christmas with 2 sets of grandparents what is fair

Funny thing was Glass my daughter was staying at ours and she found me and dialled 999. her first words to me when I came around in hospital were

How could you dare wear those bloody tatty pyjamas on Christmas eve mam

annieg I'm wondering what you're thinking of the responses here. Have you found it helpful to hear the views of Gransnetters? I do hope so and that you feel less concerned at the prospect of sharing your family's time on Christmas day.

We are very fortunate that our children and their families live within about 15 minutes car journey from us. On Christmas Day,we (Including g gma and aged god mother) lunch with son - daughter in law and family (children still young) and other set of in laws and evening supper/tea with daughter - son in law and grandsons (older variety)!!!! Sorted!!!!! Everybody happy!!!! On Boxing day, visits to us from who ever wants to come. No rules - no pressure - just that we stay in our house!!!!! BIG family get together in New Year!!!

All I want for Xmas.... this is all about wanting isn't it.
Greatnan and gracesmum speak wise words.
My GD is 7. I have been with her on xmas twice and never in my house. GS 4 and seen him once on xmas. Both GKds on other side of planet.
Any grandparent who gets to see their GKds at xmas is very, very lucky and should not waste emotional energy being envious and comparing.

This is as good a justification for Boxing Day as any isn't it? Pressure off, lots of toys opened for the children to play with (and the grown ups) loads of easy food - cold turkey/ham/salads/pud etc. A bracing walk for stir-crazy kids (and hung over grown ups) and an end in sight You can see why I always prefer it to Christmas Day anyway!!

DD and I have Christmas Day to ourselves, and when the DGC's were young, used to go to see them with the presents that 'Santa' had left at our house. Now, in their 20's and with their own partners/children, they pop along to see us, sit around for a wee while, then nip off again to do their own things. On the way to do this, one of them will run me up to see our Great-grandson who's now two. There's no pressure, no fuss, and no meals to worry about, as none of us are all that bothered about turkey etc. As with the last few years, DD and I will be enjoying a fine Indian meal, which will have been delivered on Christmas Eve in readiness!
I can't see the point of considering what's 'fair' and what isn't, really.

I will spending Christmas Eve with DD2 and her husband and two children. At the moment, Christmas Day is unclear. It may be with DD2 or it may be with her inlaws. If at her inlaws, then Boxing Day will be with DD2. If at my DD2, then they will go to her inlaws and I will have a quiet day as I'm flying off to see my DD1 in Europe for a week which includes New Year's Eve!

Last year, DD2 and her inlaws came to me for Christmas. All worked well.

Greatnan I so agree with every word of your posting yesterday -particularly the sentence 'I think you are very lucky to be seeing your grandchild at all, some of us would give anything for such a privilege'
I send love to all grans who will be unable to see grandchildren .

Bags...when I read your message [10.31] I felt that you were speaking on my behalf. As you rightly say...it's the way it is...a case of wanting what we have, as opposed to having what we want [or can't have].

Don't understand why just the one day is such a special occasion. GC are probably happier to be in their own home with their own things on Christmas Day and the is always Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Perhaps I'm a wee bit cynical about all this, I came from a family with several of us working shifts over the holiday period and inevitably there were always a few people who had to be away on duty. Enjoy a quiet day and have fun on one of the other ones

Your post made me think that maybe that's what makes the difference, yoga – regarding christmas as a period rather than just one day. If christmas is just the midwinter period around what we call christmas and what we call new year, there's no pressure to have fun (to try to "be the same as everyone else") on one particular day.

We all get too hung up about the festive season! My two sons are still not speaking after a great fight last boxing day, so I will have to visit my sons seperately rather than have them over to me together. I am staying with my best friend for the holiday and will take each day as it comes.

Not guilty, Yummy! I spent last Christmas Day in New Zealand - my grandson looked after the BBQ and my daughter just had to do the salads and nibbles. No stress - one of the best Christmas Days we have ever had.

