Wedding Anniversary

I don't get the renewal of vows thing, tbh. You've made them at the wedding, they're supposed to be for life, aren't they? I guess if I did have them I'd have them in a church so the congregation would be my guests. If any invited people came too, that would be a bonus.

Maybe people did think it was just a save the date card, and not an actual invitation, expecting a more formal one later? Then they put the card aside somewhere and forgot about responding by the date you gave?

I agree with others, though, not sure I’d I’d be that bothered about going to this type of event if I hadn’t attended the original wedding, especially as it would cost money for travel and presumably a gift? I think I’d knock that whole idea on its head and book yourself a luxury river cruise or a train trip to Switzerland. (You could even take the husband along…..)

I don't think the type of occasion matters at all, whether you agree with renewals or not, it's the fact that 35 people didn't respond, that is just absolute bad manners.
It's also a bit strange that it's such a very high number. Are these people who you're regularly in contact with or 'blasts from the past' who you haven't contacted for many years?
I would just call the whole thing off, contact the few who accepted and let them know you've had a change of heart and then maybe have a special holiday. Must be very upsetting for you and hope it doesn't spoil your anniversary.

I wanted a party with renewal of vows. We got married in 1980. My husband was not keen. He said he meant the vows the first time so didn't feel the need to say them again. He also felt it was a waste of money to spend out on people who don't keep in touch. We went on a cruise instead.

I think it was very rude of the people you invited. Treat yourselves instead.

It is very rude indeed not to reply to an invitation you receive whether you are able to come or not.

This means, Sarahr, that you are fully justified in phoning these people up and asking them if they are coming or not.

Or you could go ahead and plan a day with the few you know are coming.

Or you could cancel the whole event, and renew your vows privately.

It also strikes me as exceedingly rude that so many gransnetters have aired their incomprehension about renewing vows.

We are all entitled to our own opinions, but it is inconsiderate, hurtful, rude or whatever word you or I want to use to criticise another person's decision to hold such a ceremony. I hope you do not let all these remarks hurt you.

I do wonder, if someone announced the name they were intending to give their baby if everyone would jump in and rudely criticise that.

It’s very odd that so many haven’t responded but like others, I wonder if there’s a miscommunication here, with people reading it as you just putting out feelers rather than a rock solid invitation.

How long ago did you send the letters? There’s the issue of the postal system, although it’s unlikely to affect 35 people at the same time, unless it’s at your end. One area round here has seen their postie retire but no one has been appointed to replace him so post arrives either once a week or ten days or people go to the sorting office and pick it up themselves.

In truth, I probably wouldn’t go to such an occasion especially if it was going involve travel and hotel costs, unless I was very close to the couple or had known them for many years. I would reply to the invitation, though, I wouldn’t be that rude!

It is rude not to reply but I think I would abandon the idea and treat just the two of you to an amazing holiday. It’s all about you two anyway. Congrats on reaching a big anniversary and still being together. We reached fifty years last year, had a small dinner with immediate family but went on a big holiday and then did something special everything month just the two of us. It was lovely.

It is rude and very annoying! I’d be tempted to email those 35 again and say ‘as you have chosen NOT to RSVP by the specified date on our recent invitation we have taken the decision to exclude you from our celebrations’ !

Maybe the lack of response is because it was a ‘pre invitation’ invite 🤔

More people might reply to the ‘proper’ ‘actual’ invitation.

Lathyrus3

I hope you don’t mind Sarah, but I’m trying to get my head round these 35 people who didn’t respond at all and why that might be.

It seems totally out of proportion somehow. How did you send the invitations. Is it remotely possible that somehow a whole bunch of them have gone astray?

And are you not in touch with the people anyway so that you can say, “Are you coming to our party!”.

I just can’t understand so many not replying. It must be troubling for you💐

That was my first thought too. Seems strange that such a huge number didn't even reply. Are you absolutely sure you sent them? Maybe resend, if there's time, as I'd have thought there must be some other explanation than 35 people just not being polite.

Astitchintime

It is rude and very annoying! I’d be tempted to email those 35 again and say ‘as you have chosen NOT to RSVP by the specified date on our recent invitation we have taken the decision to exclude you from our celebrations’ !

I would do that, but not add the bit about them choosing not to RSVP in case they didn't get them. If you email, you can get a 'read' receipt so you'll know they've actually seen them.

