'Poppers-in' - do you mind???

No popper ins here either.

Even family have to have an appointment and it works both ways.

We are not very social, so I guess that’s the reason.
Also, dislike callers.

sharon103

I like to know when people when people want to visit but I do have two people just walk in my back door whenever they feel like it. If I were to keep my back door locked they would grill me as to why.

No-one just walks in here - they do ring the doorbell!

No, I don't like it, and it doesnt happen. It's one of the great things about modern communication we can make a phone call or WhatsApp to arrange meet ups.

People don't "pop in" neighbour wise round here, people are friendly but reserved, but if a neighbour in need called I'd help out if I could, but be clear if I couldn't but go the whole hog if it were a 999 issue.

We never had this as a child, mum worked full time. Even when I was a young mum I'd always pick up the phone first.

As a student and living in alternative communities/shared housing groups of friends in my 20's in the 1970's we would go round to see if people were in round the corner often finding friend A in rather than friend B but it was always OK if they said they wanted to be alone just then.

I'm sociable now but protect time to myself and respect others' need to do so too.

Each to her own, but I would think myself very rude if I did not answer the door or phone.

If I genuinely do not have the time to speak to the caller, I say so, politely, I hope, but I am rarely so busy that I cannot chat for ten minutes or so.

Would love to see - "poppers in". All welcome here!

I had a friend who would answer the door with her coat on for poopers in. If she was happy to see them she’d say she’d just got in and if not, she’d say she was sorry but she was just on her way out!! That way, nobody was offended!

The only person who pops in is my daughter, who lives 5 minutes away, and I love it when she pops in.

You are not alone. I hate it. My mum used to have people who popped in all the time. I never did like it.

when I don't answer the door later send tart little emails about how they are offended/disappointed I ('yet again') wasn't in when they randomly called.

The solution to that is very simple; you just send a cheery litle email back " Oh, I was in, just not answering the door. That's what I do when people drop by unannounced and I'm not in the mood for visitors. You know now!"

< Lots of cheery emoji faces>

I’m with the op, Xmas is hell on a stick . Not everyone has twixmas time to fill . When I was younger I didn’t mind but then I realised it wasn’t reciprocated. I prefer to make plans to meet out . That way you or they can leave . At home it can end up all day with uninvited guests. I once had a relative turn up with a car load of friends and kids . Just passing,my foot. They live miles away. We were a pit stop for food and the loo .

The only ones I don’t mind popping in unexpectedly are my children and grandchildren, my best friend of over 40 years used to pop in but I never minded that.
But now that I have moved a hundred miles away to live near my daughter and her family,sadly my friend can no longer pop in.
But I have never really liked neighbours or acquaintances randomly coming to visit without prior notice

boheminan

This time of the year is busy, fitting in friends and family I want/need to see over the holiday but there's a sticking point I really don't know how to overcome without offending.

It's deeply ingrained in me that I can't cope with people calling on me unannounced but I have a couple of friends who do this and I confess I don't open the door to them. I've let friends know I don't like poppers-in but some seem to ignore this and as they're at ease with the calling in at any time, just ignore my request, call anyway and when I don't answer the door later send tart little emails about how they are offended/disappointed I ('yet again') wasn't in when they randomly called.

Am I the only one who hates even friends 'popping in' randomly?

Definitely not, I do too, I work from home and although volunteering it is a full time job. I do not do interruptions gladly. One of my friends would stay all day. In fact she does when she is invited, you can never ask her for a cuppa because of that. I literally have to ask her to leave EVERY time she visits. I have known it to be midnight and she is still sat there really comfortably. She does not say much either, just relies on me doing the talking. I have to turn the TV on at times as I find it unbearable just to sit there.

I’d love anyone we know to pop by and see if we were in and come in for a chat. Sadly it seldom happens as local friends have died or are in residential homes.

Reminds me of when I was a child. The doorbell would ring and mum went into superhero mode. Newspapers were stashed under the chair, knitting thrown in a basket, cups flung into the kitchen . Seconds later she'd open the door with a smile

I’m not so very “flush” with visitors -who would most likely be family anyway that I have needed to make a rule about it. But people need to be reciprocal and also accept whatever state of preparedness they find me or my home in.
Be honest. Unless it’s the bailiffs or perhaps Jehovah’s Witness’s I won’t be lying low on the carpet to avoid detection.😅

There are so very many people for whom being alone day after day, year on year has become an ingrained habit to shun others as it involves some degree of effort, then becoming the type of person that they all swore they would never be. Just sad 😞

I think the advent of mobile phones, voice messaging (particularly loath that) texting WhatsApp and FaceTime etc have led to more reasons/excuses to ignore/miss people when they are trying to keep in touch.

