Put out that light!

Is money the problem? If it is, maybe a proper discussion of income and outgoings is overdue. Maybe there are other areas where economies could be made, particularly as this particular issue is a pretty minor cost.
Or is it a control thing?
Or just that he needs something to be grumpy about?
I don’t think you should just give in for the sake of peace and quiet.

Freshair

Amazon do battery operated tea lights on a timer. You can tell him you will pay for the batteries and to keep his hands off your stuff! If you dont take men down a peg or two by going mental at them, they will always walk all over you.

I like the sound of that suggestion. There are indeed battery-operated lights (reminder to self - I bought two of them and really must get them set up!). They look like normal sidelights to me - there is a reasonable choice of them on there.

What I'm wondering though is whether this is really about what it seems, on the surface, to be about. I'm wondering if it's really a "control" thing - of he wants to see himself as "in charge/more important" than you.

I'd sort the light situation out for sure - he is being very unreasonable for sure. It's such a teeny-tiny thing for him to be trying to act The Bossman about - at such a little cost per year - that I wonder if the real issue might be he is trying to find some excuse to play the "I AM the one in charge here". Of course he isn't - both of you are obviously equal and he doesnt get to say whats what just because he is the man in the couple - and it's very outdated of him if he tries to act that way.

So - do think in advance of what else he might make an excuse of once you've solved the lights issue - in case he finds another way to try and pull the "I'm IT....I'm in charge here....as I'm the man in this household" stunt.

In a very very different context (ie a previous employer of mine) I found it extremely useful to mentally put myself in their position and I'd realise then what they were going to get up to next. It was a very very useful way to look at things and an outsider they involved said "You're two steps ahead of them" once I started thinking like that.

Once you've solved this issue - he might start fuss-arsing about something equally petty....like "Are you sure you want to buy the premium teabags? As the cheaper ones are perfectly okay".

I don’t see that it is anything to do with anyone else whether someone else likes lots of light or pitch blackness, it is not an affliction or a sin either way.
Trying to control another adult that you have shared most of your life with and who you supposedly care about is though.

As for the OPs husband objecting to her having a light on so she feels safer, well…… he sounds to me like a bit of a plonker anyway; either that or he is suffering from some sort of mental decline because generally people don’t suddenly start objecting to reasonable things, they have behaved like this for a long long time and this is just the thin end of the wedge.

Give in or capitulate to his nonesense and the next thing he’ll be monitoring how many times you boil the kettle or flush the loo because in his opinion it is not necessary and it is costing money.

Nip it right in the bud before it becomes a massive invasive weed strangling all the joy out of your life. Tell him straight.😠

I only have the light on in the room I am in, switching off as I go. If the kitchen light is on it is enough to brighten the living room and vice versa and rarely need both on at same time in the evening. I don't even have my bedroom light on often as I get enough light from my iPad, which I read a book on before I go to sleep.
I tend to go through the house, for bathroom (downstairs) etc, in the dark at night but my OH has poorer sight so lights go on/off as he goes.
I think it's down to how I was raised, we were always told if you don't need a light on flick the switch.
I am amazed at how many houses are all lit up all through the night now, when I look out the window some of them make their surroundings look nearly like daylight. Every room and outside lights on. Never used to see that. I would worry about who could be freely moving around outside!

But for what it costs to have a bulb lit up I do think your hubby is being unreasonable, especially as it makes you feel safer.

GrannyGravy13

I am frightened of the dark (I know it’s silly) I like outside lights and hall stairs and landing lights on as soon as it becomes dusk.

I couldn’t live with someone constantly overriding my wishes/needs.

I hope you can come to a compromise with him.

I’m the same as you GrannyGravy13. Although I’m not afraid of the dark I don’t like it.
I also switch all my lights on when it becomes dark especially when my DD sleeps over at her BFs.
I sleep with a small nightlight on so that my room isn’t pitch black.

I leave the landing light on as well when she isn’t home.

I think lights being on deters would be burglars and it makes me feel more secure.

I have a small dog, a chihuahua that makes a lot of noise but I don’t know if he’d make much of a difference if someone was bent on an evil intent and I have cameras that I can see if anyone is about where and when they shouldn’t be but having light makes a lot of difference.

I do hope you can get through to your DH that it makes sense to have a light on OP and that in most cases it is usually a deterrent.