Most of our family go out together for a meal on Christmas Eve, at one of the local pubs, or within a radius of about 9 miles, then they all come round to our house on Christmas morning for present exchanging. They`re usually all gone by about 12 noon, then the rest of the day it`s just the 3 of us, doing what we want, when we want. We usually get invited to a couple of the other houses over the week between Christmas and New Year, and we have them all here at some time in that week as well. We once tried diverting from the Christmas morning routine, thinking that it was unfair for the littlies to be dragged out to us when they wanted to be home opening and playing with their presents, so we visited all of them instead, but they all complained afterwards that it wasn`t the same, so we reverted back to the old plan. Apart from the 4 year old, our grandchildren are grown up now, or some almost grown up, so are a bit more blase about Christmas than small kiddies.

I wonder if this has helped annieg to see things in a clearer light? I hope you haven't felt we don't sympathise with how you must be feeling, especially with such a new little grandbaby, but the consensus is that it is unwise and will end in tears if any of us is too sensitive to "fair shares" (whatever they may be) re our children and grandchildren. You say "Do I sound unreasonable, it is our daughter" - have you shared how you feel with her?

I arranged it so my DDs went to their in laws for the first Christmas, so that we had them the following year, when they were more "interesting". I did the same with Christmas Nativities/plays as well making sure it was my turn when they were older and had speaking parts. I am seen to be very generous letting this happen but am actually being very manipulative and selfish ;)

Can it be that when members ask 'Am I being unreasonable' they simply want to be told 'No, of course you are not'!

I don't think so; well, perhaps in some cases. It's very much a 'woman thing' to question our feelings and the reasoning behind our feelings. My daughter is always phoning me up to ask if she's being unreasonable about something, and I tend to do the same, but neither of us expect to be told we're in the right.

We mainly spent Christmas at home when the DSs were young. The only time we went to my parents my mother was so hyper that I said 'never again'. And we didn't.

And what's wrong with that Greatnan

I don't think annieg is being unreasonable. She is just expressing feelings any one of us might experience. And we are just trying to advise her of a way out of feeling like that.

annieg

I have a 1st GS who will be 3months at Christmas. DD and co live 50 miles away and will be coming over the day after Boxing Day. Its likely that SiLS sister and children will be over from Europe on Christmas day to see their relatives at home. So my GS will get cousin contact when he is old enough to appreciate it.

DD is a nurse and when she returns to work Christmas visits will be whenever she is off duty, baby or no baby.

I am a bit sad and jealous they will not be here on Christmas day, but it doesn't really matter what day you have your Christmas do. When the children are old enough they will enjoy a second special day.

As so many others of the wise and more experienced Grans have said say don't spoil your day by getting worked up about it.

JO5 A good point. I also really feel a bit upset, but I have to be realistic.

When my two were young we lived 25 miles from inlaws and 125mls from my parents who had my sisters children at Christmas.
I think DD being subject to shift work over Christmas has made me realise its not the end of the world. We have our big Christmas dinner etc when she is free.

I have posted an AIBU before, when feeling hard done by, as much as anything to let off steam. Not just to be told I am not being unreasonable.
It's easy to get worked up when stressed about things, writing it down and "bouncing" the situation off others is a good way to get things back in perspective.

I think what's probably happened is that annieg has been quite involved with her daughters pregnancy and had a sort of mental picture of what Christmas was going to be like with the new baby, and that has been taken away from her. I also think our hormones go a bit wappy [I sound like Daman here don't I and I gave him a rolicking for saying so ] when our daughters are pregnant [even those of us who lost our hormones ages ago] and that wouldn't help. It's understandable that she's feeling down about it but, as a new grandmother she's going to have to learn to bite her tongue and tread on eggshells for the next few years. It's amazing how much better we feel after a moan on here; am I right ladies [and gentlemen]. By the way, what happened to Daman? Still retreating somewhere?

Greratnan I don't want to hear about your last Christmas and how lovely it was. When I move over there next spring, I shall make a point of telling you how lovely things are in Wakefield – all the time.

I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, jingle, I just asked a question!
Now that the OP has had so many replies, it would be good to hear what she thinks.