Grandaughter

Could this be a separation issue. Just not wanting to leave what she considers a safe environment. Have parents tried having her sleep on floor in their room instead of your DD providing support in DGD room? May break the cycle of GD being regarded as "needing" protection in her room. Whatever it is there has surely been a trigger for GD being so distressed.

I am wondering whether you adults are all understanding the problem the wrong way round!

To me it sounds as if something scared her at school, just prior to Christmas, and that the screaming at night is caused by the child realising that in the morning she has to go to school.

As she is fine when she comes out of school, she is presumably not being bullied, but ask her teachers if any films were shown that could have scared her, or any subjects discussed that a child could have been scared by.

If it’s any help, I had a weird mental breakdown when I was around 6. It started when my primary school teacher got married and moved away, so I had a new teacher. She was lovely, but I didn’t consider her to be MY teacher, so I just kept crying all the time and kicking off when it was time for school. I ended up seeing a child psychologist but nothing really helped, I just grew out of it. I think things improved after a holiday. I distinctly remember telling the CP “I just feel sad all the time….”

I ended up as a primary teacher myself and I know that these behaviour patterns are often triggered by tiny little things, eg the child hates their new lunchbox or they have been moved to a different table in class. I remember one child going ballistic because we got new chairs in the classroom and he wanted his special chair back because that’s where he stuck his bogies!! So try to really drill down to find out what’s making your grandchild feel this way.

Stillness

She is very young and it is far too early imo to start putting labels on her. What does she say at bedtime? Why is she crying then? What happens if she spends the night sleeping with her mum for example, as a temporary thing, rather than her just crying all night? Are they really leaving her to cry all that time so that no one else can sleep? If she’s ok eventually at school but finds it hard to leave a parent to go into school, has something occurred that has left her feeling a bit insecure? Can her parents give her lots of love and reassurance over the coming weeks, even if it means slowing down or making some changes for now? If she draws or paints with them, what does she do,…this is often revealing if a child can’t express themselves easily. Something has changed in her ‘little’ world and it may take her a while to process it. Often just love and attention will gradually be what’s needed, rather than a ‘label’.

I agree - far too big a leap to suggest ADHD, autism, etc. She has said she’s sad - there will be a reason, very possibly something an adult would overlook.

I had one of my DDs draw her day in several pictures. She drew herself in a house with water coming up on the outside.

She is very young and it is far too early imo to start putting labels on her. What does she say at bedtime? Why is she crying then? What happens if she spends the night sleeping with her mum for example, as a temporary thing, rather than her just crying all night? Are they really leaving her to cry all that time so that no one else can sleep? If she’s ok eventually at school but finds it hard to leave a parent to go into school, has something occurred that has left her feeling a bit insecure? Can her parents give her lots of love and reassurance over the coming weeks, even if it means slowing down or making some changes for now? If she draws or paints with them, what does she do,…this is often revealing if a child can’t express themselves easily. Something has changed in her ‘little’ world and it may take her a while to process it. Often just love and attention will gradually be what’s needed, rather than a ‘label’.

Are you able to take your older granddaughter and one parent to sleep each night in your house, so that some of the family are able to get some sleep they need.
With regard to your granddaughter, incessant screaming, night after night and during part of the day, is very hard to maintain.
Has she simply decided after the holidays that she would prefer to be at home?
A possible cause. A neighbour's child would wake each night with night terrors but the nearest explanation he could make was spiders on the ceiling. His mother slept in the room and was woken up by screaming: nothing on the ceiling. Ten minutes later, he screamed again, and moving across the ceiling were spidery patterns made by headlights from the main road filtering through the gathers of the tops of the curtains. Only certain headlights were in the right position to make these patterns, hence their infrequency.

Well that was the right thing to do, I would make as little fuss as possible and take as little notice as possible, stay very calm, but stick to what you were doing.

Today again I took my granddaughter to her dance class tok nearly 30mins for my son to persuade her to get in the car.Hes brilliant with her talking about her feelings etc as therapist recommended but she was crying and saying she was sad eventually we got going end of their road she was bavk to herself and coming back just so strange you really wouldn't believe it unless you saw it.

