't really have a solution for you (if I did I wouldn't still be waiting for my DH to actually DO what he says he will), but I imagine there will be one of two outcomes - either he changes his approach to sharing a life with you and your child or you accept that you are maybe going to struggle like this for a very long time.
One other thought is that he could have ADHD. People with it do procrastinate a lot, get distracted from what needs doing, take a long time to complete tasks etc. One of my SILs is like that - he means well, but my DD has learnt ways of guiding him to do things in small chunks rather than facing him with what he sees as a mega burden. But he has never been nasty to her and realises that he needs to find ways of dealing with the ADHD for both their benefits.
Good luck.
Me and my partner have just welcomed a baby girl into the world and she is 3 weeks old.
My partner has said he wants to propose and will once he sells his house as most of his money is tied up in his house. I accepted this but he can't just sell up, the house is in dire states and needs redecorating and some renovations. However, my partner doesn't have a great deal of money so things haven't really been getting done. He reluctantly reduced his pension contributions to allow him to do some house things. I sold my house to then move in with partner and he helped with alot of stuff. Once my house was sold he then started work on his house. However, he has had a leak for 2 years whcih has meant he has had to switch off the hot water upstairs. This means the only hot water in from the shower. He has a 2nd bathroom whcih he needs to install and has said for ages that once he installs the 2nd bathroom, he can properly bring up the floor boards in the main bathroom and find the leak. I made him promise me we would have hot water when baby arrived and he did. The two bathrooms haven't been touched since. He then bought lots of panelling to redecorate the livingroom and hall. He has done one wall in the livingroom in about 5 weeks and hasn't even started the rest.
Before I moved in, I said I wanted to go on his house deeds, as security for me and our baby. He didn't say no but didn't see the point and said he felt nervous as we'd been arguing lots and didn't want me taking half his house if we split when I haven't contributed to it. I was upset by this but didn't think about it again.
The other night I asked him when we would get wills written up (to leave things to our daughter). I only asked him this as its a benefit he gets from his work and said he can't get it free or cheaper. He then said he had been thinking about this and will speak with his manager so we can do this in a few weeks. He then said he was going to also put me on the house deeds. I was taken aback and asked him what changed his mind. He said we felt very secure now and it seems the right thing to do by our child. The next morning I said I didn't want things done purely because we had a child that I wanted him to do it becuaee of me and us. I then asked when he was going to do it. He then got angry and said I should be grateful that I'm going on the deeds and that it's nothing to do with Me when he does it. He said with me pushing him, it makes him not want to do it.
Last night he said he would make spag bol and he then said he was too tired and we had picky bits. I got him to promise, jokingly, he would spag bol tonight. He agreed. After eating quite a late snack I asked if he was still keeping his promise (I wasn't being that serious( he got angry and said he had enough of me second guessing him and not believing a word he says. He then stormed out and has been sitting upstairs since.
I don't know whay to say to him becuae whenever I ask wheh something is getting done, I apparently don't trust him and by asking I am pushing him not to do it. However if I don't ask, it neevr gets done. Aibu?
I don't know how to approach this.
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