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AIBU

Just so upset

(52 Posts)
Narnia Thu 23-Apr-26 22:49:45

So our Daughter gets married on Saturday, very low key. Registrar then a meal for family and a few friends. It's what she wants, they have 2 children.
Its taken me a long time to find something that i feel ok wearing. I never wear dresses, makeup etc
I found a dress that i felt ok in, and everyone seemed to like it on me.
I acknowledge that I'm overweight and unfit, I've tried to address this in the past months but ended up injuring my knee making me so much worse.
We are midst of a lot of upheaval on the house and massively behind schedule. Originally i wanted to move, my Husband didn't.
I said tonight i really wish we had moved as things aren't going to plan and now both of our health isn't great (he's had an injury to his back)
He, i suppose retaliated saying we are only 60 and shouldn't be feeling we need a bungalow for health reasons.
He then said we need to get fitter (agreed) but then said I'm worse as i "REALLY" need to lose weight.
This may be the case, but I'm so upset.
He knows it's been a struggle for me to find something i feel semi ok in for the wedding. Now i just feel like I'm going to look like a fat horrible mess.
He's apologised and said it came out wrong, but I'm so hurt and dreading Saturday.

Sago Fri 24-Apr-26 10:59:00

If you want weight loss injections then do it.

It is your body, not your husbands.

Please go and see your doctor after the wedding.

sixandahalf Fri 24-Apr-26 11:23:35

Narnia

Just read all your lovely messages, thank you!
I tried on so many things and this was the only thing i put on and felt "nice"
I never wear dresses or makeup so the whole thing is way out of my comfort zone .
I have got a hair and makeup apt tomorrow.
I have had a very serious back condition in the past, which has caused a lot of nerve damage and linited mobility. I have been trying to exercise and was feeling much stronger, then i injured my knee and now I'm in a worse position than previously!
When we first knew about the wedding, less than a year ago i said i would like to go to ask about weightloss injections, DH went mad and said absolutely not (he still says the same)
My gorgeous Grandchildren 6 and 3 I'm sure will be excited to see me in dress as they never do!
I will put my big knickers on (literally) and enjoy the day 🩷

Top tip Narnia, Easy on the makeup!

Look forward to pics ( with scribble on your head for fear of identification!)

Narnia Fri 24-Apr-26 12:07:37

Oh for sure, easy on the makeup!
I can always smell it on my face🤢
Definitely going to be saying very light please !

Oreo Fri 24-Apr-26 12:13:58

Luckygirl3

It all sounds a stressful time.

Please try and put it all behind you tomorrow and throw yourself into enjoying the wedding day. You will look wonderful if you smile and fill your DD's day with love. Forget what you look like and rejoice in your DD finding a good partner and committing herself to him publicly with those she loves around her.

She is not inviting you because you are slim, but because she loves you and wants your support on her special day.

Losing weight can be a soul-destroying enterprise for everyone and can make people very sensitive and inclined to interpret any comments about it super-negatively when this might not be how they were meant - there can simply be concern for your well-being. Your OH has said it came out wrong (and maybe you interpreted it a bit wrong too).

You have no reason at all to dread tomorrow and every reason to be happy for your DD on this super day. She does not want you there being miserable!!

You have some challenges but do not focus these on this important day.

Enjoy the day and save future planning on slimming/moving/future moves for later. This is going to be your day off from all those concerns!

I am sure it will be a joyful occasion.

What a lovely, and sensible answer 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
For anyone on here who considers themselves a ‘larger lady’ I can tell you as I have made many dresses and alterations for clients in the past, that a dress that skims your curves, rather than clings or is a vast tent is the ideal.
Comfortable low heels in shoes or sandals is a must and so is a confident outlook.

Cossy Fri 24-Apr-26 12:15:47

Sago

If you want weight loss injections then do it.

It is your body, not your husbands.

Please go and see your doctor after the wedding.

Yes, you must do exactly what you need to do for you! Have you been tested for type two diabetes?

Oreo Fri 24-Apr-26 12:16:22

Narnia a low heels of say one and a half to two inches will help your back problem on the day much better than flats.

