Saying but Not Doing . Why?

How very annoying!

To sum up she suggested 7 different places & I didn't say no to any!
But she just keeps asking what I think of other places. So trying to be helpful I looked at the menus & reviews & it's been a waste of my time.
If it goes ahead tomorrow I will gently ask why it was so hard to decide.
Strangely she hasn't asked our other friend where she'd like to go at all!

Ask your other friend to call or text her about this, you have done your best but this friend sounds a bit like one of my DDs who always dithers over decisions, is very annoying. And if you arrive tomorrow with nothing booked go to her place and order take away!!

I think your friend is just worried she will disappoint you and is keen to get it right.

Fallingstar's advice about getting your other friend to speak to her about it sounds really good.

Thank you.
I've been going on so much to my partner about this & I just needed a vent & see if any of you have experienced this.
Perhaps she is anxious not to disappoint.
But we are very easy going.

I did ring other friend but she said & she doesn't want to ring her or get into all the texting either!

Fallingstar

Ask your other friend to call or text her about this, you have done your best but this friend sounds a bit like one of my DDs who always dithers over decisions, is very annoying. And if you arrive tomorrow with nothing booked go to her place and order take away!!

I like that idea

If it was me I wouldn't bother seeing her . I hate people who can't make up there mind. If I say I am going to do something no matter how ill or how bad my mobility is I do it.
Best explain I was born disabled but didn't have a diagnosis until 2022 aged 63. I worked out when I was at junior school my life runs on planning and routine..Especially since my health got worse in 1988.

A person asked if we could be friends in 2018 and explained how my life worked and if she let me down I did tell her then I would end the friendship. We where friends for 5 years meeting each week . I moved to the north west 2019 . Still kept in touch and she came to stay with me for 5 days . Then the following year was going to stay again but one of her cats was ill she had 6. So she cancelled 2 weeks before coming . The cats where her family. We rearranged her stay for 2 months later but I did warn her if she cancelled again unless it was an emergency then our friendship was over as I had explained how my life worked.

Well she cancelled a month before coming because she changed her mind so I told her our friendship was over. I would never contact her again and blocked her.

But what got me was she still put the cats in the cattery as it was booked I had assumed she stayed home with the ill one . But no she told me she put all 6 cats in the cattery and the woman who run it took the cat to the vets. And how lovely it was cat free for 6 days.

When I told her our friendship was over she cried but I told her I had warned her how my life works and she said she understood. She was divorced for a long time ,no children, older than me by 2 years no human dependants just 6 cats . She drove and never had money worries.

I know this sounds harsh but friends and family know how my life works. If I join a group ,was member of 4 but due to passive bullying I left the group 4 days later after talking to leaders for the other groups about the things 2 of the admin came to see me about. They where appalled by what they said to me and all 3 leaders hugged me and said but you are you and go out of your way to help people and my disability wasn't an issue .

I go every meeting and always early . When I book things I do it well in advance. May sound nuts but booked my May holiday2027 in May this year. Booked 5 concerts for next year so far one ,isn't until November 2027.

I hate it when people can't make up their minds . I can't be the only one who's life runs like mine.

Perhaps the heat is affecting her. Perhaps she is developing anxiety issues. Perhaps it could be the start of 'something'. At our age, I always tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. A lot will depend is she usually does this or if it is a new thing.

Sometimes I think texting is a nightmare! Years ago, a simple arrangement would have worked fine.

And as for What'sApp groups.........

BoggledMind

I think your friend is just worried she will disappoint you and is keen to get it right.

Fallingstar's advice about getting your other friend to speak to her about it sounds really good.

Agree. She is panicked sbout getting things wrong or didn't look at prices in the first place. Patience!!!

Whiff

Sadly, you come across as being a rather hard and unsympathetic person - and possibly/probably rather difficult to get on with or please.
.

I agree with you SpinDrift. Life and arrangements as we get older can be overwhelming or due to a variety of different feelings. I have a DF who lives a long distance from me now. She sometimes texts and says 'I was thinking of coming to see you' we arrange a date but she usually texts nearer the time and backs out of it. I personally think she gets very anxious so I just accept it. It can be a bit exasperating so I understand how it has made you feel Airyfairy. It just seems a lot like hard work. Also Barbadosbelle it is understandable with a disability that you need to be highly organised. I guess your friend knows that, so maybe, if you value the friendship you could give her a gentle reminder and start again.

I think I'd just tell the dithery friend that, since she can't make up her mind, I'll be going to the venue that I booked and she's welcome to join me there.

Do you think your friend is just very uncertain and wants to please you both

I agree with Barbadosbelle I would not want to be friends under the terms and conditions Whiff was talking about

Barbadosbelle

Whiff

Sadly, you come across as being a rather hard and unsympathetic person - and possibly/probably rather difficult to get on with or please.
.

I believe in fluidity, to flow one way or the other depending on where the natural balance lies. Shades of grey as opposed to black and white. We are all different and we all function in different ways.

It is very annoying. If your friend has not always been like this, perhaps something is changing with age or illness. Or perhaps she has always been neurologically diverse but has become less good at masking it. She may be suffering from an anxiety state or from attention deficit. Whatever it is, I don't think you can do much to organize things for her. Best not to get too upset yourself. Perhaps you and your other friend could arrange a time and venue and let her know. And then she might make it or not and might treat you or not.

I would give it a miss.

Sounds to me that the mutual friend is confused and not sure of herself, is this normal for her or do you think it’s a recent trait? If a new thing for her I’d be worried that maybe she’s unwell or perhaps something going on with her cognitive abilities
#just a thought

I agree with DeeAitch.

Repeating the same topic/ query ( and no awareness of doing it) is a common early symptom of dementia.

fluttERBY123

BoggledMind

I think your friend is just worried she will disappoint you and is keen to get it right.

Fallingstar's advice about getting your other friend to speak to her about it sounds really good.

Agree. She is panicked sbout getting things wrong or didn't look at prices in the first place. Patience!!!

Agreed, anxious to please desperate for approval etc. I like go to her place and get a take away, except poor you, she will fret about which take-away 🙄

I agree with Butter and Jam. It was my first thought when I read the post. Beginnings of dementia. Finding decision making difficult. Think about this when you meet up. See if there are any signs?

Barbadosbelle thanks a lot but you don't know me. Also never seen your name on any threads before.

But think what you like free country .

Whiff I know you have your way and you have your reasons I totally respect that, but to someone outside of your back story I think your treatment of your friend would cone over as extremely harsh.
I personally would never treat someone by saying if your personality doesn’t fit into my way, you’re out, and that’s basically what you did with your long term cat friend.
You seem a very black and white person, no middle ground, no negotiation, my way or the highway !! We could never be friends ( and I can hear you saying well I wouldn’t want to be 🤣) I would bend over backwards to try and accommodate a friend
Back to the original story FlyingAireyFairy she’s terrified of getting it wrong so don’t put decisions in her hands in future it’s an “abc sounds a nice place let’s go there, boom boom”, no ifs and buts. She can’t make decisions because she ll feel it’s on her if no one likes it . She lacks confidence for whatever reason

Forget it, meet up and enjoy it

Whiff that sort of comment to Barbadosbelle is why people complain about unwelcoming cliques on GN. So what if you haven’t seen her posts before? We were all new here once - even you!