Friends who "disappear" ;

We have had various holidays with various friends. One thing we always make sure of is that nobody thinks everyone always has to do the same thing at the same time.
Never fallen out .
I do think daily contact is a bit too much.

My husband and I had a two week holiday by ourselves in May, now that felt weird as we always go with friends or family 😂

However, whoever we go with, in a mixed group we don't spend all day every day together.

Some like playing golf, some like watching football, some like walking, some like watersports, some like sightseeing, some like shopping.

When we meet up for dinner there's always plenty to talk about.

Jampanda I think I'd let things lie for now, then suggest a meal out somewhere with your friends on neutral ground. Maybe a new restaurant you've been meaning to try?
I don't think in-depth analysis of *what's gone wrong " would be particularly helpful.

GN tech playing up again.

I have never been on holiday with a friend but I have friends who have and it has often had a bad ending one in particular has never ever spoken since Sometimes friends are best as just friends not ‘all in together’
You say a long cruise, what’s a long cruise a month maybe? maybe too long together, and afterwards they realised that didnt need this daily contact and have put a wedge in

Accept you are not the close,n close buddies you thought you were and move on

MayBee70

In my youth my ex and I used to drive round Europe every summer in a Morris 1000 Traveller. One year two friends came with us ( how we all fitted in with our camping gear is beyond me). I think we reached the point of wanting to throttle each other. Not helped by the fact that we were driving around in a car that, by modern standards, had no brakes. Not sure how the friendship survived, but it did.

This is our 69 year old. My partner still races it at SantaPod.

This is our 69 yr old MM. My partner still races it at SantaPod.

Such close contact daily!. Was there a bit more to this foursome and someone woke up to it??
Excuse my suspicious mind.

My feeling is to let things run their course, your friends know how to contact you if they wish to, if they havent in six weeks that speaks volumes. As I have got older
I just tend to think ‘whatever’ and backing off from being too intense, which I think I have been, (not suggesting you have) seems to have brought me more friends than ever before.

I have also decided its best to holiday with family, husband and sometimes adult children.

I had a close friend for 18 years. I was invited to holiday with friends for 1 month in Spain . I also invited my dear friend . All had our own rooms . From day one my friend disliked another friend and it got worse . She caused arguments and upsets . She became so different to the person I once knew . We all tolerated her to the best of our good nature's. I've not had contact for 7 years now . I did see her one day and she apologised for her behaviour . I forgave her and walked away .

Why not send them a new message saying "hello" since we last chatted we've been doing x y z.
Hope you have been enjoying a b c.

Thinking of you.
X

Just enough to say hello.
Not enough to need a reply?

In your position Jampanda I would have to ask them to explain what was wrong.
From daily contact for 8 years down to nothing, there must be something specific that happened whilst you were way.

I wouldn't want a daily chat on what's app personally.

Could you phone them and ask if they are OK? Perhaps say sorry if we have upset you , it wasn't our intention. Could they have just replied at an off moment and not meant to be hurtful?

They have already stated that they feel claustrophobic, they couldn’t be clearer, I think you just have to accept that the friendship is over.

Jampanda
You say that you all came down with a nasty germ after the cruise. Was this Covid as this is very rife on cruises? Is it possible that your friends had it rather badly and have not really felt up to communicating? Or maybe they are still very poorly. If I were you I wouldn’t want to lose such long standing friends so easily, so I would have one more attempt by sending a message to say something like: “We have been rather worried about you as we haven’t heard from you for so long, are you both OK healthwise? Otherwise we really hope that we haven’t inadvertently upset you in some way, if so we are truly sorry and would not want it to affect our friendship, which we have always highly valued. However, if you just feel that our friendship has run its course, we will understand, but we will always think of you with affection.”

Of course you will want to put this in your own words.
I hope it helps

We have often had holidays with friends when the children were young, 3 families together. We all had boys of various ages and always rented big houses with more than enough rooms and gardens. A bonus if they had a games room.
The ground rules were well discussed before hand, as was the ‘Kitty’ for food. The drinks shopping was sorted by the Dads.
After the children grew up we would sometimes go to the same places, but always had our own accommodation. All still friends.
We have some friends that are lovely, but I’d never go on holiday with them.

It is a risk, and quite common for good friends to fall out after a holiday. We have only ever been away with two couples and so far so good. Off to the West Country with them in a week, heres to sunshine

Far too much contact IMO. And after one tense holiday with friends many years ago I vowed never to do it again, and I haven’t……..too much of a liability.

Daily WhatsApps sound too much . I’d find it claustrophobic.
Was something said on your long holiday that your friends took offence ? And are now backing off. I’d leave them be for a while .

After being on holiday with them it would have been better to forgo daily chats for a while. You can get too much of a good thing.
I would just leave them to get in touch with you if they want to continue the friendship.

It does make me appreciate my DH if going away with others he actually is the only person I can holiday with ! We occasionally holiday with BiL and SiL but tgats all really . SiL brought her widowed DB last time and that wascreally a bit much . Like he's OK but not to go on a holiday with ! Probably it all got a bit much. For them .A shame really when theyve been good friends of yours for so long . But c'est la vie .

No worries, it's very interesting xx

Daily chat ? Too much. I’d feel claustrophobic ,too. Weekly maybe ?

MayBee70

We would drive up mountains in it and pass all the fancy cars that couldn’t cope! When we filled up in garages people would point to her incredulously saying ‘Baum’. After I’d learned to drive in her, when I was a passenger in another car my foot would be going for the brake wondering why the driver was leaving it so late. It was a sad day when she eventually failed an MOT and was beyond help. My ex had actually bought a welding kit to keep her going; he became so proficient at it that the garage offered him a job. She went on to provide spares for another Moggie. I still have her number plate.

My first car was a Morris 1000 when I was 17. It's the only car I ever made a profit on - bought for £25 and sold for £45! (It was 56 years ago...!)

Sorry to derail your thread Jampanda

A daily chat does have the potential to be claustrophobic. I would hate it. However, each to their own.

Could it be that the couple have been finding that level of contact too much for a while but have only just plucked up the courage to tell you, fearing that you would be upset?

I think that before totally abandoning a long-standing friendship, I would try to work out whether the friendship has genuinely run its course, or if it might be saved by simply not being in such close contact all the time.