All alone on my birthday

One year, my family didn’t book a holiday because it meant they would have been away for my birthday. (Both my daughters and their families holidayed together). Luckily, a friend told me and I was able to talk to them in time and persuade them to go. I told them I’d be like Queen Elizabeth and have an official birthday and an unofficial one. Which I did. I met a friend for a lunch on my actual birthday and when my family returned, they arranged the birthday tea and presents that I would have had if they had been here. They also arranged for flowers to be delivered on my birthday. I am lucky.
That said, I wouldn’t expect (or want) a fuss. They are keen to do something special for my 80th this month but I have talked them out of it and they have said they will do something but not go over the top. It won’t be a restaurant meal, because I am not keen on those, but will be something nice.
It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if they forgot, but I suppose I can say that knowing they wouldn’t!

Happy birthday when it comes around but You have a right to feel hurt. You have done so much and deserve to be pampered on your birthday by your family. Sorry but I think they are selfish to go on holiday on your birthday. Hugs.

Yes Caleo I have lovely friends and neighbours, but
UPDATE : my daughter just messaged me to say that she has cancelled her other plans for that day when she realised - it’s easier for her to cancel because she was only going with a couple of friends to West Wales. A daughter is a daughter 😍 she can be a pain sometimes but she has come up trumps - cheered me no end - she is taking me for lunch , somewhere nice - thanks to you all for listening x

It's a new situation for you. You are suffering loss of a family ritual which you. enjoyed very much.

You have clearly explained the reason for your loss. All your giving has not been enough to secure their loyalty to the birthday ritual .
You are to be congratulated on having friends and neighbours who will step into the breech.

I think your idea of asking the neighbour out for a pub lunch is perfect!
You can then celebrate your actual birthday with her.

The birthday celebrations can then continue when the family are all home and a day can be arranged for you all to be together.
Maybe with a birthday cake for this special day!

crazyH

Thankyou all for your kind replies - I might ask my neighbour who is also lives on her own, to join me for a pub lunch .

Great plan, looks like you’ve got it covered, but of course you would feel upset, anyone would. Families get so absorbed by their own lives that sometimes they miss the important details that are somehow relegated to the sidelines.
Perhaps you could suggest to them upon their return that you all meet up somewhere for a meal for a belated birthday bash.

crazyH

I’ve always liked my birthdays. That’s the only day of the year, when I get a bit of attention. The rest of the time, I am the one who gives, gives, gives……. my time, my money, my attention.
My bday is on 14th August. It’s not a big birthday, All
my 3 children and their families, live locally. I see them regularly. However, they have all planned holidays (separate) on the fortnight of my birthday, and I am feeling quite hurt. I know they have young children and August is the only month, during which they can get away.
I feel guilty for feeling like this. I am divorced and live on my own. I have lovely neighbours and I’m sure I could ask one of them to go out for lunch with me but it’s not the same as family.
Btw this is the first time, that I will be alone on my birthday - hence these hurt feelings. AIBU ?

No you’re def not unreasonable, it’s natural to feel hurt that none of the family have taken your birthday into consideration and the fact you will be on your own.
Time to reconsider all the time money and attention that you constantly give them in my view.
Sit back and bit and do things for yourself.Learn to say no.
Yes, do plan something with a friend or neighbour on the day.

I turned 80 last week and realised about three weeks earlier that if I didn't do something, I would be alone on my birthday. So I invited two couples I know well and cooked for them. They brought wine and flowers and we had a very convivial evening. I did miss the AC, but it would have been impossible for them to be with me on a weekday.

I also have an August birthday and it's always been holiday time so not much different.
I have booked a lovely hotel for 2 for afternoon tea and invited a lovely girlfriend who's excited to come.
I may organise some other treats. There's a Festival in Edinburgh which is always nice. ☺️

I have stopped relying on my children so I'm never disappointed.

I hope you find something nice to do crazyH .

I am divorced, retired, with adult offspring all with their own homes, children and careers to manage. Quite honestly I’m a grown-up and it really doesn’t bother me in the slightest whether I see any of the family on or near to my birthday. My siblings and I don’t exchange gifts or cards though my sister might text, or just put a message on Facebook. My son texted the following weekend, one daughter texted on the day and dropped a card and gift round a fortnight later when she needed me to look after her dog!

If I didn’t hear from either daughter I’d probably wonder why, but I wouldn’t mention it and I really wouldn’t be upset!

crazyH

Thankyou Norah - that cake looks yummy - I will enjoy it !

Remind us on the 14th and we'll share the cake and bring some 🥂🍾, soft drinks also provided!

Thankyou Norah - that cake looks yummy - I will enjoy it !

Oh Crazy I’m so sorry it’s worked out that they’ve all chosen the same fortnight. Being bang in the middle of the school holidays parents with children are likely to be away but it’s a pity it’s worked out this way.

I think a pub lunch with your neighbour is a lovely idea and you could book a later date for a family get-together. I think you’ve made a good decision.

Norah

Have Birthay cake every day all month!

Happy Birthday August crazyH !!!!

I could just eat a piece of that cake.

But it's not my birthday.

My birthday is not until September, but this will be the third year I will be on my own since my DH went into a care home. Last Christmas I was also on my own and never saw or spoke (apart from two texts) to anyone for 9 days!

Luckily we have never been big events people which is just as well, but it is still lonely and depressing.

My birthday falls just after New Year's Day; lots of people over the years have forgotten as they are still in holiday mode! I don't really mind, am used to it. My children do visit, but none of us feel like going out for a meal so soon after Christmas and New Year, so it's a big non-event. I keep saying I'll celebrate it in July instead, just haven't got around to it. 🙄

Have Birthay cake every day all month!

Happy Birthday August crazyH !!!!

I'm usually alone on my birthday. This year was an exception as it fell on a Friday. My elder daughter can finish work early if she has completed her hours and she came the 40 miles to visit me in the late afternoon.

I expect to be on my own Christmas Day as well, but that is not unusual.

Thankyou all for your kind replies - I might ask my neighbour who is also lives on her own, to join me for a pub lunch .

I have actually made a point of being away on my birthday, as I know my feelings would probably be hurt if I was alone, and I don’t think there would be a family meeting to plan something, so I go away while I’m able. I know we never did make a big deal of birthdays, and as there were only a couple of weeks between the Bodach’s birthday and mine, we usually went away , so I’ve continued to do so.

Yes, have an official birthday too so you can celebrate with family.

Do you have a friend or friends who'd like to go out to lunch with you on your birthday?

I know how you must feel it is hard they are all away. Try and arrange something nice with friends and a get together with family when they are back.

You're not unreasonable at all, crazy. Please take some of the good advice here and enjoy both of your birthdays- the August one and the other at a date of your choosing.
Mine was last week, so your situation is familiar to me.

I think it’s very natural to feel a bit sad if you’ve been looking forward to your birthday.

Like others have said give yourself an ‘official’ birthday. Set the date now and tell them all to put it in their diaries. Then you have a day to look forward to.

Then I’d probably take myself off to a spa for my birthday,to be thoroughly pampered🙂

Of course you're not being unreasonable crazy .