Relative who is always too busy!

You cannot miss what you never had. I would be unable to ask her to dinner on her annual visit, due to family commitments.

Well it's a bit vindictive ,but you could let the special occasion pass without inviting her .
And then when she contacts you -you could say oh I was too busy to include you .
I have a couple of friends who are similar.
One of them contacted me today,because she wants my expertise on something.
She never contacts me otherwise.
She's always busy .
She might get the message .

I think someone is too busy to write a card to you on your birthday is not worth bothering with.

I’ve just come out of hospital and still feeling rather poorly and I had a message from my son it read

I said to wife’s name the other day I will try to get over to see you more
I am trying to retire but it’s not going well
I am busier than ever
Will call later

He lives 50 miles away not exactly Australia, I have no idea why retiring is involved or too busy, and he still hasn’t called. One of these days it might be too late I wonder if he will be too busy then.

Celianne86 some AC are thoughtless even when quite old themselves.
It’s one thing for teenagers to be thoughtless, you expect it, but not once grown up.
Treat yourself to a few nice things and get well soon.😃

AGAA4

I think someone is too busy to write a card to you on your birthday is not worth bothering with.

I agree.It’s one thing to forget, we can all do that at times with birthdays but not to say ‘too busy’.
But as you’ve know her for years, she won’t change now.

I once read that some people in your life are radiators and some are drains. Your relative is a drain. I wouldn't invite her for dinner any more, you hardly ever have contact with her anyway.

All sorts of people have all sorts of patterns.
Which they refuse to change for just about anything at all. In my experience.

Up to you whether you play her pattern or not.

I have a neighbour who is always too busy to do anything for me, but if he needs anything, yesterday would be ideal.

Life's too short to bother with people like that.

I would never see this as a problem. If a relative expects to be invited to dinner at my home or at a restaurant, on their once a year visit, I simply would not have a dinner anywhere to invite them to. It would involve me having to do something and I wouldn't do it. If they contacted me to say where/when is it, I would say I haven't arranged anything as I'm so busy with personal stuff. It's not a lie as I can always be busy with personal stuff. Any further questions are just stopped as I don't want to discuss it, all of which is true. The person you describe does not contact you any other time so that should solve it.

It is not vinductive to not bother with somene who has made it clear all her life, that you are not worth anything. Just stop.

Thank you all for your great replies. I put it down to the fact that people choose what is their priority and sometimes it is better not to bother at all i.e. for her not to send me a birthday message, than it is to send a second hand one. Also, a Happy Birthday text alone would have sufficed and I would not have felt second hand. They always say people remember you for how you made them feel. At 70, I just can't be bothered anymore ..........so sorry, relative, you will have to go for your own meal next time you are in town!

I have a friend of over 50 years who been has like that for a few years now, once she was a very good friend but no longer.
It started when my H was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
We we no longer always available for socialising.
I realised just how shallow the friendship had been.
Now, if she texts or rings, usually after an approach from me as to her health, she always says they are so busy their feet hardly have time to touch the floor.
I just say oh how nice for you and leave it.
It hurt very much at first but no longer as I know other old friends are treated the same and new richer friends are popular.
To your relative I would just let it go.
You certainly don’t need her or will miss her.

It hurt very much at first but no longer as I know other old friends are treated the same

That is the criteria I used with the kids when they were at school.
Is that person/teacher rude to everyoine, or just to you?
If everyone, then it is not personal at all.
If just to you, then you need to think about what the problem is.

If she has time to text, then she has time to write those words in a card, and on one of her very busy outings she must pass a post box. I wouldn't drop her - if she dies before you that might be a time for regret, and apart from being so 'busy busy busy', is she upsetting you in any other way, or is she generally good company when you do see her? I would hesitate to do something so final with a person who is behaving just as she always has been, seemingly.

She's not worth the bother if she doesn't send a card for your birthday.

Celieanne86

I’ve just come out of hospital and still feeling rather poorly and I had a message from my son it read

I said to wife’s name the other day I will try to get over to see you more
I am trying to retire but it’s not going well
I am busier than ever
Will call later

He lives 50 miles away not exactly Australia, I have no idea why retiring is involved or too busy, and he still hasn’t called. One of these days it might be too late I wonder if he will be too busy then.

Reminds me of that advert where the family turned up for a funeral but the man was fine and had Christmas all laid our!

Lots of people, me included, often write a WhatsApp message for a birthday rather than write a card. Only immediate family get cards. If you can't be bothered meeting up once a year they're probably better off without having to bother with you.

Understand. We all go through it unless we make all the effort to go to them.
I’ve been very poorly too. Cancer and other things that put me in hospital
So I don’t bother now!

Agree. That’s what I’m doing. Bought perfume this week. Online. Hope I like it! 😂

WelshPoppy

Lots of people, me included, often write a WhatsApp message for a birthday rather than write a card. Only immediate family get cards. If you can't be bothered meeting up once a year they're probably better off without having to bother with you.

And where in my original post do I say I have a problem with her sending a text? Nowhere! Do please read the post properly if you are going to make a dismissive, hostile comment. Do I care whether she will be better off without having to bother with me? Not in the slightest. In fact I just want her to leave me alone. Hence....not bovered!

My dear child is obviously too busy to write Mum on my birthday card envelope, just puts the three initials of my name. The same amount of letters that spell Mum! Been like this for years🤷‍♀️

People choose their priorities and you can choose not to prioritise the people who treat you as an occasional option in their busy busy lives.
I notice some retired or older people just get more and more self-absorbed. It's always about them, their needs, their agenda. It's disappointing especially if they used to be more considerate of your needs and there was more give and take. You say she has always been like this. I would trust your instinct to not bother with the invitations any more.