How many Grandads do we have?

...nothing quite like a handful of nuts, nellie...

Ooh yes soop my lovely pork scratchings just hope gramps doesn't cut his toenails at the bar so they get mixed up.....think Lils business would also prosper from a nuts on the bar approach don't you

Sorry nellie I was laughing so much, I mis-typed your name!

neelie...how about some pork scratchings for the chaps...

pete Lil says any waste can be claimed for ullage and it always best not to have ones drip trays full to overflowing, her big jugs are made to measure so one can get ones hands around them and they have handles appropriately named as love handles....as once seen everyone loves Lils big jugs.

gramps-
I am sure after sampling Lils ample bosom you will have a reassuring effect and your furry pipes will be in full working order,however she has also just ordered a stronger ale known as Bishops Hat so when asked what you prefer you can say I like Lils ample bosom I like big jugs so much so that I raise my*Bishops hat* in salute ......enjoy

nellie the carry-on at Lil's is unbelievable...I only tried one jug of 'ample bosom' but found it too much, as I always say 'More than a handful is a waste' ... (I left *gramps to it)

It would probably be 'ribald' if administered by Matron!
(But more fun )

No comment!

Dear Matron, I hear you have a cure for furry pipes"! Would you be so kind as to divulge the secret?

I understand it to be a very restricted form of ribald medicine, passed on only to those carefully selected practitioners of the forgotten arts!

ps. should be -"Tribal" medicine but then again -- -- !!

lil has introduced a new beer to her establishment it is called ample bosom the regulars are always asking to sample the afore mentioned she serves it in big jugs it is all ways worthwhile asking if you can see them before ordering if your are not sure I have seen many a man and boy become quite intoxicated at the sight of Lils big jugs and very excited about her ample bosom might be worth gramps paying her a visit as she is an expert at blowing through furry pipes and raising a head on the most reluctant of equipment.....

Furry pipes from Pete!

...just checked the 'last hour' page ...what was at the top???

jeni 's comment about HP!!!

Never met a man with a hairy penis

Furry pipes....no wonder the beer is cloudy... Thats it Lil I'm off to the 'Matrons Arms' to sample the goods on offer...

nellie thanks for bringing a to my day. You are a real treasure.

Well * gramps* you know the saying many a good tune played on an old fiddle,I am sure that must also apply to an organ whose pipes are furry....use it or lose it is Lil's motto,I am sure she has a remedy for descaling elderly furry pipes [grin ]

I gotta go home to bed now Dear Ladies. ----No whispering behind my back now!

TTFN

OH Nellie Dean, The pipes the pipes are withering,
O'er many years are withering away - go on Nell. You know the tune,

Whatever would our dear Matron have to say!

Good ole LIL has always been dogged in her attempts to raise the dead...glad it worked for you I always think vodka has such restorative properties that it should be available on prescription.
Now as a member of the nursing profession I have always believed in a hands on approach,and with LIL this also comes naturally to her,which is why she excels at the other oldest profession in the world.....she is sitting on a gold mine..

Thanks nag andjeni have seen gramps confession of being a born again virgin...

nellie Lil turned up with a bottle of vodka !! (so much for surgical spirit) and has nursed me back to full health by showing me several new positions to relieve the pressure sores.

Apparently gramps reckons he has got past puberty.(I've got my doubts!)

No he hasn't nellie!
He pops up all over the place these days!

soop my lovely really good to have you back hope you had a good time with wee man..
matron is here to answer any queries and share any gossip you may be aparty too

Naughtypete has been quite good since he had to take himself in hand and gramps has diss appeared completelyxxxx

I'm laughing very loudly. Mr soop wonders why! Pete and naughty Matron nellie your antics are the best tonic ever. Please continue to keep us entertained.