My friend let me down because of rain

Erica23

I would have challenged the rain excuse, as it’s so feeble it’s obviously not the real reason. I would have been annoyed and disappointed too.
It’s difficult to know what’s going on, unless she tells you more.
I have a lifelong friend who since her DH retired has asked to meet at a local coffee shop instead of going to each others houses, I’m finding it very odd as her DH is out quite a lot too, she’s also ready to rush home after 45 mins. Maybe it’s me 🤷‍♀️

Hmm. That sounds a bit like retired hubby problems!!

You say you've had a very close relationship for many years so it's a shame if this now ends. the fact that it's raining is definitely not an acceptable excuse but she does seem to have several 'quirks'. I think maybe something more far reaching is the problem so it's up to you whether you want to want to approach her again and maybe say you're worried about her as saying it's raining isn't a very reasonable excuse for not meeting and you just wondered if she was OK.

Please don't just give up on her. It might be much more complicated than it perhaps appears. I think it would be a kind thing for you to try again rather than leaving it up to her...

Fair enough to be disappointed & the impetus is now on your friend. But try to be a bit laid back about the situation. I’ve got a very dear friend of at least 20 years who’s been to my home often but I’ve never set foot in hers. Dont even have her address tho it’s local. If I pick her up it’s outside a park near hers. Just accept these idiosyncrasies

I hundred percent would not be giving up on her yet. I agree with those who think she probably has another issue which is affecting things for her. You mentioned that she’s able to use the phone to call you but doesn’t answer the phone Perhaps that is anxiety It’s different if you’re the person making a call because you’re in charge of the call and it’s contents But if somebody rings you, it’s an unknown person and an unknown issue! There again you mention that she goes out to a singing group twice a week but you don’t say if she drives there or is picked up, perhaps she’s got anxious about driving. There could be any number of issues are going on here related to mental health, anxiety depression et cetera and as a good friend I would be trying to find out what those might be and see if she needs additional support.

Fartooold

I agree with people who feel there is probably more going on, please try and stay in touch she may be struggling.

That's what I think, too.

Maybe she was afraid of driving in the rain my mother would never drive in the rain or if it even threatened to rain. Perhaps your friend didn't want to admit she was frightend . I myself don't go out in the rain as I'm an a (leg) amputee and I'm scared to death of slipping

I too feel that it is quite probable that a person who has broken their hip and had it replaced might well be anxious about going out in the rain in autumn.

I don't know what the roads and pavements are like near you, but where I live there are piles of wet slippery autumn leaves, which can make even the most sure-footed person feel a bit apprehensive.

To me it seems strange that your friend neither likes using the phone, but perhaps her hearing is not good? or likes having visitors, but both these things may be beside the point.

If you want to keep up the friendship you either have to let this incident pass, or ask her straight out, whether she is afraid of falling on wet ground, as obviously if she is unwilling or unable to go out in the rain, you are unlikely to see very much of her over the winter.

For some people life is a schlep and any excuse not to participate is employed.
I once made a picnic for my friend and her son with a view to going down to the coast for the day .
Waiting for her-the phone rang.
It was too beautiful a day to waste as it was perfect drying weather for washing her net curtains.
And worse - I waited all afternoon for another friend to join us at a beach side cottage -all rent ,food and drinks plus transport provided .
Just move on ...

Definitely more going on, as others have said. People don't like to admit to frailty, or it might take them a while.

Baggs

Perhaps using the rain as an excuse was to cover something else. Perhaps she feels attacked by the Mental Elf and can't explain things to anyone else.

Just a thought.

It sounds as if she is restricted by all kinds of odd ideas, and maybe being out in the rain is the newest one.

That's kind of you to point this out Baggs. This could be anxiety. The friend could be having last minute jitters (can turn into actual terror) about leaving the house. Her house might be an absolute dump on the inside due to mental anxiety. She may feel she can't tell you all this. It's very real - annoying (even friendship-ending) for others but equally awful for her. On the other hand, it could just be she just doesn't want to see you enough to brave a bit of rain. Here are your choices - walk away and leave it at that. OR - Talk to her about it gently and non-judgementally. Tell her your friendship means a lot to you.
Just to add - I think seeing a friend four times a year is pretty good going actually.

She probably had some rampant toy boy straining at the bit. He probably lives with her, which is why she doesn't want visitors. Rain is a stupid excuse. I have to travel in the rain and don't own a car.

Esmay So she would have preferred lousy weather for a picnic?! Ridiculous.

Contraryme Did she fall and break her hip or was it an elective hip replacement, your post indicates both?

If she fell/slipped in the rain and broke her hip, that could be a valid reason to have lost confidence in going out in the rain. Other than that, perhaps her memory is declining and she just wants to be less social. We are allowed 🤗🤗

It takes all sorts to make a world and perhaps she simply doesn't like the phone (but will use it in extremis) and hates to get wet! I'd be disappointed too, but I wouldn't make it into World War Three.

I'm another in the nerves camp, I can quite easily loose my confidence & she does sound a bit cautious, even over cautious, at times.
I wouldn't take it personally, its just how she is.

Maybe she's neurodivergent? Feeling uncomfortable on the phone, not wanting people round and being unable to handle small changes like rain might be signs that she's 'differently wired'. Please don't give up on her just because of those things.

I was thinking maybe she has early onset dementia or something that you don’t know about has really upset her and she is not thinking straight.
Give her the benefit of doubt until you know for sure. Friends are precious she may be needing you more than you know.

I would leave the ball in her court. Try not to get upset, it seems to happen to many people. I try to get not upset now. Perhaps its run its course, who knows, but I avoid harsh words just let her drift away if that's how it is.

YorkLady

Did she have a fall when she broke her hip?
Maybe that’s dented her confidence and she was worried about the wet and it being slippery underfoot?

I had a really nasty fall that affected my balance and my confidence. I am still not walking as well as before, even though I did not break anything except my front teeth. But I now have a lot of health niggles that I did not have before.

They do say that broken bones in the older age group have a really bad effect, and can even cause death in the very old.

I used to be outgoing and the one organising, but now there are times when I really have to make the effort to go where I am expected, and have to push myself.

Try to be kind. She is an old friend with foibles. Likely wont have been the rain but some other reason. Could be anything.
Ask her if she is OK and suggest another meet up of her choosing.

I think I’d have been tempted to ask her had she never heard of umbrellas ! A poor excuse really especially not an hour before, what if you’d already started out to meet her. I would wait for her to contact you and if she doesn’t that says a lot I feel

Just hang on for her, she's been a good friend and so have you to her. Wait for her to contact you and have a good catch up, maybe you'll find out then

Think you may need to accept that the reality is,the friendship is over..Flogging a dead horse,and all that.

I think there's more going on here. And the fact it was raining was the last straw for her and giving her another problem to deal with.

Sounds like some sort of anxiety she is trying to cover up to keep her dignity.