Friends who "disappear" ;

Something may have happened to them that you don't know about which might have caused them to lack the energy to respond to daily chats. Suggest you do as others have said and leave it for a few months.

It's horrible for you, not knowing why, but you never know, you might suddenly get a message from them. Best not to chase them at all and remember the reason for no contact might not be anything to do with you!

Jampanda ,
How awful for you to be told this ,but you know it could all be some5ing & nothing .Maybe they have really suffered from what ever it was you all picked up on that cruise .

How about sending a card through the post ,simple words hello ,thinking of you . Desist telling them what you have been doing & just ask after them .

On the subject of holidays with friends many years back I had my very 1st NY CITY break , very exciting it was myself a friend of then 30 plus ( our children met as 5 year olds )her DS who I knew & SIL who I didn’t know .

None of us had been to the US before , My friend fell out with her DS ( they had also shared a room) the fall out was so bad the DS wanted to get a flight home .
I ended up for the rest of the break consoling HER the DS sharing my room with her .
Then to add insult to injury , at the airport JFK we were asked to take a different flight giving us another nights stay ,courtesy of the airline ( do they still do this btw) my friend declined & as she was the driver ,I felt I had been short changed .We remained free of sorts but it petered out some 15 years ago for no apparent reason she stopped all contact ,oddly

I had a friend whom I had known for many years. We both moved to different parts of the country. I wanted to keep in contact but although we had a response it was over 12 months later and obviously she did not want to keep in real contact as she did not provide her new address
Another family we knew moved and we suggested meeting up but no response . So sad when your memory is of good times but something obviously went astray in the friendship
I feel for you but I think it is time to move on and start a new friendship

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Jampanda. I had a good friend of many years ‘ghost’ me for no apparent reason. I learnt from another friend many years later that she had felt jealous towards me when her marriage started failing, so I know just how hurtful this can be and how many hours spent analysing the situation were in fact wasted!

It could be that in reality they were just fair weather friends and resented the assistance they gave you at the end of the holiday, despite the fact that they had invited themselves along. There is old saying ‘friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime’. Maybe they were just there for a season.

Of all the comments MissRedd’s stand out for her kindness and Sadgrandma for her excellent advice should you choose to follow it.

I do hope you’re fully recovered from pneumonia, it certainly wasn’t a great end to the holiday but hope the happy memories make up for it. Let us know what happens!

Sadgrandma (I’m sorry you’re sad) says it perfectly. After illness it’s perfectly possible they really can’t be bothered with anything . If they instigated the daily chats then perhaps it’s hard for them if you are instigating them now … Leave it another 6 weeks and then say something like Sadgrandma said or send a card etc . Sometimes friends disappear for no reason . A long cruise together and illness may have been too much …!

You may wish they'd explain but some people prefer silence. I suspect your friends are the latter, supposing you feel as they do - done.

Our old Morris Traveller - my favourite car ever! After many years we sold it for a profit too, luxuriant growth of moss included.

How does the saying go - familiarity breeds contempt. How true that is. The number of people I have known who gone on holiday, generally with family , fall out and never speak again.

Sometimes you have to accept that you are never going to know why a friendship ended. In my experience people avoid explaining. You just have to leave things unfinished which always feels uncomfortable.

Being ill at the end of the cruise may have caused some of the problem, because apparently how things end stays longer in our minds than the many days before. So for instance you will hear people say something like this : 'We had a great hotel and we all enjoyed xyz, but then just before we were due to leave it all went wrong when abc happened and spoilt it all' So this may have impacted on how they felt about the whole experience - not logical, but seems to be not uncommon. A bad experience at the end, seems to 'contaminate' what may have been good experiences earlier on. Of course I cannot know what really happened and hope you can move on without distress and remember the good things.

MayBee70

We would drive up mountains in it and pass all the fancy cars that couldn’t cope! When we filled up in garages people would point to her incredulously saying ‘Baum’. After I’d learned to drive in her, when I was a passenger in another car my foot would be going for the brake wondering why the driver was leaving it so late. It was a sad day when she eventually failed an MOT and was beyond help. My ex had actually bought a welding kit to keep her going; he became so proficient at it that the garage offered him a job. She went on to provide spares for another Moggie. I still have her number plate.

Omg my parents had 2 Morris Travellers one after the other! As we lived in a half-timbered Tudor cottage, it seemed appropriate

I agree with MissRedd.
If you appear to be running after them that could put them off and, from personal experience where I fell out with a former friend, they'll never tell you the truth about the reason for not wanting to hear from you anymore.
I know it's hurtful to be treated that way but you just have to accept that they are no longer friends and move on.

Agree 100% with Dickens.

MissRedd
What a very thoughtful and kind response to the poster.
I will remember these thoughts if I ever feel rejected or hurt by others.

I've been on holiday with one of my friends many times over the past 20 years, we get along like a house on fire, we would go every year but our circumstances have changed. We go walking with each other most days of the week too.

