Book Club Leader

foxie48

I'm in a lovely book club. We meet in a pub, have a meal, talk about all sorts of things and exchange books from our collection. We are all avid readers, we don't need to discuss books in any depth but I do get to read novels that I probably wouldn't have picked up in a book shop and no one gets put down for expressing an opinion.

Sounds like you’re in my Book Club!

I love our book club at the library. It does make me read books I wouldn't choose and we all have a valid opinion. They often differ but no-one judges. I can't imagine anyone being unpleasant.

Childish! I would find another group if you must. Cannot think of anything more awful. Why is there a leader in a book group anyway could it not rotate?

At my book group, we meet at the pub and tell each other what we've been reading, what we thought about the book and why. Lots of us get our books from charity shops etc and we offer them to each other to pass on.
This time, I have bought a new paperback but would lend it.

I was in a Book Club for 2 weeks ... then the Leader said to me " Please dont say the ending as not everyone had read the book ? DOH .... FFS

If she does this again, stop and ask her what is wrong.

If she says she finds your opinion ridiculous or wrong, say that is her prerogative, but good manners precludes pulling faces while you are speaking.

I'm in a lovely book group. We take it in turns to choose a book- so lots of variety. The person who chose the book, introduces it, says why they chose it and we then respond with individual views. We meet for 2 hours or so once a month at each time agree the date together for the next meeting. We discuss the book on average 30 minutes to 45 minutes and the rest of the time is spent sharing our news. lives/ being friendly. We have a Christmas lunch each year together and celebrate our friendship.

None has ever been disrespectful, but as that has happened in your group you have various options:

1) purposely not have eye contact with that person whilst you are speaking. Sit next to her, or near her so when you speak you are dspeakingaway from her direction. She is responsible for her behaviour and others no doubt clock it. But if it has no impact on you, her disrespectful efforts are rendered null and void.
2) When she does it- ask her- along lines of- "I notice you're rolling your eyes ( what ever it is you have noticed her doing)- would you like also to share your thoughts with the group or shall I finish first and then you come in? Gives message you've clocked her, will not be put off by her, and will give your feedback to the group regardless, but she can explain what her body behaviour means... She might stop with such a challenge.
3) Decide to start your own group and break away from one where the leader, in your view, is disrespectful. Life is short so why bother spending time with someone disrespectful?

Good luck.

Very rude of her. I lead a book group (in fact, we're meeting tonight) and I wouldn't dream of doing that. And if anyone else did it, I'd call them out on it. I do my absolute best to ensure that everyone who wants to speak/air a view (because some don't!), gets the chance. Obviously there are differences of opinion but actually that makes for the best discussion. If everyone agrees that the book's fantastic or rubbish, there's not much more to say! Tonight we'll be discussing the controversial (and quite gritty), 'American Dirt' and I'm expecting some wide-ranging views and therefore, a good meeting!
If your leader (or anyone else) does that again, I would ask her politely why she's making faces and embarrass her into (hopefully) not doing it again.

We read American Dirt at our book club. Greatly disturbing. I was figuratively biting my nails all the way through. Great book though!

Yes another thumbs up for American Dirt, not a book club read, but would be a good choice, never dropped a beat, tense all the way through.

I am in two book groups and both are full of respectful members! Find another one or if it occurs again, stop, wait, then carry on after making a point !

Ps American Dirt, an all time favourite

Definitely not BU.
(I imagine this made others feel uncomfortable too!)

Extremely rude and childish, And she's the leader? Find yourself another book group. A good book group is a lovely thing with a sharing of opinions and respect for all members even when their views on the book may differ from yours.

