Childminding by grandmothers

I think you have done the right thing. Apart from your age there are the obvious safety issues you have mentioned which must always be taken into account. Well done for not feeling pushed into taking this on.

Your reasons for saying no are all justifiable but actually I don’t think you need them. No means no and you don’t need to apologise for it. I would be doing the same. I think they are being naive….and hopeful…Let them sort out their own childcare issues and stand your ground if you need to.

Their choice to have a baby..they should look after it or pay a professional.
I too am 76 and I couldn’t look after a baby all day.

Maybe you could have your grandchild at your home.
We did both. Theirs and ours. It was a joy tiring yes but a joy.
All the best.

If they both have good well paid jobs, why can’t they pay for childcare?
They made the decision to have children so it is their responsibility to care for them.

I'm a good few years younger than you and looked after my grandson twice a week from him being 6 months to when he started school at 4 last September. It was hard work and much harder than looking after my 3 kids. Age tires us.

We did it, because we wanted to help that's great Witzend but not everyone wants too and not everyone can so a refusal shouldn't put the parents out should it, resulting in the GM asking if people think it was unreasonable of her to refuse.

Sueinkent

eddiecat78

If you can afford it you could offer to pay for a day or 2 in nursery instead.
This is what we did. We didn't want to be tied to regular childcare but said we would step in if there was an emergency

Why on earth should she do that? Have the kids? Pay for the kids.

We did it, because we wanted to help. Some things are harder for young parents now than they were for my generation - the relative cost of housing, for starters. A modest family house is no longer affordable on just one average salary, as it so often was a few decades ago.

It’s certainly more than a few decades ago now, but in his book Ethel and Ernest, Raymond Briggs (The Snowman) relates how in the pre WW2 1930s, his parents bought a 3 bed house in Wimbledon, for £850 - on ONE milkman’s wage!

Dh knows the area very well and was able to identify the road. You’d have a job to find anything under a million now!

YANBU Jules 777.

Cossy 10.42 I politely disagree. A compromise is not appropriate if it results in boundaries being crossed - e.g. results in adverse health, safety and well being for any party in relationships.

Childcare responsibility lies solely with the parents- it is not a joint problem/responsibility with Jules777, such that she iOS required to negotiate towards an agreed a solution with the parents that compromises her health and wellbeing so that "everyone is happy". She has rightly and reasonably at 76 years old set out her boundaries to protect her health and well being.

You’re not being unreasonable, however, I do think you should try and come to some form of compromise so that everyone is “happy”

Wishing you all the very best, all our children had child minders and/or nurseries, it does children no harm at all

M0nica

Flippinheck

welbeck

How do you know how difficult it is to carry a suitcase up their stairs???

This told me all I needed to know.

What, exactly, did this tell you?

........that it never occurred to her son or DiL to offer to carry her suitcase upstairs for her, despite her age.

We had a narrow windy staircase in our last house and I always just picked my father's bag up and carried it up stairs for him. The same for several friends and other family who I realised would find it difficult to do it for themselves.

I left DC and DGC to carry there numerous heavy bags upstairs on their own.

It shows how selfish this couple are, thinking of no one but themselves and their convenience.

Yes, that's how I read it too.

Our DC or SiL would always seize our suitcases and carry them upstairs for us.

indeed MOnica.

Flippinheck

welbeck

How do you know how difficult it is to carry a suitcase up their stairs???

This told me all I needed to know.

What, exactly, did this tell you?

........that it never occurred to her son or DiL to offer to carry her suitcase upstairs for her, despite her age.

We had a narrow windy staircase in our last house and I always just picked my father's bag up and carried it up stairs for him. The same for several friends and other family who I realised would find it difficult to do it for themselves.

I left DC and DGC to carry there numerous heavy bags upstairs on their own.

It shows how selfish this couple are, thinking of no one but themselves and their convenience.

Jules777 - looking after GC on a regular basis can be a real joy and I have done this with several of mine and have enjoyed it and gone on to have close relationships with these GC - all brilliant.

But ...... there is no way I would have taken it on at your age and you are absolutely right to say no. I hope your family will understand your decision, which is being made for very sound reasons.

luluaugust

I did do some care in my late 50s but arthritic hands would stop me now at 78, apart from fear of tripping over carrying baby. The other thing is lugging a growing baby around will finish off any back problems you may have.

This is so true, is not always easy for an older person with possible health problems to stoop to pick up a baby and carry that baby around. I have older GCs minded when in my early sixties, and even then found it exhausting. Now there is a second wave of babies in the family from other DDs three GCs all under five. We couldn’t mind them on a regular basis but we did often take one of them occasionally to help out. Getting down on the floor was never easy but is nigh on impossible to look after babies/toddlers without getting down on the floor, and my back paid the price.
After my DH had a massive stroke minding the GCs has now become impossible, but it was already becoming too hard.
Our ACs need to stop seeing us as possible nannies and start seeing us as older people who can’t do what we once did.

I did do some care in my late 50s but arthritic hands would stop me now at 78, apart from fear of tripping over carrying baby. The other thing is lugging a growing baby around will finish off any back problems you may have.

There are 2 parents in well paid jobs who should plan their family round their incomes not around free care from family.

welbeck

How do you know how difficult it is to carry a suitcase up their stairs???

This told me all I needed to know.

What, exactly, did this tell you?

M0nica

What right have parents to expect grandparents to do child care, no matter what the age of the grandparent?

They should just be grovelling grateful if the grand parents will do any of it.

Absolutely.

It really annoys me when our children just expect us to do it. They should sort it out before having babies. I said no because I used to work part time. But I could have fitted some time in but genuinely didn’t want to. I was my time. They are now 20, 18, 17 and 15. I still don’t feel bad at turning them down. Don’t beat yourself up because you did what is right for you.

Far from being unreasonable you are being very sensible by letting your family know how you feel right from the start. Once you are committing yourself to childcare it is not always easy or well received if you want to make changes or stop altogether. None of us are getting any younger and we no longer have the energy needed for looking after boisterous youngsters.
I am a hands on Granny (78) but I am looking forward to the youngest GC going to secondary school this September and finally saying goodbye to school pick ups giving me some more time for myself.

Twelve years ago we said an immediate no to our son and partner and it was met with some frostiness and total amazement.
Her mum gave up work to do several days a week for them. They wanted us to share this but we were both working and frankly 🤷‍♀️...
It took them no time at all to get over the "no" and find a really lovely childminder and later a nursery to share the job. They didn't ask when babies 2 and 3 came along.

I love all 7 of our grandchildren dearly (and have spent weeks abroad to help in an emergency situation at one point) but day-by-day we would have said "no".

The first grandchild in our family is an adult now. The youngest is a pre-schooler.
If we had started with the first would we still be doing it a quarter of a century later?


You can truly love, and be loved without doing this.
❤️
You love them and they must love you to have asked the question.
I think just be honest. All will be well.

eddiecat78

If you can afford it you could offer to pay for a day or 2 in nursery instead.
This is what we did. We didn't want to be tied to regular childcare but said we would step in if there was an emergency

Why on earth should she do that? Have the kids? Pay for the kids.

I was in my 50s when I looked after my GS. I was energetic and strong. I am now 76 and often tired and have lost a lot of my strength. I would definitely not have the confidence to look after a little one. I would be afraid of dropping him or not being able to chase after him. Nor would I trust myself not to doze off!

boo12
It's not your job to sort out who your dil leaves her baby with.
Except to say not you.
Just Say No.
You can't do it.
That's all.
As they say on MN
No is a complete sentence.
All the best.