Camera or not?

OK well maybe I’m going against the majority here but I’m 76, live alone and have cameras in my house because I was brought up in fear of intruders. (We lived in that kind of road, and my father was a fear-mongerer). So, I wear a fall alarm, I have a burglar alarm and I have absolutely no problem with my kids having camera access to look at my hall, kitchen, living room and landing. We also use Location sharing. A couple of years ago I was told I probably had a relatively brief time to live. When you see the effect news something like that has on your kids you’ll do whatever you can do reassure them that you’re OK. It’s not intrusive at my age, it’s consideration for those who love and care for us. Years ago my DM resisted - back then she felt a cleaner was an intrusion - so I shed a few tears……. she agreed, and the cleaner quickly became a dear friend. When you see the issue through the eyes of those who love you it can become a different story.

That is how I feel, Azalea99.

If your mum worries that her phone might not be working if she had Alexa in her house could she then ask it to call you? I was just pondering on what I might do in the future to stop my children from worrying about me and when I was at my daughters the other day she uses Alexa for all sorts of things. I'm not very technical so don't really know what Alexa can and can't do.

Azealea we are all different, I m older than you and also live alone and would hate to have cameras in my home I certainly don’t mind location sharing I don’t really go much off the beaten track anyway, and I would happily wear a bracelet / watch whatever if I got to the stage where I was unsteady , but until then it would completely go against my confidence and privacy to be ‘watched’ however briefly.
I m lucky that I m fairly fit although I ve had my moments and I very much value my independence, my ability to go to the shops, go to work, go to my allotment go walking on the beach or woods I don’t feel I m anywhere near having cameras on me …maybe when I m 95 ( maybe not) 🤣
I do speak or text my eldest every day usually more than once but certainly early morning My other two are overseas so we talk once or twice a week so there is plenty of contact
I also do do what I m told when advised of things over my safety or health I m not a selfish ‘know it all’ but I am still a strongish, independent woman who picks others up (Not always literally 🤣)

Going back to the original post Narnia I think some things could be more helpful than cameras to support your mum
Definitely check the landline with a screen for the deaf I think you can get them though the deaf society and also many other helpful things an Alexa sounds a good idea although I don’t know a lot about them See if your mum will allocate a specific time to ring you daily say 8 am and 8 pm to give you peace of mind and definitely have a good talk to her about locking doors etc.
I do think cameras are a good idea for anyone living alone with early stage dementia.

...definitely have a good talk to her about locking doors etc.

There's a problem though when memory is impacted and the person you are talking to just doesn't remember.

don’t feel I m anywhere near having cameras on me…maybe when I m 95

The trouble is that you may need them but feel you are coping because your memory leads you to think you can. My Mum hasn't walked for 3 years but will get most upset if you tell her she can't.

I would happily wear a bracelet / watch whatever if I got to the stage where I was unsteady

If there are memory problems so you don't remember you are wearing it or remember to press the buttons, there are ones that will set off an alert without you needing to. I don't know if they do yet, but I should think it won't be long before technology alerts you if your loved one wanders outside a given area. When we looked after my Grandad we used to have a sensor Map.

OP, there are door sensors you can get where you can set them up (with a Google Nest or Alexa) to tell you when the door is opened. We had ours set up after a burglary and it would get Alexa to say that the police had been called. You could set it up to remind your Mum that she needs to lock the door.

Bluebell, I should have said I wasn't criticising your post but you did make some points that are regularly made by people who don't realise their vulnerability. Neither was I suggesting you didn't recognise yours! I am sure that there are lots of ways around these problems which don't encroach on people's dignity and we are all different in our needs.

Ask her to text you every day?

My mother had a friend who had a device on the kettle that sent a message to her son’s phone when she used it. There are many ways of keeping an eye on her without actually watching her.

*Icanhandthemback’ that’s ok I totally understand that I may not know when I am vulnerable and when and if that happens we can see what’s best. lead by my eldest hopefully I will not be stubborn
I m not a foolhardy woman all I m saying is if the posters mum is not up for cameras, then it’s her wishes as well as the relatives and perhaps a middle ground for now can be found.

