Defensive to the point of rude relative

If she is always like that then there is absolutely nothing you can do to resolve the situation, because she will not change.

In whch case, when she sends you all these communications, don't deal with the problems in detail just fob her off, or give aa vague or very general reply but do not work yourself up about aswering every query drawing her attention to specifics, she probably doesn't read them anyway.

Why are you bothering, just book. Go with the majority or leave it to someone else.

mimi377

Sometimes people like that are just anxious about losing control. A direct call might clear the air better than endless WhatsApp back-and-forth.

mimi377

Thank you for your input . You are right in what you have suggested & I actually came up with the exact same conclusion .

Acting on this assumption things are much better & will hopefully continue in the same way .🙏

You are giving this too much head space.
Also you do sound very defensive detailing and justifying all the work you are doing.
Just step back a bit.
Either do what Doodledog suggests with meetings.
Or ignore awkward person.
Do you really want to encourage her to join you?
Why?
If she says basic accomm is good enough for her just reply you are free to make your own arrangements. The rest of clan Tuesday will be staying at the excelsior.
End of conversation.

Phone her and ask her……..and I don’t actually think she will be an ideal travel companion

Sounds like my sister in law who said she didn't want to be involved in organising a funeral - then objected to all of the arrangements - which resulted in most of them being changed. Then she didn't go to the funeral

There is somebody like this on the discussion website I go to . This person asks interminable questions and accuses others of not answering properly.
I thinks it is mild paranoia. Person needs reassuring. Maybe your acquaintance needs reassurance of his or her worth.

She sounds toxic; can you leave her behind?

When one person organises everything for a group there are usually problems. In my family we have someone who likes to organise things. She likes to decide when and where things are happening (so they are convenient for her), the type of event, eg a party/dinner/whatever and so on, and to be toasted for her generous input.

All of that is fine, and it's fair to say that she does put the work in, but it can be galling to be told 'this is happening on X date at X time' rather than 'what are we going to do about a big birthday or other celebration?' and invited to join in with the decisions, rather than be treated as just another guest at a 'do' for a shared relative, who may or may not be able to attend at the time and place she has chosen. There is no room for input from others, as we are presented with a fait accompli, and just have to go with it.

Also, there is a 100% chance that as the day gets nearer she will delegate big tasks, with no consideration for how convenient or otherwise they might be - 'I thought you might like to organise the food', 'Can you pick up 3 elderly relatives (who live miles apart from one another in different directions) and get them to the venue?' or 'I suggested that X stay at your house the night before as that would be easier.' It's maddening. Often the 'requests' are prefaced with 'As I have done all the arranging. . .' when she took it upon herself in the first place.

It would be much easier all round (and possibly for your group too) if there were a meeting, either in person or over something like Zoom, where everyone gets a say in what happens from the start, and tasks are divided equally (or according to who has more time) and above board. That way there could be real input, nobody feels resentful and overlooked, and everyone can opt into or out of suggestions before they become demands. Also, when everyone has an input and there is a broader range of suggestions the odds are greater that the end result will please everyone.

I think you are damned if you do and damned if you don't! Is it their personality normally? If so, how do you usually deal with them? Is it anxiety about the trip, lack of control etc? I feel you should ignore where possible ie any passive aggressive comments and if they come out with a critical comment, ask what they would do.
Good luck

Lathyrus3

I think you meet people like this n every walk of life - or I seem to anyway! They want a finger in every pie but without taking on any work or responsibility. 😡

And they can and frequent do ruin things.

Is there anyone in the family that they will “take” things from, who can speak to them frankly about the difficulties they are causing. Ask that because I know my sister could tell my father bluntly about difficulties he was making and he would take it on board coming from her.

I don’t think it should be you though.

Definitely not me , I agree on that .
One of the other people have already taken this one board .

I have to speak 🗣️ though not just Whattsapp & I aim to do so soon as it’s far from ideal .

I have previously suggested “ we can all look at accommodation “

And when we did actually’ speak rather than message ‘ about this I pointed out that it would be a certain amount each for a really nice place to stay .

The response I got was “ well we just need somewhere to sleep , we’ll be out all day “
I responded with “ It doesn’t have to be expensive & there are lovely places about with reasonable prices’

Personally, myself & others are on the same page with this .
What’s the thoughts of the negative one?

Who knows as apart from that one conversation , they haven’t spoken about it only interjected on the topic when reading the not relevant information.!

This was early on & still no other input on this front !!

There are people like this in every group or family. It can be very frustrating, but you sound very defensive yourself about all the work you are doing- maybe you should hand the decision making over to this person?

It sounds like a lot of hard work.

Recently my family all went away together to another family event in Europe. For the sake of peace we all made our own travel arrangements and booked our own accommodation making things much more sociable and pleasant when we did all meet up. All the pressure had gone.

We have one sibling who organises family meals out etc as she is a complete control freak, but we all go along with it although she moans constantly about having to do it she really wouldn't want it any other way.

I think you should try to relax, make the decisions, and enjoy the holiday!

Luckygirl3

Is this lady going to be a joyous companion on this trip?!

Exactly our thoughts , though the general consensus is that once away it will be fine 🙏

I think you meet people like this n every walk of life - or I seem to anyway! They want a finger in every pie but without taking on any work or responsibility. 😡

And they can and frequent do ruin things.

Is there anyone in the family that they will “take” things from, who can speak to them frankly about the difficulties they are causing. Ask that because I know my sister could tell my father bluntly about difficulties he was making and he would take it on board coming from her.

I don’t think it should be you though.

Is this lady going to be a joyous companion on this trip?!

Good suggestion eazybee. WhatsApp groups can be great but they can also feed poor communication

eazybee

Ask her.

Agree.

Ask her.