My mother-in-law was very careful with money and had only one light on in the evening. She would go into the kitchen in the dark, using just the light from the adjacent sitting room. My husband managed to convince her that she risked hurting herself or tripping and falling, and who would know? We lived 120 miles away. She finally agreed, as she knew he cared about her safety.

One thing puzzles me. If you have a light on a timer whilst you are away, surely it will attract attention because the curtains won’t be closed ( unless you have them on a timer too). I wouldn’t like the idea of people being able to see into the empty house with its light on.

Very unreasonable I think! It's a low energy light bulb on a timer! I have them too and they're great. Surely you have a say in the house too???!

BridgetPark I am heartened by your post - and reminded of the phrase 'Would you rather be right or happy?" It is too easy to pick being right and remaining in painful conflict. This is not about being a doormat - sometimes we need to speak up, but sometimes a smile or a friendly conversation about whatever is the bone of contention, and above all listening deeply as well as speaking what you feel with love, will free us from being stuck in painful deadlock..

You could always walk around the house with Davy helmets .
Or next time he says put out that light say shut that door .
That will be irritating and perhaps he'll stop .

Applegran, I am with you on this. I am coming round to this way of thinking, because of ongoing strain between my husband and myself. I feel it is more important to not waste our last few years on this earth sniping at each other for such petty reasons. We need to look at the much bigger picture, and find pleasure and joy, however hard it may be to get to, because it is surely better to live in harmony. Sometimes that happens because of all the efforts from me, not him, but I am resigned to this being how things are, and I do not dwell on the reasoning and the balance of who wins and who capitulates. I crave peace and harmony the older I get.

I've turned into my father in law - cf it 'being a man thing' - in my old age.... We have inherited a multi light arrangement in every room of our tiny cottage. It has a double height ceiling in the living room which sports 6 large suspended bulbs. Even the tiny kitchen has two ceiling lights.... DH wanders from room to room switching them all on.....That can mean 8 bulbs as the kitchen and living room are open plan though the kitchen does have a normal height ceiling. Telling him our electricity bill is about £250 a month makes no difference. He's been a tremendous support to me for over half a century so I just let it go ..... Life's too short. Having said that I do believe you can install motion sensor lights in your garden to spot light any would be persons of evil intent...but you may have to hide the switch. .

Georgesgran

Leave it on!
I’ve outdoor dusk to dawn lights which cost next to nothing to run and give me a bit of security in my dark corner.

We have a dawn to dusk light too, and one of our neighbours is convinced that we are wasting huge amounts of power. But it gives me the security of knowing that I can see to get the door unlocked if I get home in the dark, and anybody attempting to break in would be fully illuminated!

Sorry about the mistakes, I should have used preview. 'Some of you need to start making a note of this behaviour and make sure you don't put up with this, just to have a quiet life. It only gets worse'.

Also your husband is a bully. His behaviour will only deteriorate if you let him go on with it. These women who are saying the same thing, beware! Also, I've noticed with friends, Alzheimer's often starts this way, with violent behaviour following when they consistently get their way. I've always wondered at women treated as third rate citizens in there own homes. Some of you need to start making a note of this behaviour and make sure your dune or to with thus, just to have a quiet life. It only gets worse.

My neighbour had a burglary recently. Everything was gone through and stuff thrown out of drawers and jewellery taken. That were advised by the police to have a light on!!

Cost of having a 3w LED on for 10 hours a day is £2.74 a year.

I suggest you get him to read the link below which gives the figures in a clear and easily understood way.

You could, of course offer to pay him £2.50 a year for the light to be left on, with you paying the cost.

www.checkatrade.com/blog/cost-guides/how-much-do-led-lights-cost-to-run/

My dad used to say its like Blackpool illuminations in here, now my son is saying the same to his children,...funny

My late husband would complain about lights, but have no end of electrical things going in the shed. I wondered why our electric was so high, then found he had a compressor which switched on and off at intervals all day when he was at work. 😡

Smudgie

My husband does this too. Always has, it drives me mad. I leave a room for a few seconds to get something and I walk back into blackness as he has come behind me and turned it off " as I am not in the room and wasting electricity". I call him the Electricity Police and tell him where to go but I love the Air Raid Warden idea, I'm going to start using that instead, also thank you to the poster who worked out how much the annual cost was, I read it out to him!!

