Grandaughter

Well that was the right thing to do, I would make as little fuss as possible and take as little notice as possible, stay very calm, but stick to what you were doing.

Are you able to take your older granddaughter and one parent to sleep each night in your house, so that some of the family are able to get some sleep they need.
With regard to your granddaughter, incessant screaming, night after night and during part of the day, is very hard to maintain.
Has she simply decided after the holidays that she would prefer to be at home?
A possible cause. A neighbour's child would wake each night with night terrors but the nearest explanation he could make was spiders on the ceiling. His mother slept in the room and was woken up by screaming: nothing on the ceiling. Ten minutes later, he screamed again, and moving across the ceiling were spidery patterns made by headlights from the main road filtering through the gathers of the tops of the curtains. Only certain headlights were in the right position to make these patterns, hence their infrequency.

She is very young and it is far too early imo to start putting labels on her. What does she say at bedtime? Why is she crying then? What happens if she spends the night sleeping with her mum for example, as a temporary thing, rather than her just crying all night? Are they really leaving her to cry all that time so that no one else can sleep? If she’s ok eventually at school but finds it hard to leave a parent to go into school, has something occurred that has left her feeling a bit insecure? Can her parents give her lots of love and reassurance over the coming weeks, even if it means slowing down or making some changes for now? If she draws or paints with them, what does she do,…this is often revealing if a child can’t express themselves easily. Something has changed in her ‘little’ world and it may take her a while to process it. Often just love and attention will gradually be what’s needed, rather than a ‘label’.

I had one of my DDs draw her day in several pictures. She drew herself in a house with water coming up on the outside.

Stillness

She is very young and it is far too early imo to start putting labels on her. What does she say at bedtime? Why is she crying then? What happens if she spends the night sleeping with her mum for example, as a temporary thing, rather than her just crying all night? Are they really leaving her to cry all that time so that no one else can sleep? If she’s ok eventually at school but finds it hard to leave a parent to go into school, has something occurred that has left her feeling a bit insecure? Can her parents give her lots of love and reassurance over the coming weeks, even if it means slowing down or making some changes for now? If she draws or paints with them, what does she do,…this is often revealing if a child can’t express themselves easily. Something has changed in her ‘little’ world and it may take her a while to process it. Often just love and attention will gradually be what’s needed, rather than a ‘label’.

I agree - far too big a leap to suggest ADHD, autism, etc. She has said she’s sad - there will be a reason, very possibly something an adult would overlook.

If it’s any help, I had a weird mental breakdown when I was around 6. It started when my primary school teacher got married and moved away, so I had a new teacher. She was lovely, but I didn’t consider her to be MY teacher, so I just kept crying all the time and kicking off when it was time for school. I ended up seeing a child psychologist but nothing really helped, I just grew out of it. I think things improved after a holiday. I distinctly remember telling the CP “I just feel sad all the time….”

I ended up as a primary teacher myself and I know that these behaviour patterns are often triggered by tiny little things, eg the child hates their new lunchbox or they have been moved to a different table in class. I remember one child going ballistic because we got new chairs in the classroom and he wanted his special chair back because that’s where he stuck his bogies!! So try to really drill down to find out what’s making your grandchild feel this way.

I am wondering whether you adults are all understanding the problem the wrong way round!

To me it sounds as if something scared her at school, just prior to Christmas, and that the screaming at night is caused by the child realising that in the morning she has to go to school.

As she is fine when she comes out of school, she is presumably not being bullied, but ask her teachers if any films were shown that could have scared her, or any subjects discussed that a child could have been scared by.

Could this be a separation issue. Just not wanting to leave what she considers a safe environment. Have parents tried having her sleep on floor in their room instead of your DD providing support in DGD room? May break the cycle of GD being regarded as "needing" protection in her room. Whatever it is there has surely been a trigger for GD being so distressed.