The original poster doesn’t say her mother is mentally impaired she says she is pretty fit but forgets things like locking doors (well you can be that sort of person at 20) and a camera wouldn’t help that would it ?
A daily phone call would definitely help so I think it’s far more imperative to get some good phone contact set up which caters for her deafness

Some people are happy to have camers. but this system might be preferred. justchecking.co.uk/

The original poster doesn’t say her mother is mentally impaired she says she is pretty fit but forgets things like locking doors (well you can be that sort of person at 20)...

Yes, and I have been that person. My husband always checks on these things but I daren't tell him how often I left the front door open when he was working. 😱

…and I m your opposite but equally annoying icanhandthemback I m a checker and always have been, so I lock the door, go back to check I ve locked it properly, think I ll just make sure I ve put the fire/stove or whatever out, then give the door handle a good shake get on the bus train or whatever and sit thinking I did turn the tap off tightly didn’t I ?
It’s hideously annoying

I would put in cameras (with her consent) my cousin did this when her DM was in early dementia states.

My own DM was pretty independent but when my DD died we insisted she had Careline installed, a pendant around her neck and taught her how to use a very basic mobile phone, as well as a landline phone, both fitted with very loud ring tones as she was deaf, had great hearing aids which she only put in when people visited, as it “ran down the batteries”

BlueBelle

…and I m your opposite but equally annoying icanhandthemback I m a checker and always have been, so I lock the door, go back to check I ve locked it properly, think I ll just make sure I ve put the fire/stove or whatever out, then give the door handle a good shake get on the bus train or whatever and sit thinking I did turn the tap off tightly didn’t I ?
It’s hideously annoying

I’m like you Primrose drives everyone mad, including me, but at least we are safe!

I ve changed from a blue Bluebelle to a yellow primrose Cossey 🤣

If she is of sound mind, no. Really intrusive.

I still remember the time when my parents were getting frail and I worried constantly about what was happening to them. Even though it was a long time ago I still get a moment of panic when my landline rings. And my partners next door neighbours sons were grateful that we kept on eye on their mum when her health was declining. It’s a very stressful time for one’s children when the parents are a long way away. It’s often a fall that results in an older person losing their independence. My partners mother would probably have died if her cleaner ( or care worker) hadn’t found her after she broke her ankle.Older peoples need for independence can have quite an impact on their children’s lives.

Just read this in The Times. There is an app called Are you dead yet?
Apparently if the person doesn’t press a green button on the app they’re someone , family or whoever, is notified. Not for 48hours though.
Developed in China so I might give it a miss.

One of my relatives had a stroke some years ago and he lay on the floor for 2 days til I got a taxi down, feeling that there was something wrong. Although he is 90% recovered we agreed to install a camera in the hall. He would need to pass through there multiple times a day to collect post and visit various rooms. So if a period passed with no activity and no sign of him going out I would worry, There are no cameras in the bedroom or living areas so his privacy is not infringed. I have a camera outside my kitchen door which shows when I go into the garden. Perhaps you could install a camera somewhere you would expect your mum to go during the day which does not have privacy issues.

friendlygingercat

One of my relatives had a stroke some years ago and he lay on the floor for 2 days til I got a taxi down, feeling that there was something wrong. Although he is 90% recovered we agreed to install a camera in the hall. He would need to pass through there multiple times a day to collect post and visit various rooms. So if a period passed with no activity and no sign of him going out I would worry, There are no cameras in the bedroom or living areas so his privacy is not infringed. I have a camera outside my kitchen door which shows when I go into the garden. Perhaps you could install a camera somewhere you would expect your mum to go during the day which does not have privacy issues.

Brilliant!

Is it really safe for her to be living alone?
Sounds doubtful.

BlueBelle

…and I m your opposite but equally annoying icanhandthemback I m a checker and always have been, so I lock the door, go back to check I ve locked it properly, think I ll just make sure I ve put the fire/stove or whatever out, then give the door handle a good shake get on the bus train or whatever and sit thinking I did turn the tap off tightly didn’t I ?
It’s hideously annoying

BlueBelle, for you, ‘unreal_keanu’ channel, on youtube,

“ Keanu forgets to turn the iron off in the house “

Any ‘falls-alert’ device is only going to work if the person will remember to wear it. Would your mum remember?