I've got one of those too!
OK, sometimes I forget to turn out a light and don't mind being reminded but I hate having to walk from the kitchen (shutting the door so the cats don't get in there) and stumble across the dark dining room to put on the light switch at the far side, then come back to pick up whatever I need to carry in there!
And just because the top up app happens to be on his phone (because my frugal second hand one loses battery power too quickly if I put too many apps on it) it's "But I'm the one paying for it"!

Amazon do battery operated tea lights on a timer. You can tell him you will pay for the batteries and to keep his hands off your stuff! If you dont take men down a peg or two by going mental at them, they will always walk all over you.

Thanks everyone for your further responses.
I will mull over your advice and try to have a further conversation with my husband when the time is right. Hopefully he will see the light! (Ahem. I'll get my coat.)

jocork

I've just started leaving lights on when I go out in the evenings as I'm coming home after dark now the nights are drawing in. I'm obsessive about saving electricity, but still want to have some light on when I get back.

As for security, burglars do look for patterns and break in when they think no-one's home. I had an attempted burglary here, despite having lights on and I was in the house. But the significant thing was that my car was not there. It had failed its MOT for the final time and I was about to get another one. I don't know who got the biggest shock when I heard a noise and went to investigate and walked into the kitchen where there are no curtains. All I could see was my own reflection in the french doors and the white handle moving up and down. The burglars disappeared pdq leaving behind the tools they were using to try to force the door, which were found by the police next morning!

I usually leave the kitchen light on and sometimes my outside light at the front. If I go away I have a desk lamp plugged into a timer in the kitchen which switches on early evening then off and on a couple of times again later. The timer was given to me by the police after my attempted burglary and they advised me to use it in that way. They also gave me vibration alarms to stick on the french doors which are labelled as such. They probably no longer work as the batteries are now quite old but the labels are probably a deterrent. I also upgraded my burglar alarm after the scare and always set it when I'm out. It notifies me of any activity via an app on my phone. We do need to be more security concious these days unfortunately and I feel it especially as I live alone.

Tell him the police recommend lights on timers! You are not being unreasonable.

I am sorry that you had to go through an attempted burglary Jocork. That must have been very unsettling when you were on your own.
It was useful to read about the steps that you have taken to make your house more secure and very helpful to hear that the police recommended lights on timers.
Thanks for your reply and I hope that your security measures have increased your feeling of security in your home

As you say nothing about your financial situation, I think it is grossly unfair that everyone seems to find your husband unreasonable.

I do not live in the UK, but judging by all the gransnetters who have said they are finding it hard to pay utililty bills since the inflation caused by the war in the Ukraine, I support your husband.

I have saved a whopping amount since our electricity prices rose so steeply by only having one light on at a time. I cannot afford to have lights on in rooms I am not in any longer. Can you?

I've just started leaving lights on when I go out in the evenings as I'm coming home after dark now the nights are drawing in. I'm obsessive about saving electricity, but still want to have some light on when I get back.

As for security, burglars do look for patterns and break in when they think no-one's home. I had an attempted burglary here, despite having lights on and I was in the house. But the significant thing was that my car was not there. It had failed its MOT for the final time and I was about to get another one. I don't know who got the biggest shock when I heard a noise and went to investigate and walked into the kitchen where there are no curtains. All I could see was my own reflection in the french doors and the white handle moving up and down. The burglars disappeared pdq leaving behind the tools they were using to try to force the door, which were found by the police next morning!

I usually leave the kitchen light on and sometimes my outside light at the front. If I go away I have a desk lamp plugged into a timer in the kitchen which switches on early evening then off and on a couple of times again later. The timer was given to me by the police after my attempted burglary and they advised me to use it in that way. They also gave me vibration alarms to stick on the french doors which are labelled as such. They probably no longer work as the batteries are now quite old but the labels are probably a deterrent. I also upgraded my burglar alarm after the scare and always set it when I'm out. It notifies me of any activity via an app on my phone. We do need to be more security concious these days unfortunately and I feel it especially as I live alone.

Tell him the police recommend lights on timers! You are not being unreasonable.

Granmarderby10

Crikey!! What decade was he born in?
Just tell him the light’s for you and that you matter. And to stop behaving like some throwback Dad.

This!

If he persists, get an electrician in to hardwire it so he cannot switch it off, or perhaps fit a fake switch that he can switch off to his heart's content without any effect