Royal Mail being so inconsistent and hideously expensive has also blocked off that avenue of communication for people.

I'm not particularly gregarious but always welcome poppers in. If they've taken the time to come here it's not difficult be welcoming. They have to take me and my house as they find us but are always welcomed with a cuppa.

We have someone that turns up without checking if we are at home. It turns into a coffee and a biscuit and I feel nowadays we have to hide and not open the door. Just wish this person would send a text to say are you home!

I’ m not keen on Poppers-in either but to be honest now that our parents have died no one comes to visit anyway!

It occurred to me recently that both DH and I have regularly visited our aunts and uncles (by arrangement) but none of our nephews or nieces ever visit us.. We’re both still active fortunately but I foresee a lonely future if we get to the stage where we can’t get out much.

Having lived in another former colonial country, we always welcomed friends who popped by. It was the done thing.

It’s difficult. A man I once worked with, and got on well with, invited me and my husband to dinner to meet his wife and we subsequently became good friends with both of them. I was only part-time as I had young children, so I was at home quite a lot of the day. It was fine until the husband suddenly decided that as both his wife and my husband worked 9-5, it would be nice if he and I had coffee occasionally while they were at work. There truly was no ulterior motive as far as I could see - he behaved impeccably, and at first, it was quite nice to put the world to rights over a coffee. He adored the girls and they thought the world of him. The problem started when his (fortnightly or so) visits started getting more and more frequent. He was obviously bored. I wasn’t! I had the house to run, food to cook, and everything else to do with being a wife and Mum. It got to the stage where the girls and I would hide upstairs around the time he usually turned up, until he gave up. (It had to be upstairs because he would walk down the drive and come into the garden to see if we were there, and there was a tall side window he could look through into the dining room). When we moved to a nearby town (not because of him), I think he eventually got fed up with the journey as the visits became fewer and fewer, probably due to the 24 mile round trip if he wanted to see us.
We still saw him occasionally when we had dinners with him and his wife and that was fine, but he stopped his frequent visits, thankfully.

Sooze58

I had a friend who would answer the door with her coat on for poopers in. If she was happy to see them she’d say she’d just got in and if not, she’d say she was sorry but she was just on her way out!! That way, nobody was offended!

My friend would answer the door with a towel wrapped round her “newly washed” hair.
I tried it and my pooper in (as you say) said “It looks dry to me”
as could see part of it peeping out😁

hollysteers

Sooze58

I had a friend who would answer the door with her coat on for poopers in. If she was happy to see them she’d say she’d just got in and if not, she’d say she was sorry but she was just on her way out!! That way, nobody was offended!

My friend would answer the door with a towel wrapped round her “newly washed” hair.
I tried it and my pooper in (as you say) said “It looks dry to me”
as could see part of it peeping out😁

LOL - that one wouldnt work with me - as my hair is so short it takes very little time to dry anyway.

Add that I'm useless at telling lies - even at my age I could probably count the number of lies I've ever told on one hand or, at most, both hands - both "white" lies and bigger ones. My face instantly gives away exactly what I'm thinking I gather.

Just as well I'm fine with poppers-in....except for the one time many years back when my father popped-up to fetch me for an expected visit later that day. It was NOT good timing...and my then boyfriend and I had no way to pretend to be out...

I don't mind someone popping in as long as it isn't too early in the day or too late at night.

In Gavin & Stacey, Dawn and Pete always visit via the back kitchen patio doors so Mick & Pam have no chance of pretending that they are not available for visitors. Smithy does the same.

Anyone else find it strange that Gavin (and Stacey) are the only ones to use the front door and to politely knock too.

I could never understand why he never used the back door.

I don’t mind poppers in as long as they pop out again pretty quickly. Like someone further up the thread we have a neighbour who is lovely but will outstay his welcome, and instead of knocking at the door he comes up to the window and looks in before knocking on the window pane so we can’t hide.