Yes that is true Bluebelle. I sincerely hope Dawns son and DIL find some peace soon and find the reason for the change in their childs behaviour.

Especially girls they are professionals at masking things Shelflife

Children with autism or a similar condition are often ok in school - they mask their condition/ feelings, then go into meltdown at home .

Again thank you.

Dawn, just a thought based on what you’ve said. When you see her full of fun in the day is she at home with the family? And you say she’s fine once she’s in school. Could it be that something has made her anxious and fearful about her family, and she can’t let herself go (eg to sleep, or perhaps leaving the rest of her family to go to school). Could she have seen or overheard something that’s made her worry about the family? It could be something that to an adult is quite trivial.

This is all very helpful,thank you.We are just going round and round trying to think what has happened to her.My son is worried my daughter inlaw is at breaking point.The counsellor said my grandaughter is picking up on her mums anxiety and it is feeding into her and making her worst.She said she has assessed her as more intelligent than an averagesix year old much smarter and more switched on than her age-but behind emotionally more like a 3 to 4 year old.It means she struggles to explain her feelings and that could be why she is struggling to cope where she is now.None of it makes sense to me.

Has she had an infection?
Could it be PANDAS ?
Not sure if that's the right acronym.
It's a sudden onset post viral syndrome that can cause alarming and debilitating neurological symptoms.
I think she should have a neurological assessment for differential diagnosis to rule out an organic cause.

My oldest grandson was the same "BlueBelle* Getting on well at school, he'd never had a day off sick and then one morning when he was eight he just collapsed at breakfast, screaming until he was sick, and there were three years of nightmare until he got a proper diagnosis and a teacher who understood him.

I d ask to see a different doctor hopefully one with a bit better insight That was rubbish information
I do wonder if something even just the hype and overkill of Christmas has pushed her into a mental health overload and something like autism has come into play which was a bit dormant before
I know my friends’ son went from seeming perfectly ok to violent storms just almost overnight He now at 11 has a diagnosis
What do the school say ?

thank you they are both fulltime workers and have an 8 year old as well and no sleep has hit them so hard,my son tells me they feel broken and i worry for them as a family.This has hit us like a bolt,yet to see her during the day she is a full of fun little girl but it can change on a sixpence.

Not the most constructive advice from the doctor! I feel this situation should be taken more seriously, telling her parent to wear her out before bedtime is verging on being flippant and
most certainly not helpful!
Whether this behaviour is the result of a particular condition or an emotional response to something- it needs addressing and I doubt wearing her out before bed is the answer. Her parents will be physically and emotionally worn out , they deserve to be listened to and their concerns taken seriously.

Thank you everyone, I will show my son your replies tomorrow. They have ordered a double bed for her and her mum will sleep with her if she sleeps that way.Mum daughter inlaw has been laying on the floor next to her as soon as she tries to leave the room she starts screaming again.My son and daughter inlaw are worn out.They took her to the doctors Wednesday who's advice was try and ware her out before bedtime and Wednesday night she said you know the doctor said to ware me out so that was a bit of a waste of time.thank you all.

Has anyone in the family asked her - someone she trusts?

Has she been with other, older children over Christmas and may have seen something on social media. Plenty of stuff on there to give grown ups the heebie-jeebies, let alone a six year old girl. Like other posters, hypnosis wouldn't be my first route to go down. I wish your family all the best with her.

I agree with Shelflife, the parents and child should see a GP in order to possibly get a diagnosis of what is happening with your GD by referring her to a specialist.
A therapist is not medically trained and would not recommend hypnosis.

I agree, hypnosis does not sound a good
idea to me. A visit to the GP hopefully followed by appropriate assessment may be needed- to rule out autism, ADHD or something similar. If a condition is diagnosed then the parents will at least know what they are dealing with. Obviously something is wrong . I hope the situation improves. Please keep posting and fingers crossed all will be well.