This is a difficult one to experience. I know it has left you feeling confused and somewhat hurt, perhaps. I don't want to put words in your mouth.

There are those who enjoy a good chat daily, those who like one weekly, and still others who seem to be happy to keep to themselves.

Regardless of which one they are, what is most important, it seems, is that these are "not your people." I know that sounds trite, but it may be true.

One thing time has taught me, after many experiences with feeling hurt and sometimes even rejected, is that I no longer wish to chase those who do not want to be in my world, or don't really want me to be in their world.

We just are not all meant to be the same, and I am learning that is OK. When you do find your "people", 'tis a thing of beauty and something to be cherished.

I wish you the very best and I hope you can see that this is their decision and all about who they are, not who you are. It sounds like your crowd is out there just waiting for you to find them. I I hope you find them and have a brilliant time.

What does your husband want to do about it?

Jampanda

Thanks for all your comments, as I said previously we have backed off and have had no contact in the last six weeks. We actually came back from the cruise over 11 weeks ago. It was a long cruise 5 weeks, Hubby and I had booked first when our friends decided to come with us. We definitely didn't spend much time together onboard as we all like to do different things, we mainly met up for meals and days ashore as they weren't confident to go ashore on their own. As I mentioned that we were all ill at the end of the trip, no idea what it was- some awful virus. I was actually the worst and ended up with pneumonia. Our friends helped us get home and we haven't seen anything of them since, and only had very basic contact for the first few weeks. We can't pinpoint anything that actually happened on the cruise that could have caused a problem, only that they seemed to become disappointed and grumpy but we put that down to being poorly.

Obviously there's a reason why this couple now feel 'claustrophobic' about daily chats which presumably they once were happy to engage with.

I think you have to accept that you might never know the reason though.

It could be something said or done during the cruise, or it could be that the daily chats have now become onerous - or both.

Whatever the reason, the ball is in their court.

It may be that the cruise didn't turn out the way they'd hoped - and the nasty germ or virus you all caught obviously didn't help matters. Whatever the reason for the cooling off I don't think it's worthwhile going over the details in your head, sometimes these things are too nuanced to decipher. It could, for example, be that some remark made by you or your DH upset them (or one of them) - something you won't even remember; on the other hand, it might just as easily be a general feeling of disappointment with the holiday. And nothing really to do with you.

Being told that your regular chats make them feel claustrophobic is something of a mild shock. I've never experienced similar, but, I have felt the pressure from a friend who became too 'full-on' and told her so. The real reason I couldn't cope with it though was nothing to do with her - it was just that there was too much going on in my own life at the time, and any outside pressure made me feel 'claustrophobic'.

... so it might even not be a reflection on you, is what I'm suggesting!

A couple of posters have suggested that you 'phone them, to make sure they are OK. Unless they are a couple without family or other friends, I'd not recommend it - if the chats are making them feel claustrophobic, then a 'phone call will just add to the feeling of being pressurised.

In your position, I'd send a really brief message telling that you quite understand, and wish them well. One sentence, nothing more.

Then it's up to them to respond - or not.

It's also possible that the sickness tainted the whole experience.

A quick phone call as Grammaretto suggests is a good idea.

We went on holiday with some particular friends a few years back. It was our worst holiday, ever. The woman was controlling, domineering and quite rude. A different person to the one I knew and liked. We no longer see them.

If you are worried about them, I suggest you phone them. Texting isn't the same. Just a quick call to see if they are well.
Imagine they are languishing with illness or depression.
If they don't answer, then leave a short message to remind them you care.

Over some forty or more years we shared holidays with two sets of friends plus various children at different times and found it very successful as long as we split up different ways over the two weeks. Sadly I am the sole survivor but have such good memories of those times.

I wonder if they felt they were becoming a foursome rather than a couple, daily WhatsApps could be seen as intrusive. I am sure you didn’t do anything wrong but illness obviously made them upset with themselves and you. A Christmas card or birthday card if you have always sent them seems the way to go if you don’t just want to leave it.

I'd leave it. Maybe a Xmas card and even a postcard from some day out. Just to say hello.

Thanks for all your comments, as I said previously we have backed off and have had no contact in the last six weeks. We actually came back from the cruise over 11 weeks ago. It was a long cruise 5 weeks, Hubby and I had booked first when our friends decided to come with us. We definitely didn't spend much time together onboard as we all like to do different things, we mainly met up for meals and days ashore as they weren't confident to go ashore on their own. As I mentioned that we were all ill at the end of the trip, no idea what it was- some awful virus. I was actually the worst and ended up with pneumonia. Our friends helped us get home and we haven't seen anything of them since, and only had very basic contact for the first few weeks. We can't pinpoint anything that actually happened on the cruise that could have caused a problem, only that they seemed to become disappointed and grumpy but we put that down to being poorly.