Camera or not?

Narnia

It's not just about her falling etc, she's terrible for leaving doors unlocked. I've frequently walked into her house and altho she's sitting there she's had no idea. We have told her till we are blue in the face, we all have keys to get in!

You can change the locks so they cannot be opened from the outside once shut.

There are so very many sensor things you can have installed which are less intrusive. Some will tell you if there has been no movement for a while, others if she goes out, others if she has had a fall and so on. The thing is to have a serious talk with her if she still has capacity and to decide what she can accept at this stage. Then do your research and get a reputable firm to sort it out. You can google sensors in advance so you know what you are talking about with your mother and of course the consultant when they visit. It is such a worrying time, being a carer from away is a roller coaster but then being a carer anywhere is that too.

gertiejay

Please think how you would feel if camera's were installed in your house. I think it's extremely intrusive and would never consider it

It may be that the Mum would like the reassurance of it. My mother certainly never minded and she liked the idea that she could talk to me over it if she had a problem. The trouble was, she would never remember that it was there when she did have a problem. She also had an alerter necklace after having a watch for falls and she wouldn't remember to press the button. It also didn't help when she left the doors open. The funny thing was, when she eventually ended up in a home, she was terrified that people who did not belong in the home would gain access to her room because there was a door to the courtyard out of her room and she was paranoid about it being locked!

If your mother is pretty mobile then perhaps a camera in a hallway would be an option. If you set it to send an alert to your phone when she is in range you'd get reassurance without invading her privacy.

It sounds as if your mum is 86, and reasonably well apart from the deafness and dizzy spells. I would just open the conversation with her. Explain that you get worried, that you know that she can look after herself but that her hearing means that it sometimes hard for you to get in touch when you are concerned.

You could go on to talk about how you can decide on the limits to preserve her privacy for eg using the bathroom and getting dressed/undressed. Perhaps you can agree to check on her set times/frequencies rather than watching her the whole time if she feels that that would be intrusive. I think you’d have to be disciplined about not making comments about things you have seen! And tell her that if she is really uncomfortable with them, then you’ll turn them off.

She can only say yes or no. Sometimes my mum says no to something the first time and then mulls it over for a couple of weeks and decides it’s a good idea. I hadn’t thought about this as an option for her, but I’m starting to.

Try to think of how you can present this as a benefit to her? If she needed help she could call you via the sound camera….the ones I see F&F use for pets/babies have two way sound. She may not be able to hear your response, but she would have the confidence of knowing that you are responding.

DD and I don’t have location tracker set on our phones, and lots of our friends think this is a bit odd! We are used to being independent. I was in a controlling relationship for years and the very thought of this makes shivers run down my spine. But I never say never - if I thought that eventually this kind of tech would keep me safely in my own home for longer, and give my loved ones peace of mind, I would be prepared to give it a go.

You might not want to go to the cost, but technology might help you with the door as well. If it’s the front door, a ring doorbell linked to your phone will tell you if anybody tries to go in who shouldn’t. But there are keyless electronic alarm/locking systems now which you can operate remotely.

Finally, you’ve probably been down this route - but a couple of people I know who suffered with poor hearing for years have finally found Bluetooth hearing aids that work for them, especially with the phone, which has been a huge source of frustration.

OK.
So it would help if I pasted the link!

www.gransnet.com/forums/health/1355163-Personal-alarms-eg-careline

It's on this thread - near the end (as of now).

I like the idea on the other thread about sensors.
I'll see if I can find it.

I have a camera doorbell and bith DSs are linked to it so know if anyone calling at house or when I leave. If your concern is about security a camera doorbell would help for external stuff. Perhaps there is a camera system you could install inside the property focused only on the doors enabling you to check if your DM has approached and locked the door.

We had this dilemma when my mum came out of hospital after a fall. She’s fallen in the bathroom and has been there for 12 hours plus . She’d taken her alarm pendant off to have a wash .
Mum didn’t want cameras, so she has a falls alarm on her wrist . It looks like a sports watch . As well as the pendant which is linked to a care line associated with her assisted living flat . She also has a button she presses every morning, so the manager knows she ok or not .
Could your mum ring you daily, Perhaps first thing in the morning. Or is there a mobile phone with a light and a loud ring? . Mum has a landline phone especially for deaf people. It lights up and has a really loud ring tone . Do they do something similar for a mobile phone ?
Something else which was recommended for mum were motion sensors above her doors . They track your routine , so if you’ve been in your bedroom , bathroom or living room longer than normal . It sends an alert to your loved ones .
We felt the falls alarm was better for mum.

My sister and I each lived over 200 miles from our mother. Her decline with dementia was such that a camera installed in her lounge was a decision we never regretted. It allowed her to remain independent for over a year until she had to enter a specialist care home. Neither of us saw it as intrusive, rather a way of checking her welfare. The context was the prime factor.

Is there a Neighbourhood Watch , and would they just be able to pass by and check that lights were on, doors were locked? Would she object to that?
It is so difficult respecting independence against natural concern.

Hi OP, I wish there was a cam version years ago- my mother had a Careline pendant a - She didn’t like to wear it at all…
As a result she spent 12 hrs on the kitchen floor without us knowing and by chance we called in as there was no answer on
the house phone…

I’m all for security now..my AD has set up FIND ME on her app. don’t mind being tracked as I can track her back and see when she is close by or not!
Reassured all round 🤞🏻

gertiejay

Please think how you would feel if camera's were installed in your house. I think it's extremely intrusive and would never consider it

I agree.

Sorry crossed posts Bluebelle

Personally I think a camera would be crossing a line of personal privacy. And are you going to be monitoring a camera every hour of every day? What if she went for a little lie down for a couple of hours. Out of the range of the camera? You’d be worrying unnecessarily.
You don’t say how far away you live from your mother, so it’s hard to know how easy or difficult it is for you to pop round yourself.
If her neighbours don’t mind, you could check with them that they don’t mind checking on her if she hasn’t responded to a message.
Another thing that might give you some peace of mind would be a personal alarm thing that she can use to alert the service if she feels unwell or falls.

Does your mum want cameras in her house What ever state of health she’s in it’s her decision to make and presumably you ll need cameras in every room !
What use will a camera be to keep her remembering to lock doors etc ?
The watches /bracelets/ necklaces scheme that alert relatives are not just about falling she could use it to let them know she felt unwell or needed her relatives help

Please think how you would feel if camera's were installed in your house. I think it's extremely intrusive and would never consider it

Narnia, does your Mother's house have internet/wifi installed ? I only ask because for you to watch indoor cameras there would have to be some kind of internet set up for you to be able to view them remotely.

What type of hearing aids does she have? I have NHS Bluetooth aids which mean phone calls go straight to me ears and I can once more have phone conversations. The landline is useless.

It's not just about her falling etc, she's terrible for leaving doors unlocked. I've frequently walked into her house and altho she's sitting there she's had no idea. We have told her till we are blue in the face, we all have keys to get in!

There are watches that will alert loved ones if you have a fall.