Husband moody the whole time.

If you were younger Id say "just get out before xmas" but you wouldn't do that now I feel.

If you realise this is what you're dealing with, then try social services for help.
Or woman's aid.
He probably takes viagra which is why he is keeping you like a rubber doll for an hour.
If you're really scared of him then just give him SEX for an hour but have your painkillers handy for the after pain!
After all its nearly Xmas and no one official is going to be involved unless it becomes more violent by which time it may be to late.
I don't feel bad telling you to give him what he wants to ensure your survival but once life goes back to normal make sure you separate , stay with your kids while you finalise your divorce. I will try not to think of you enduring rape over Xmas but its sad and he is clearly narcissistic and I don't want your situation to escalate so for survival take it.

IT IS ACTUALLY A SEXUAL ASSAULT.

Hold on a minute.. Your husband does NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP YOU PINNED DOWN FOR AN HOUR TO HAVE SEX.

NOT AT ALL. NOT IN THE UK . SO JUST TELL HIM " I AM A PERSON! I AM NOT HERE TO SERVICE YOUR SEXUAL NEED!

AND GET AWAY FROM HIM BEFORE HE DECIDED TO DO YOU IN.

No you aren’t being unreasonable at all. If you say no to him, that’s what it is. With respect, it seems as if you’ve pandered to his every mood for many years and whilst I understand why that might be, what about you? If you’d like to feel happier, I would ask him if he still loves you and if he does, how you can compromise. There is no right or wrong answer but you need to change things to enable you to have a better life. And that’s not selfish.

There is one word for this; rape

This sounds dreadful to me.

We only get one life and stop wasting it on him. If you don’t want sex then say no. All the better if he buggars off in a huff. Peace and quiet. But that isn’t it. You need to consider going it alone because you are still young. Enjoy life.

Hugs to you.

My daughter's know what he is like, personality wise, but they don't really want to know anymore than that!!! - but maybe they do need to know if they are grown adults. It is not as if they do not know what he is like - you would not be destroying any illusions of a perfect Dad.

Tell them how awful he really is. They would not want you to be enduring this. They are not chidlren - they are out in the bad wide world and know the score.

Stop protecting this man- you owe him nothing.

Take care of yourself Ginpin. 💐

Thank you so much everyone.
I do have 2 sisters, 3 daughters and my 95 yr old mum who I can talk to. My daughter's know what he is like, personality wise, but they don't really want to know anymore than that!!! One of my sisters understands what I am going through and my lovely old mum I speak to on the phone for an hour every morning ( husband still in bed and does not get up until 9 am even when we have the 3 under 6 grandchildren twice a week from 7 am so there is no danger of him overhearing or being resentful that I am chatting to my Mum for an hour). Like I say, no his needs always come first in his eyes.
To my younger self I would say live with someone before marrying them, although this may not have worked because it was after the birth of our first daughter that he changed ( 4 years into marriage) I was breast feeding her late one afternoon and he came home from school and said, " Oh, you are doing that again!"
A couple of you have made me laugh, a couple made me smile, you have all given me food for thought and I have felt the love, thank you.

I don’t think marriage guidance will help in this case. I think at seventy, & from what the op says, I think he’s too set in his ways.
I think best thing is for the op is to put him straight, that it’s up to him to find a solution, whether that’s finding a lover, or other means of satisfaction- sounds like the spark has died a death. Once that has gone it really hard to ignite again.
Either they rub along until the end of their days, or separate.

The crux of the matter is that there is no relationship here. No man who cared about his partner would continue with sex that he knew was painful for her.

In a normal relationship there is communication, loving avts that do not involve sex.

I am sorry you are in this empty marriage OP - time to say NO.

An hour of sex......? I would ask for a tea break.
Seriously though- this does not seem okay- after 47 years of marriage, what has changed....is it him or you? You need someone trustworthy to talk this through with. Take care xx

welbeck

OP I think you should post this on MN.
I guarantee it will generate much traffic.
All the best.

welbeck, the OP will be advised to LTB, they are uncompromising over there, ruthless even, take
no prisoners ha ha
OP welbeck offers this as good advice as usual

Sex in marriage is meant to be a mutual consensual pleasure.

In your case you are being coerced into undertaking the sexual act with a man you are legally married to. Rape in marriage is as much a crime as rape outside marriage.

It is time to tell your husband that he has had it all his way for, only you know how many years. Now it is your turn and you will make decisions about when and if love making takes place.

Should he complain draw his attention to the law on rape in marriage.

Both partners are equal in a marriage. Why have you allowed your DH to bully you for so long and be so selfish?

OP I think you should post this on MN.
I guarantee it will generate much traffic.
All the best.

Sorry but this sounds awful.Before he will 'let you go ' shows no tenderness or consideration for your feelings.DH and I rarely have sex now as he has severe arthritis and much as he loves me it's too painful. Luckily my libido has plummeted too but we are close and very affectionate in other ways.And if it was me that found sex difficult I would hate to think DH would punish me by sulking.

Sex !
Seems to be a dilemna for so many people in long - term marriages .
One of my friends hasn't been touched by her husband for a decade .
As a result she loathes him and walks out of a room when he speaks .
I think that she is a terrible nag -some neighbours call her The Fish wife and never happy about anything that he does and he is depressed and drinks too much .
And I have another friend ,.
who moved into the spare bedroom about eight years ago spending her days with a much younger man and was surprised when her husband moved out .

You have a husband , who demands sex ,but it's mechanical as he doesn't kiss you .It's not making love it's purely for his self gratification.
And he's not deterred by the fact that you are in pain and sex is uncomfortable for you .
Does he take Viagra ?
Does he watch pornography ?
The thing is -would you be happy if he went elsewhere to satisfy his need ?

There is only one resolution to this and it's marriage guidance counselling.

“ before he will let me go “

And if he won’t even agree to this then my first suggestion might be the best way.

Your body = your choice.
Marriage does not mean sex on tap.
As a PP said .. he has his own solution at hand.
As for his moodiness.. this is a punishment because you don't do what he wants.. that is abuse.
What you want to do about THAT is your choice..
You don't have to perform...

He sounds very selfish, and immature, and if he has always been like this now might be the time to think if life would be more tolerable without him.
But if this hasn’t always been the case you might want to try something called active listening with each other. Is not psycho babble, I don’t go in for that kind of thing.
It just involves both of you sitting down in a relaxed manner, put away the daggers that could be drawn, and use an object, any object, but one you both can hold easily. When one of you is holding that object you are allowed to speak for 10 mins - probs about right but for you to decide - without interruption from the other person, so you can say exactly how you feel, then he can say how he feels. And no throwing the object 🤨

Tranquillisers? How about a beef and mushroom Wellington?
I divorced my husband because he was moody and sulky and believed that, if he was miserable, everybody else should be too.
He had much the same attitude to sex as your husband but I didn’t have your disabilities. Get rid of him and enjoy the rest of your life.

ExDancer

I'd be crushing up some tranquilisers and adding them to his stew.

☺️

I'd be crushing up some tranquilisers and adding them to his stew.