Hypno therapy can be vrey useful. No one can resolve any issues when they are in a high anxiety state. Hypnosis is relaxing

Hypnotherapy for children draws upon their imagination to nurture characteristics such as self-esteem and confidence. It provides a forum to explore their issues, seeing them from a new perspective to help build resilience and coping strategies. Here we learn more about how hypnotherapy can support children.

www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/content/child-hypnosis.html

My eldest grandson behaved just like this at 9. It just suddenly started. He has counselling which seemed to help, although she didn’t share any concerns with his parents. Eventually his parents were getting irritated with him, which obviously made things worse. They refused to have him sleep in their bedroom, which I think would have comforted him. I took him to my house for 2 nights. I went to bed with him and stayed there all night. A couple of times he woke up saying “Nana?” So I reassured him and cuddled him. I think it broke the cycle of behaviour and he never went back to the screaming.
The only thing the counsellor said was that she thought he was going through early puberty and wasn’t mature enough to cope. But that does sound very early for a 6 year old like your granddaughter.

Girls with autism are often missed until they are older as they are more able to hide it and copy other girls’ behaviour. They mask much better than boys, too. As has been said, they are often able to hold everything in at school and then let it out at home because they feel safe there. Have her parents spoken to her teacher about what has been happening? Certainly this reaction is extreme and, although I am not a doctor or psychiatrist, I have an autistic son and mildly affected autistic daughter and have worked with many children and adults with autism. This behaviour seems as if it could be a part of autism. Obviously, something occurred that has set off this extreme reaction.

It sounds like she is finding transitions difficult

If you google "helping children with everyday transitions" it gives loads of advice and strategies for dealing with this. I live with 2 people who find transitions difficult, both adult now, both don't have a diagnosis of anything...but learning how to deal with transitions is really helpful

I think many people are suspicious about hypnotism because of stage shows that appear to make people do things they would not do voluntarily.
Therapeutic hypnotism induces a deep state of relaxation during which the patient never loses awareness. I've had it twice and was aware of birds singing outside and the occasional car going by but I did not focus on those things while the therapist helped me to explore the reasons I had consulted her. During the session, you may lose sensation in your feet and hands, especially if you are a 'good' subject. You will be brought out of your relaxed state by the therapist, slowly and carefully.
However, you do need to be ready and willing to experience that state of deep relaxation and I'm not sure a six year old would be able to benefit.

Separation anxiety?
Copied from google:

Emotional Distress: Excessive fear or anxiety when separated from a primary caregiver or attachment figure (parent, partner).
Worry: Persistent worry about losing or harm coming to attachment figures.
Avoidance: Reluctance or refusal to go out, attend school/work, or sleep alone.
Nightmares: Recurrent bad dreams about separation.
Physical Symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, vomiting, or nausea during separation.
Causes & Triggers
Developmental: Realization of dependence and object permanence in infancy.
Life Stressors: Divorce, moving, new sibling, death of a loved one, changing schools.
Genetics: A family history of anxiety

JaneJudge

It sounds like she is finding transitions difficult

If you google "helping children with everyday transitions" it gives loads of advice and strategies for dealing with this. I live with 2 people who find transitions difficult, both adult now, both don't have a diagnosis of anything...but learning how to deal with transitions is really helpful

This was just what I was thinking. It seems as if she has become hypersensitive, so that managing any kind of change (eg leaving the house to go to school, dance class, et cetera) has become too difficult for her. This might also explain her problem at meal times or at night time, when the world does feel ‘different’. She describes this feeling sad - a better description might be that she feels overwhelmed, but she wouldn’t be able to explain this.

DD2 is hypersensitive and has always found sounds and smells particularly difficult. As an adult she can now explain how she would sometimes feel overwhelmingly, unaccountably distressed and was not able to pin down a reason for it.

She also had night terrors during which floors of walls would be covered by patterns which she describes as ‘scribble’. Even now many years later she is still very careful about the pattern on bedding, curtains etc which can still trigger that feeling and make her feel quite unwell.

Unfortunately, I didn’t understand what was happening and her dad had absolutely no patience with the behaviour, which was invariably met with anger on his part. We didn’t handle it well. I’m pleased that your GS is getting better support than we gave my DD.

Lizzie pop bottle
‘I think many people are suspicious about hypnotism because of stage shows that appear to make people do things they would not do voluntarily.’

