Husband moody the whole time.

Well, I beg your pardon but he CAN help himself ... he simply chooses not to.

Oh Ginpin, that does not sound like a happy marriage to me. You have my sympathy. Sadly, I expect that he is unlikely to change now.
I am glad, reading such posts, to be living alone.

Sorry OP he sounds like a nightmare. Treading on eggshells round someone would drain me of the will to live.
And he CAN control himself, he just chooses not to. As for an hour of sex, that’s insane and best left to those in the heady throes of young love/lust.
Have you thought of leaving him? Seriously, what are you getting out of it?

Completely unacceptable, my sympathies. However you need to actually think about what you have written here and how you would advise your sister, mother, daughter, friend in these circumstances.

An hour of sex at his age would suggest he's possibly taking a Viagra type thing,my husband used them for a while till I said no more.Men never seem to understand that women aren't always ready , especially as we get older,let him sulk ,however there is also the thought that they think they're less of a man if they don't keep you happy..talk to him,put your side across

Reading your post makes me so glad I left my first husband. He was exactly the same , our lives revolved around his desire for sex. Sadly I don't think your husband will change , my ex husband, ( now 64 ) has gone through another wife and several partners since we split. According to our daughter , he's still the same now !! . You may need to leave him for your own health and well being

Obviously you don’t enjoy it at all. He’s not very good at it, is he?

Probably a bit late to tell him to make changes though.

Would you object if he went elsewhere for sex or would you be ok if it improved his mood either way you?

Once every two weeks isn’t going to satisfy a man who still has a powerful drive but forcing you to have sex against your will - well there’s a word for that.

If sex is giving you joint and limb pain then you have right to say no or find some other way to do it. Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative or involve the man pounding away or any kind of gymnastics.

I was about to say the same as Lathyrus. Would it bother you if he went elsewhere to satisfy his needs? If the answer is no, then point Percy in the direction of Tinder or similar. Plenty of women there are looking for casual hookups.

He sounds rather selfish to me. Can’t he he just be satisfied with a ‘J Arthur’?
I couldn’t bare to be with someone like him.

I'd be crushing up some tranquilisers and adding them to his stew.

ExDancer

I'd be crushing up some tranquilisers and adding them to his stew.

☺️

Tranquillisers? How about a beef and mushroom Wellington?
I divorced my husband because he was moody and sulky and believed that, if he was miserable, everybody else should be too.
He had much the same attitude to sex as your husband but I didn’t have your disabilities. Get rid of him and enjoy the rest of your life.

He sounds very selfish, and immature, and if he has always been like this now might be the time to think if life would be more tolerable without him.
But if this hasn’t always been the case you might want to try something called active listening with each other. Is not psycho babble, I don’t go in for that kind of thing.
It just involves both of you sitting down in a relaxed manner, put away the daggers that could be drawn, and use an object, any object, but one you both can hold easily. When one of you is holding that object you are allowed to speak for 10 mins - probs about right but for you to decide - without interruption from the other person, so you can say exactly how you feel, then he can say how he feels. And no throwing the object 🤨

Your body = your choice.
Marriage does not mean sex on tap.
As a PP said .. he has his own solution at hand.
As for his moodiness.. this is a punishment because you don't do what he wants.. that is abuse.
What you want to do about THAT is your choice..
You don't have to perform...

And if he won’t even agree to this then my first suggestion might be the best way.

“ before he will let me go “

Sex !
Seems to be a dilemna for so many people in long - term marriages .
One of my friends hasn't been touched by her husband for a decade .
As a result she loathes him and walks out of a room when he speaks .
I think that she is a terrible nag -some neighbours call her The Fish wife and never happy about anything that he does and he is depressed and drinks too much .
And I have another friend ,.
who moved into the spare bedroom about eight years ago spending her days with a much younger man and was surprised when her husband moved out .

You have a husband , who demands sex ,but it's mechanical as he doesn't kiss you .It's not making love it's purely for his self gratification.
And he's not deterred by the fact that you are in pain and sex is uncomfortable for you .
Does he take Viagra ?
Does he watch pornography ?
The thing is -would you be happy if he went elsewhere to satisfy his need ?

There is only one resolution to this and it's marriage guidance counselling.

Sorry but this sounds awful.Before he will 'let you go ' shows no tenderness or consideration for your feelings.DH and I rarely have sex now as he has severe arthritis and much as he loves me it's too painful. Luckily my libido has plummeted too but we are close and very affectionate in other ways.And if it was me that found sex difficult I would hate to think DH would punish me by sulking.

OP I think you should post this on MN.
I guarantee it will generate much traffic.
All the best.

Sex in marriage is meant to be a mutual consensual pleasure.

In your case you are being coerced into undertaking the sexual act with a man you are legally married to. Rape in marriage is as much a crime as rape outside marriage.

It is time to tell your husband that he has had it all his way for, only you know how many years. Now it is your turn and you will make decisions about when and if love making takes place.

Should he complain draw his attention to the law on rape in marriage.

Both partners are equal in a marriage. Why have you allowed your DH to bully you for so long and be so selfish?

welbeck

OP I think you should post this on MN.
I guarantee it will generate much traffic.
All the best.

welbeck, the OP will be advised to LTB, they are uncompromising over there, ruthless even, take
no prisoners ha ha
OP welbeck offers this as good advice as usual

An hour of sex......? I would ask for a tea break.
Seriously though- this does not seem okay- after 47 years of marriage, what has changed....is it him or you? You need someone trustworthy to talk this through with. Take care xx

The crux of the matter is that there is no relationship here. No man who cared about his partner would continue with sex that he knew was painful for her.

In a normal relationship there is communication, loving avts that do not involve sex.

I am sorry you are in this empty marriage OP - time to say NO.

I don’t think marriage guidance will help in this case. I think at seventy, & from what the op says, I think he’s too set in his ways.
I think best thing is for the op is to put him straight, that it’s up to him to find a solution, whether that’s finding a lover, or other means of satisfaction- sounds like the spark has died a death. Once that has gone it really hard to ignite again.
Either they rub along until the end of their days, or separate.