What is a save the date? They weren't a thing back in the old days.
My DD goes in for them. She's a wedding photographer. I'll ask her for her opinion if you like.

If I received a card, was it a card?, like that I wouldn't assume a reply was necessary.
I would wait for a proper invitation complete with RSVP and places to stay, dress code, presents or not, link to the venue, transport options etc etc

Just like any organised event.

Good luck that it works out for you.

It is impossible to know why people did not respond without knowing more, as others have pointed out. But I would be careful not to send another message which blames them however subtly for not replying. Do not make your plan to renew vows turn into an occasion to upset others - it would spoil things for you and potentially damage existing friendships.
Better to focus on your love for each other and if you decide to call off the celebration with others, I am sure you can find a courteous way to do it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I wish you happiness.

I've been invited to 3 renewal of vows services at our church - 2 were couples who regularly attended and one was just the wife who was a church member. Two had a party afterwards for eveyone while one had a meal for immediate family and close friends so I wasn't included. I've never been invited to one involving travel etc. As for the invitation being thought of as a 'save the date', I've only once had one of those and the wedding didn't happen in the end as the couple eventually split up!
Most people I know have anniversary parties and don't include renewing vows but I see no issue with whatever people want to do. I certainly reply to an invitation but don't think I replied to the 'save the date'.

I despair of the rudeness that I experience these days.
It really doesn't take much time to accept or refuse.
Sometimes I wonder if people are keeping their options open .
You could ask them again ,but it sounds desperate.
I hope that they don't turn up without letting you know.
I think that I'd go for a small party for the people who want to come.
Have a wonderful day.

It was rude of them, to not let you know either way, but as others have suggested, maybe the invitations did not arrive. Whatever you do, enjoy your celebration.
Maybe let us know how you get on?

This entry advises you of the etiquette
mindyweiss.com/dos-and-donts-save-the-date-etiquette/

Many says
DON’T include reply cards. Unlike invitations, there’s no need to include RSVP cards with your Save the Dates. Guests aren’t expected to respond until they receive the invitation, although some may.

We had a sit down meal with friends and relatives for our 40th. This year for our 50th we are going away for a few days to a very expensive hotel which will also take the dog. Dh’s best man and his wife are joining us for one day. On our anniversary day we will have a fabulous expensive meal which is also fabulously expensive. No hassle to organise.

It was our 50th Anniversary this year and we threw a lunch party. They were mostly neighbours, together with four old friends who live less than five miles away, and some of our close family who are all within 40 minutes journey. I think that only two people could not come due to ill health, and two due to a prior comittment. Most of them were very good about replying, possibly because they weren't threatened with an sort of vow renewal ceremony!
It really is very rude not to bother to reply to your invitation, my only concern is that they will still turn up and say that they assumed you knew that they would be there.

If you sent the invite by email then I am not surprised that most didn't reply...people are so inundated with email spam.etc and i dont think that unless its for work that people read them. Happy anniversary and please try not to take it personally x

No not at all unreasonable to expect a reply

The concept of a ‘pre’ invitation is new to me and wonder whether whether the recipients might have been a bit confused about not getting a proper, definite invitation?

If I was worried about the number of people coming I think I’d probably have sounded out as many as possible informally by phone.

I agree with those who’ve advised ditching a big event and doing something special just for yourselves (with close family if you prefer).

I really don’t understand what you were asking. A ‘pre-invitation’ to me is a ‘save the date’, which doesn’t need a reply, and if you have the choice of 2 venues then you must be very far in advance of the event. So I wouldn’t have expected a reply at all. If you asked for a reply then it’s an invitation proper. Have you got to your reply deadline yet and was it clear that the responses would influence the choice of venue? Perhaps it wasn’t worded as clearly as you thought? In any case ring a few of the invitees you are particularly close to, who have not replied, and ask them if they thought your cards might have been misunderstood.

If it was a pre invite I also probably wouldn't have replied ...... i definitely wouldn't attend....just not my thing .....you would have to be my DM or my child before I would even osier attending wedding vows renewal.....spend the money on lovely holiday

I totally agree about the obey bit. I wish I hadn't agreed to it but we had a pushy vicar and I was naive. After 54 and a half years I still regret it and I certainly haven't kept that particular vow!