A friend who was a successful stage hypnotist said that in her experience it was not possible to force a subject to do something they would not do otherwise against their will.

Had she received any medications prior to this behavioural change?
Hypnosis could certainly help her. As ahe finds it hard to express what is troubling her, under hypnosis, which is a form of deep relaxation, she may be encouraged to draw what is causing her angst.

This is slightly different but my son when he was about 7 years old watched a series called The Storyteller with James Hurt and in one episode were red goblins. This series was targeted for children of 7 years or so. After seeing this one particular episode he had bad dreams for weeks so I made him a 'dream bag' and every night before bed we would say a rhyme about bad dreams go away and would 'catch' them in the bag and 'empty' them down the toilet. The bag would then go under his pillow. It worked most of the time. As an adult he watched it again and said he thought they were too much for young children. It was surprising how just one small thing could have affected his sleep so maybe this has happened for your family?

I wonder if her parents asked her if she would like to redecorate her bedroom ? It would give them all a project to focus on and be fun and perhaps help to break the cycle at night time anyway.

This happened with one of my nephews and it turned out he was autistic but he had had one other two odd behaviours as a child but nothing that really set him apart. He'd been masking for a long time and suddenly couldn't mask any longer. However, it could be that if her sleep isn't good, she might be very tired during the day so it is more difficult to cope with.

There is a thing called "wobbly tooth syndrome" where children between 6 and 8 might have mood swings, anxiety, etc.

Does your GD actually fall asleep, and then wake? Or does the screaming start before she has gone to sleep.
I think there is a difference in this two things.
Also, it isn't that long since Christmas- so it seems there has been intervention and ideas swimming around in what is only a few weeks.
It may sound daft but is the room warm enough? I know my son had terrible nightmares in the cold weather.
She is the same at school, so this isn't a sleep related problem, unless this behaviour has a knock on effect because she must be tired, and when sleep quality is poor the mind can create hallucinations due to sleep deprivation.
The fact that the meltdowns are occuring for no reason leads me to think this is learned behaviour- she scream and people are thrown into a frenzy, it seems. So she gets the notion this is a good way to get attention, this in itself can be quite frightening to the child so the cycle continues.
I think this is far too early for therapy- has the therapy started yet?
The screaming starts when she goes to bed? I would suggest keeping her up a little later- engage her in relaxing but high attention activities- story books, no screens, no sugary things before bed etc.
At some point she will get sleepy- take her to bed and just stay in the room without paying her any attention.
Be calm, read a book, tell her you'll stay until she's asleep, and if she screams. tough though it is, ignore it and carry on doing a different activity in the room.
Eventually she will stop screaming and fall asleep.
Don't focus on the sibling either, don't blame the child for keeping everyone awake. This feeds the attention seeking behaviour. Reward the good behaviour, so she learns their will be a reward if she stops screaming.
If the beahaviour persists into a few months I would seek further help, but I think everyone is reading far too much into this at this stage.

SpanielCuddler

Need to try to unpick what happened at Christmas. Were there any visitors? Did she see a scary film or cartoon? Was she worried about Father Christmas going into her bedroom?
I’m sure the therapist will have suggestions. A worry monster might help or a cuddly light up toy. I’m sure they’ve tried all sorts of strategies to try to help her.

I completely agree. Also wonder if she started having nightmares and too scared to sleep. Awful situation and I hope they finds answers around this soonest.

Also, imo, never leave a small child to scream, I’m assuming it’s not behavioural, ie she wants something and been told no.

Our son had night terrors around that age, he went off to sleep on but would wake up, sitting bolt upright, staring and screaming. We also had to move bedrooms, swapping his for his sister, as he insisted someone called “blue guy” came out of the wall at night to hurt him.

Was there a film at school just before Christmas.Teachers often put a film on towards the end of term……could she have watched something that made her frightened, or was there a party with games at the end of term ,were balloons involved…It’s difficult to know what goes through the young mind,poor lass.

You know, I’ve just watched (and enjoyed) Pirates of the Caribbean on catch up.

It was packed with terrifying images and music.

All four of the Pirates films were on on over Christmas at family viewing time.

What else I wonder………