Christmas! What should I do

My Sister in law asked me what I was doing for Christmas I replied I will be on my own as no one has invited me. She replied with I’m sure one of your friends will invite you, then she very quickly changed the subject

A few days later we were texting about what my Neice wanted from me for Christmas.

And obviously as an after thought a few minutes later she sent this, see below;

“How are you anyways xxx”

I was feeling very low so I replied with this, see below;

I’m ok ish a bit down, NAME is going away over Christmas & New year & even if he wasn’t he has to visit his mum on Christmas Day, I don’t have a mum or dad or nan or grandad as you know.

In fact the only family I have is ( DAUGHTER) & the girls & you & my BROTHER NEICE & STEP NEICE & nobody cares about me being alone at Christmas. It’s not that I particularly want to share Christmas with anyone in particular it just it would of been nice if any of you would had thought enough of me to ask if I was going to be ok but no one not one person has. It makes me feel so sad.

That I must be such awful company or be horrible to be around it hurts that’s all.

I’m sorry to tell you this. I’m feeling so sorry for myself that’s all xxxx

Well that was nearly 2 weeks away Iv sent a card & £100 for my Niece Christmas present & I haven’t heard a thing back

There are a few other close people in my life who all know I will be alone yet no one has invited me & it isn’t that I want to go that far to spend Christmas with them or anyone (?they live 3hrs away)

My Daughters husband & I don’t get on. Myself & my Daughter & Grandchildren have a Christmas lunch before Christmas & swap presents etc.

I’m a good person & I know people like spending time with me because when I ask her & other friends if they would like an all expenses paid night or weekend away they always agree.

I don’t know what to do now

Have I lost them for good?

Should I apologise?

Should I send it again incase she hasn’t received it ( she has said that before!!) I believe she’s used that reason as an excuse

I’m so low & lonely I feel so unwanted & unloved.

And the people closet to me ( including them know I have suffered from depression & many years ago tried to take my own life because I felt unwanted & unloved.

I have invited people to my home on a few occasions when I knew they would be on their own. I could personally never leave anyone out

Am I so awful to be around. I know I’m not I know I’m fun & I spoil people who Iv ever stayed with in the past

What should I do?? Xx