Does your book club leader sound as if she follows these aims;
Book club aims and objectives include promoting reading for pleasure, encouraging discussion and critical thinking, building community and social connections, and fostering a love for literature and lifelong learning. These goals are achieved by creating a safe space for members to share perspectives, explore different genres, and enhance their communication skills through guided conversations.
Primary aims and objectives
Promote a culture of reading: To encourage members to read more frequently and with greater enjoyment, often by reading a diverse range of books and genres.
Encourage discussion and critical thinking: To provide a space for members to discuss books in-depth, share opinions, and analyze aspects like plot, characters, and themes.
Foster social connections and community: To build relationships among members who might not otherwise interact, creating a supportive community.
Develop communication skills: To provide a platform for members to practice and improve their conversational, debating, and public speaking skills in a low-pressure environment.
Broaden horizons: To expose members to new authors, genres, and perspectives they might not have encountered on their own, which can challenge their existing viewpoints.
Enhance personal growth: To provide a space for self-reflection and personal development, helping members become more confident, articulate, and self-motivated.
Specific objectives that support the primary aims
Provide a safe and inclusive space: To ensure members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts without judgment.
Engage with deeper meaning: To look beyond the surface of a text and discuss its deeper meanings and underlying theories.
Create a sense of direction: To establish a shared purpose and use this to guide the selection of books.
If not, time to start your own group with integrity life is too short, don’t permit anyone to treat you anything less than you deserve.

Dying to know what you said! I was recently told by a lady high up in my organisation that she thought there was no problem with people putting up flags everywhere and protesting about immigrants. I said I didn't agree and she rolled her eyes at me but I continued to explain how some people consider it inciting violence and that it made me feel less safe, as a white British woman. She couldn't say much more after that. You expressed your own thoughts on points which is fine, how you perceive things are different to others. Perhaps she just wanted everyone to agree with her. But I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, she may have been having an off day.

I’m lucky, my book group has a really nice leader, she takes care and includes everyone.
This woman sounds unpleasant. I’d find another group.

Our choir has just started a book club and it isn't at all boring - it's very interesting, challenging and great fun.

I agree with the person who said OP should have confronted the "leader" and asked why she was rolling her eyes. That would have put her on the spot.

My book club doesn’t have a leader , we’re all equal . Two women came up with the idea , but we take it in turns to choose a book and then have the meeting at that persons house . I’d find another book club , she sounds a bully or a queen bee .

Mainwin, that was indeed rude of her. I'm sure the others in your group felt the same way. If it happens again, I would call her out on it, and point out the whole point of a book discussion is to hear varying opinions on the book, and all positions should be heard. Or discussed, if someone disagrees!

I love my book group; there have been times when we have different opinions on a book, and it tends to make the evening more interesting, rather than when we all agree.

I am always surprised when people who claim to love reading don't want to discuss the books they read.

eazybee

I am always surprised when people who claim to love reading don't want to discuss the books they read.

I'm an avid reader but once I've read a book I don't want to pick it apart and if it's something I'm not enjoying, I just ditch it! Thankfully the "book club" I belong to is very unstructured, really it should be called a "book sharing" club and I love it when someone puts a book in front of me and says " you'll love this, I hated it!" We know each others tastes very well as we've been meeting up for years.

That was rude.

Discussing it doesn't mean 'picking it apart' it means sometimes asking questions, such as'why do you think he did that? was it the right thing to do? 'was the ending satisfactory? what would !have happened if..? do you think the editor has even read this book?
There are always parts that have been missed or misunderstood that bear re-reading.
I have been a book club member for 25 years and only one member, out of 12, has left (moved 200 miles away) and have read so many books I would never have opened otherwise, and enjoyed most of them. We are very democratic, no leader, take it in turns to speak to begin with,compile a book list in a group so no one is hurt if their choice is not popular, and nearly always find something good to say about each book, even occasionally, well it's short.

It means talking about parts which particularly impressed, commenting on the writing, the description,

Your leader sounds immature and insecure. What size is the group? Are others who treat all members with respect? Do you have any supportive friends in the group? If the group is very small and the answers to both questions are negative you may well feel you need to leave. Your local library may have information about other groups.