Childminding by grandmothers

boo12

Iv had to be very strict .
It’s our own fault . Love the little one but dil just turns up expecting a night out and I’m in organ failure😥
I say yes as I don’t know who she would leave her with . I feel for you xx

Boo did I understand that correctly? Are you in organ failure and your DIL just turns up expecting a night out? What!? I feel for you.

As far as the OP goes, you are not being unreasonable. Offering to help out on an ad hoc basis is reasonable. I’m continually amazed at parents who take it for granted that grandparents will do another round of child rearing, because that’s more or less what is expected. (Of course, if you wish to or choose to or there is no other option, that’s a different matter).

No, I think Jules did mean 2.5 months, not years, as the parents will both be going back to work after leave entitlements when the baby is 11.5 months old.

You said 2.5 months old - presumably you meant years?

In any case IMO at 76 you are perfectly entitled to decline. I was 67 when the eldest Gdc was born, I did one day a week then (willingly!) but I wouldn’t do it now at 77 - I do get more tired. I don’t think relatively young parents realise how much more tiring childcare can be when you’re getting on a bit.

And I well remember even at 67 being worried about dropping baby Gdd when coming down the stairs, or e.g. having a stroke while I was watching her in the bath, etc!

GDc2 arrived only 15 months after his sister, and even then I knew two would be too much. We helped with nursery costs instead, and yes, I know we were fortunate to be able to do so.

Am I being completely unreasonable, or are they being naive to imagine that it would be an easy matter for me to mind an active toddler on my own at the age of 76?

You are not at all unreasonable.

I am giving a wry smile because yes, they are naïve as they have have no experience - yet - of looking after a toddler.

No, not unreasonable. Let them be put out.

'Let them be glad as easily as they got mad' - so says daughter3.

Not your baby, not your problem to solve.

How do you know how difficult it is to carry a suitcase up their stairs???

This told me all I needed to know.

I am entirely with you on this. I am the same age as you and although DH and I looked after DD’s twins one day a week in our early sixties, I certainly couldn’t do it now.

Be assured that it is the parents who are being unreasonable. And also apparently have no idea of how much effort goes into looking after a young child especially when they become mobile and you have to be constantly on alert.

It's not a good idea in several ways.

You will be 80 before the child starts school. Having responsibility for a baby and small child at your age could, quite honestly, be quite risky. Are you supposed to travel to their house too?
I don't like spiral staircases even without carrying a baby.

As you are on your own too, I would say this is an absolute no and I think they are expecting far too much for you to take on this responsibility. If you were much younger it could be very enjoyable but, putting it bluntly, you aren't.

I hope it goes well when you tell them and you are able to enjoy your grandchild sometimes - when they are there too.

beststartinlife.gov.uk/childcare-early-years-education/15-and-30-hours-support/working-families/eligibility/

This is the current funding available.

I looked after my daughter's two from the time I was 6o until I was about 72. At 79 I am still providing occasional lifts for them. IT was all great fun, but I wouldn't want to start with a baby at 76. It isn't selfish, it's sensible.

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I am now reassured that I have the absolute right to decline to become an unpaid childminder at the age!

I assume they considered child care before they had the baby?

They should pay for a nursery or use the free places with additional wrap around care.

We are, we think, fortunate in living far enough away from our DGC not to have been asked to do regular child care, but close enough that we could do emergency help. We did our bit by looking after our own children and think that it's up to parents to arrange care for their own children.

Recently met a former colleague who is in her late 50s or early 60s and looks after her 16-month-old DGD on one day a week while working the other weekdays. While she loves her DGD, she finds that exhausting enough!

ViceVersa

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Looking after a toddler of that age, especially if they are particularly active, is not an easy task and I'm not even sure I'd be up to it these days, and I'm a good few years younger than you.

Also The other gran may struggle in her 60s . If they have children they need to sort childcare. I don’t mind being emergency but I’m ill and plan on enjoying my last years .

Iv had to be very strict .
It’s our own fault . Love the little one but dil just turns up expecting a night out and I’m in organ failure😥
I say yes as I don’t know who she would leave her with . I feel for you xx

You are not being unreasonable at all and to be honest, they’re both in well paid jobs so tell them to pay for professional childcare where their little one can play and be entertained in a safe and stimulating environment.
Enjoy your senior years Jules.

Good for you for saying ‘no’ at the outset. Much better than trying and having to say ‘sorry, no can do’ a few weeks in.

I know the difference ten years can make as that is the gap between my two sets of Gchn - I simply don’t have the same energy for the younger two.

My DS and DIL were very tired when they both returned to full time work so we have the children overnight once a fortnight. They appreciate a night of uninterrupted sleep!

I looked after my grandsons occasionally when they were babies/toddlers. I was much younger then but still only did it because my partner helped me. I’m 74 now and sometimes go to my sons to look after his two ( 8&11) and often nod off on the sofa so it’s a good job that they’re quite sensible. My son asks me to take them to the playground and doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t walk these days.

I looked after my eldest GD for a year ...onr day a werk...I was 51 ....it was fine...I'm 61 now...I only have them when it suits...for tea aftershock or weekends overnight ...thats my lot...I have 3 GD now ...I couldnt commit to any more care

Forgive me if I am wrong but aren’t parents entitled to about 30 hours free childcare in England ( if that is where you live Jules777). Do look at the .Gov website. If that is the case it would solve the problem.

I couldn’t have done it if I was 76 - no way.

Definitely not.
When my son asked me to look after his kids, I felt no guilt in refusing. I was already committed to looking after my daughter’s kids. I was divorced and working part-time. Though I was much younger than you at the time, I just couldn’t do it.
I think they were a bit miffed, but eventually understood

Agree with Monica.

I did childcare for two of my grandchildren one day a week from one year old until they went to school. I also picked up from nursery occasionally and minded for an hour until my daughter arrived home. I enjoyed it but could do no more as I was still working part time. At age 76 no I would not do it.

What right have parents to expect grandparents to do child care, no matter what the age of the grandparent?

They should just be grovelling grateful if the grand parents will do any of it.