LucyAnna5 Fri 24-Apr-26 12:35:12

Sounds to me like your husband is quite concerned about your health, hence his comments re weight and not wanting you to take the risk of having weight loss injections (but is not coming across as very tactful!).
Having your hair and make up done will boost your confidence tomorrow.
Enjoy the day!

Luckygirl3 Fri 24-Apr-26 14:46:42

I am so glad that you have resolved to enjoy the day...
That's the way to go!
Don't feel obliged to have a hairdo or makeup that do not feel like "you" .... comfort above all!
Come back and tell.us all.abpit the day ...

Allira Fri 24-Apr-26 16:03:39

I found a dress that i felt ok in, and everyone seemed to like it on me.
You felt happy and confident in that dress so it will be absolutely fine! Once you have your hair and makeup done too (less is more!) you'll feel much more confident.

Husbands can put both feet in it sometimes and you're both having a stressful time with moving at the moment.

Go and enjoy yourself.
Everyone will be looking at the bride anyway!! 😀

Madgran77 Fri 24-Apr-26 16:30:09

Your daughter wants you there as her lovely Mum. And your grandchildren will love it seeing you. And hour husband knows it was tactless.

Go and enjoy the day. Afterwards you and hubby probably need a long chat about the realities of your situation together; how he feels; how you feel; lots of listening to each other. Then develop a plan together and agree how each of you can support each other going forward to put the mutual plan into action. 💐

Gran22boys Fri 24-Apr-26 17:33:46

I agree about pretty scarves and jewellery. I bet you will look great and, as someone said, all eyes will be on the bride anyway. Have a wonderful day and a few drinks to help you relax.

Wyllow3 Fri 24-Apr-26 17:44:02

What all say flowers
And was going to say, "book a light make up and hair".

Then what madgran says

"Go and enjoy the day. Afterwards you and hubby probably need a long chat about the realities of your situation together; how he feels; how you feel; lots of listening to each other. Then develop a plan together and agree how each of you can support each other going forward to put the mutual plan into action"

kathw12 Sat 25-Apr-26 15:22:30

I don’t normally comment but felt I couldn’t pass by!
Dear narnia I really felt for you! I hope you’ve had the most wonderful day seeing your beloved daughter get married.
With regard to the weight loss injections I second trying them..15 months ago I was very overweight actually I was obese. I’ve lost almost 5stone and my health has improved no end. I paid privately it’s been worth every penny..as someone has said it’s your body your health your decision.
All the best 💕x

LucyAnna5 Sat 25-Apr-26 15:33:06

Hope you had / are having a lovely day, Narnia.

Narnia Sat 25-Apr-26 21:43:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Luckygirl3 Sat 25-Apr-26 21:45:10

So pleased it was a good day!

Narnia Sat 25-Apr-26 21:45:57

Picture hasn't cropped, and i can't delete!

rafichagran Sat 25-Apr-26 21:51:06

You look lovely Narnia

Grannydaisy1 Sat 25-Apr-26 21:58:24

You look beautiful narnia really pleased you had a lovely day. Lots of memories made

Purplepixie Sat 25-Apr-26 22:04:07

Oh I missed the picture

Wyllow3 Sat 25-Apr-26 22:16:52

@ me too x

Macaydia Sat 25-Apr-26 23:02:18

Yes, do that because the day is not about what you wear. It's about your wonderful heart and person being invited to witness the forever union of the bride and groom. The day is about them. You already had your day some time ago. Be a lovely guest. It's a celebration.

sixandahalf Sun 26-Apr-26 08:56:04

Please repost a pic when you get 5 Narnia?

tavini444 Mon 04-May-26 19:24:20

It’s incredibly painful when family doesn't show the same level of care or effort that you’ve put in over the years. You aren't being unreasonable to feel let down, but sometimes we have to step back and protect our own peace of mind when the appreciation isn't there.

Catterygirl Mon 04-May-26 23:08:45

I am short at 5ft 2in. Told all my life that I’m enormous. I’ve always weighed less than 10 stone except when I was in a wheelchair for a short time. I recently went down to 8 stone due to lack of appetite and looked dreadful, gaunt. I’m now back to 10 stone and I am happy.