Family don't pitch in and help

Allocate chores etc then just sit back.

Stop hosting all together. They will realise and ask why. When they ask why, tell them it's far too much work because you have to buy all the stuff, do all the prep, then do all the clean up afterwards because nobody pitches in, so you've decided not to do it anymore.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

They aren’t as interested/invested in these gatherings as much as you. Shame but there it is.

You can do one of two things.

Dial back the thought/care/preparation/expense by not only keeping it simple but minimalist too. Crisps and nibbles, pizzas in the oven for everyone
Or
Accept the situation.

I know what I’d do.

Option/Choice 3
Stop hosting these events and tell them it’s someone else’s turn to arrange

I'd just stop inviting them and brace myself for the inevitable whinging and whining.

Pulling the Welcome mat from under their feet might jolt them into the realisation that they are selfish and complacent. It may even make them feel ashamed of taking you for granted.

Some hope!

I think Dancingduck has danced off.

I wish my daughters who live nearby would help me more. They will do a specific job if asked but I don’t think I ever cross their minds unless I contact them.
However, when we had a real emergency they all rallied round, did everything necessary and worked together.
I try to remember that, rather than the very little I’ve ever had in return for the many years of childcare I gave them.

V3ra

Here you are ExDancer:

www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/groceries/occasions-by-sainsburys/all-food/c:1046172?searchRedirect=true&ost=sainsburys%20party%20platter

It tells you by each item how far ahead you have to order it, eg our kiwi, watermelon and mango fruit skewers had to be ordered no later than 5 days ahead.

Excellent suggestion if you're happy to continue to host at your house Dancing Duck? The food looks nice and ready to serve. Someone else suggested bin bags plastic cutlery, paper plates etc so could easily be added to the order to save on washing up/clearing up on the day. Or you purchase and detract cost from your online shop contribution.

You could send the link to all the family and invite them to nominate a person ( they could take it in turns?) to organise the order in context of food choices and preferences. Once everyone has agreed the food choices another person asks for everyone's proportional contribution, then once received makes the order on line with you to collect/receive online delivery at a time convenient to you.

This goes a long way to reducing your burden, sharing costs fairly, sharing the organisation and keeping the family get togethers going. If your family disagree with this fair suggestion are they really keen on the get togethers in the first place?

Don't bother with it all. It sounds like you are undervalued and not respected. I would stop doing it all.

Here you are ExDancer:

www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/groceries/occasions-by-sainsburys/all-food/c:1046172?searchRedirect=true&ost=sainsburys%20party%20platter

It tells you by each item how far ahead you have to order it, eg our kiwi, watermelon and mango fruit skewers had to be ordered no later than 5 days ahead.

Tell them you cannot do it any longer and if they want a gathering next time one of them can arrange it. You will give them some money towards it.

I don't think you're right AJKW at least not in my case. I'd like to have done more but simply couldn't compete against my sister's catering competence and managing manner..

Astitchintime

Do it ‘pot luck style’………allocate everyone a dish to bring, whether they buy or cook is up to them…….and ask them to bring cutlery and crockery too. I know it sounds extreme but they might just get the message and when the6 take home their own pots etc you’ll only have your own to wash up! Sorted!

Wise idea.

In my experience those who do the least continue to do the least in every aspect of life. I think it is a built in mindset they have.
Slow cut down on the amount of gatherings, until they are more manageable. You could always suggest that as you get older these events are less manageable.

If family parties are a nightmare then don't have them ...

Do you have to order these Party Platters in advance? I've never seen any on display in the stores mentioned. They sound like a splendid idea.

Nandalot

M and S do lovely pre ordered party platters. Everyone to share in the cost.

We had really nice party food platters from Sainsbury's for my Dad's 90th family birthday party.
Sandwiches, little pastries, profiteroles, and some lovely fresh fruit skewers which were extremely popular!
My husband organised a large rectangular cake from Asda which had Dad's photo printed on it (with an amusing caption!).
Not expensive but very tasty.

monami

It's quite simple, stop having the parties

That is cutting off your nose to spite your face, and if carried out over everything people do that is less than perfect, it could end up with you seeing no friends and no family.

Finding a way to still see them all but without the hassle would be better. The possible answers range from eating out and making sure the expense is spared to threatening to stop holding the parties unless others put in some effort.

It's quite simple, stop having the parties

Just say no, they expect it because you continue to do it.

Take it out of your home. It summer. Arrange a family picnic in the park. Everyone brings what they want to eat and some outdoor games. In winter find a family friendly restaurant.

From my lovely mother in law.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

“Please others and you displease yourself” comes to mind.

That’s a good one 👍🏻I haven’t heard that before!

Agree with tworedroses

I would wait until another meet up is suggested and say that would be great but I'm afraid someone else will have to host this time, I've done my fair share and it's a lot of work, shopping /prepping/ clearing up afterwards etc and I am working full time so it's very difficult to do all of this without any help from anybody except (sister's name) who also works full time. See what happens then, will anyone take up the challenge, if not then they they aren't as invested as you in these events so it's up to you whether you continue or not.

Newatthis

the same happens to me. I orepare all the food, do all the washing up afterwards. When I did ask one sister to help her response was a firm no with the justification that she doesn't do anything when she's on holiday! This happened even when she once stayed for a week. My advice is STOP!

The best reply would have been "How much does that hotel charge?"