Saying but Not Doing . Why?

Your friend is clearly anxious about displeasing you. She wants you to enjoy the visit and is afraid you are not going to like it, or be too expensive. Why not help her out by suggesting to her lets wait until the day and then see where we fancy going. It doesnt have to be somewhere you need to book in advance or anywhere posh. You are there to have a catch up.

This will be my last word here. I joined GN March 2019.
And I post on multi threads. Didn't search very well .
Plus large number of names here never seen before.

Or you only like threads where you think you can pick on people. I fight back and defend people who can't do it for themselves.

Op - how did it go?

To the OP, I do think that some older people become more dithering as time goes on.Maybe time for you to take control of the meeting and be firm?

Whiff I haven’t seen your name before, not that it matters, but a quick search shows Barbadosbelle was posting a year or so ago with the same spelling btw.
It’s very wrong of you to insinuate that she may be a troll!

Barbadosbelle

Whiff

Sadly, you come across as being a rather hard and unsympathetic person - and possibly/probably rather difficult to get on with or please.
.

I agree. I would never tolerate anyone dictating how a friendship should be.
You come across as dictatorial, bossy and a bit full of yourself. I can't stand people like that.

argymargy

Whiff that sort of comment to Barbadosbelle is why people complain about unwelcoming cliques on GN. So what if you haven’t seen her posts before? We were all new here once - even you!

I quite agree. Babadosbelle has posted for quite some time, Whiff may be the new poster here (or I have never seen that name).

Why does name recognition matter?

Poppyred

What was the outcome FlyingAiryFairy?

I dither, it's very difficult for me to make plans or decisions.

I do hope you'll tell us a happy outcome, OP.

Early dementia is a thought...

Petra .Barbados Belle has been a member of GN . Search came back no Barbadosbelle. Different spellings. Many people have been caught out by trolls changing a letter from capital to lower case of a different number in the name. They think they are answering a an established member its has happen to at least 6 members who have been here over a decade.

Thankfully GNHQ banned them.

What makes you think I won't fight back if someone attacks my character.

Petra you have been on GN long enough to know what happens on here. And like me known people who have left because of bullying. And eventually come back under a different name when they felt safe.

Poppyred

What was the outcome FlyingAiryFairy?

Yes, I was wondering that too, please come back and tell us !

What was the outcome FlyingAiryFairy?

It sounds as if those were indeed a lot of suggestions that she has been too worried to go with. If she has never been so diffident and repetitive before, it would make me wonder if her reactions are an indication of a cognitive problem... Hard to tell unless you know her very well.

I suppose these things are a spectrum. A bit like punctuality. It amazes me sometimes how different people are and how (unecessarily) complex life has become.
We all have a limited amount of time and energy.

Dementia - just a thought.

argymargy

Whiff that sort of comment to Barbadosbelle is why people complain about unwelcoming cliques on GN. So what if you haven’t seen her posts before? We were all new here once - even you!

Before making that comment a quick search would have shown that Barbadosbelle has been a member since at least 2024.

Whiff that sort of comment to Barbadosbelle is why people complain about unwelcoming cliques on GN. So what if you haven’t seen her posts before? We were all new here once - even you!

Whiff I know you have your way and you have your reasons I totally respect that, but to someone outside of your back story I think your treatment of your friend would cone over as extremely harsh.
I personally would never treat someone by saying if your personality doesn’t fit into my way, you’re out, and that’s basically what you did with your long term cat friend.
You seem a very black and white person, no middle ground, no negotiation, my way or the highway !! We could never be friends ( and I can hear you saying well I wouldn’t want to be 🤣) I would bend over backwards to try and accommodate a friend
Back to the original story FlyingAireyFairy she’s terrified of getting it wrong so don’t put decisions in her hands in future it’s an “abc sounds a nice place let’s go there, boom boom”, no ifs and buts. She can’t make decisions because she ll feel it’s on her if no one likes it . She lacks confidence for whatever reason

Forget it, meet up and enjoy it

Barbadosbelle thanks a lot but you don't know me. Also never seen your name on any threads before.

But think what you like free country .

I agree with Butter and Jam. It was my first thought when I read the post. Beginnings of dementia. Finding decision making difficult. Think about this when you meet up. See if there are any signs?

fluttERBY123

BoggledMind

I think your friend is just worried she will disappoint you and is keen to get it right.

Fallingstar's advice about getting your other friend to speak to her about it sounds really good.

Agree. She is panicked sbout getting things wrong or didn't look at prices in the first place. Patience!!!

Agreed, anxious to please desperate for approval etc. I like go to her place and get a take away, except poor you, she will fret about which take-away 🙄

I agree with DeeAitch.

Repeating the same topic/ query ( and no awareness of doing it) is a common early symptom of dementia.

Sounds to me that the mutual friend is confused and not sure of herself, is this normal for her or do you think it’s a recent trait? If a new thing for her I’d be worried that maybe she’s unwell or perhaps something going on with her cognitive abilities
#just a thought

I would give it a miss.

It is very annoying. If your friend has not always been like this, perhaps something is changing with age or illness. Or perhaps she has always been neurologically diverse but has become less good at masking it. She may be suffering from an anxiety state or from attention deficit. Whatever it is, I don't think you can do much to organize things for her. Best not to get too upset yourself. Perhaps you and your other friend could arrange a time and venue and let her know. And then she might make it or not and might treat you or not.

Barbadosbelle

Whiff

Sadly, you come across as being a rather hard and unsympathetic person - and possibly/probably rather difficult to get on with or please.
.

I believe in fluidity, to flow one way or the other depending on where the natural balance lies. Shades of grey as opposed to black and white. We are all different and we all function in different ways.