Childminding by grandmothers

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Looking after a toddler of that age, especially if they are particularly active, is not an easy task and I'm not even sure I'd be up to it these days, and I'm a good few years younger than you.

You're not comfortable with this and you don't want to do it so you are not being remotely unreasonable in refusing this request.
I'm roughly your age and it would tire me out.
I'd do them the occasional favour e.g. if they are going out and can't get a babysitter or in an emergency but that would be it from me.
And I do mean occasional.

I think you know your limitations and it is up to you to decide whether or not you want to do this. They shouldn't have assumed that this would be okay.

If they have well paid jobs, they at least have the option of paying for external childcare.

No you’re not being unreasonable, my BIL and SIL had the same dilemma, almost the same situation. They said no, it was a bit frosty for a time bit the parents did come up with another solution.

That is a big commitment especially if you have travel time too.
The other gran is 10 years younger and married, so assume it woukd be two of them which makes a lot of difference.
At 76 they are expecting too much from you , you have your life to enjoy after working a lifetime presumably.
As has been said, be there ‘as and when’ on an occasional basis, but a commitment of two days a week can be very tiring when you are older and doing it all on your own.
Finding a nursery shouldn’t be a problem especially if they are in well paid jobs.

Ten years younger can mean a lot, health and energy wise, I am the same age as you and though I have done my share of childminding in the past I couldn’t do it now, am struggling physically to care for my
DH, is just not the same as we get older. Well done you for saying this at the get-go are so many posts on here from GNs who said yes then ended up really struggling.
Stick to your guns, they will get over it, and enjoy being with your GC without being exhausted.

If you can afford it you could offer to pay for a day or 2 in nursery instead.
This is what we did. We didn't want to be tied to regular childcare but said we would step in if there was an emergency

Of course you're not being completely unreasonable Jules they've asked and you've declined.

No, my eldest GC’s other granny and Grandpa similarly refused to take on a regular childminding commitment. They were a bit older than me but very fit and would sometimes have both boys (once no.2 arrived) for a night but as the granny said, if you commit you have to be reliable and at our age, who knows what might happen.
I agreed to do an early nursery pick up one day a week, playtime, teatime, bath and bed so that DD could put in a late day at the office. I used to stay overnight and, so that she could be at her desk by 8, I would see to GS in the morning, take him to nursery by 9.30 and then be on the road home (1 1/2 hrs) . SIL was often gone by 6.30 so I think it helped. I could not commit to more but enjoyed this time with GS and 15 years later I suppose I do actually feel closer to him than the other 5 grandchildren.
Too many grandparents seem to be willing martyrs to their AC and grandchildren- of course we want to help especially in an emergency but one has to be realistic too. If they can afford childcare, why not, but of course if finances are tight one might feel differently.

Fallingstar

Ten years younger can mean a lot, health and energy wise, I am the same age as you and though I have done my share of childminding in the past I couldn’t do it now, am struggling physically to care for my
DH, is just not the same as we get older. Well done you for saying this at the get-go are so many posts on here from GNs who said yes then ended up really struggling.
Stick to your guns, they will get over it, and enjoy being with your GC without being exhausted.

Totally agree with you there. We looked after my GS on an almost fulltime basis for almost two years from when he was two - and it was hard work. Under the circumstances -my son and GS were living with us and son worked shifts - we had no option, but I couldn't do that now.

I think you are right to refuse. Over a certain age it's not easy looking after an active toddler. Not fair on you or the child.
From age 60 I looked after two of my GCs for the next twelve years. I wouldn't have felt able to take that on at age 76.

I too think you are right to refuse. We looked after our first grandchildren for one day a week before they started school. But when another grandchild arrived 10 years later I had to say I couldn't manage it . I just didn't feel confident, those ten years make a real difference. My daughter understood ( I think!)

You could say " I can't do it in your house( for the above reasons) .

Or you might also say " I can't promise a regular schedule day care, but I could do an occasional day or overnight stay at short notice, in my own home.

IF you can childproof your own home into a very safe and comfortable place so that any visits to you are as stressfree and happy as possible for you and GC.

What right have parents to expect grandparents to do child care, no matter what the age of the grandparent?

They should just be grovelling grateful if the grand parents will do any of it.

Agree with Monica.

I did childcare for two of my grandchildren one day a week from one year old until they went to school. I also picked up from nursery occasionally and minded for an hour until my daughter arrived home. I enjoyed it but could do no more as I was still working part time. At age 76 no I would not do it.

Definitely not.
When my son asked me to look after his kids, I felt no guilt in refusing. I was already committed to looking after my daughter’s kids. I was divorced and working part-time. Though I was much younger than you at the time, I just couldn’t do it.
I think they were a bit miffed, but eventually understood

I couldn’t have done it if I was 76 - no way.

Forgive me if I am wrong but aren’t parents entitled to about 30 hours free childcare in England ( if that is where you live Jules777). Do look at the .Gov website. If that is the case it would solve the problem.

I looked after my eldest GD for a year ...onr day a werk...I was 51 ....it was fine...I'm 61 now...I only have them when it suits...for tea aftershock or weekends overnight ...thats my lot...I have 3 GD now ...I couldnt commit to any more care

I looked after my grandsons occasionally when they were babies/toddlers. I was much younger then but still only did it because my partner helped me. I’m 74 now and sometimes go to my sons to look after his two ( 8&11) and often nod off on the sofa so it’s a good job that they’re quite sensible. My son asks me to take them to the playground and doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t walk these days.

Good for you for saying ‘no’ at the outset. Much better than trying and having to say ‘sorry, no can do’ a few weeks in.

I know the difference ten years can make as that is the gap between my two sets of Gchn - I simply don’t have the same energy for the younger two.

My DS and DIL were very tired when they both returned to full time work so we have the children overnight once a fortnight. They appreciate a night of uninterrupted sleep!

You are not being unreasonable at all and to be honest, they’re both in well paid jobs so tell them to pay for professional childcare where their little one can play and be entertained in a safe and stimulating environment.
Enjoy your senior years Jules.

Iv had to be very strict .
It’s our own fault . Love the little one but dil just turns up expecting a night out and I’m in organ failure😥
I say yes as I don’t know who she would leave her with . I feel for you xx

ViceVersa

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Looking after a toddler of that age, especially if they are particularly active, is not an easy task and I'm not even sure I'd be up to it these days, and I'm a good few years younger than you.

Also The other gran may struggle in her 60s . If they have children they need to sort childcare. I don’t mind being emergency but I’m ill and plan on enjoying my last years .