Whats it really like living alon

Today, we are also lucky to have instant communication and connectivity. Whilst it's not always the same as having someone there with you, it's always nice to be reminded of the good that the internet does, as well as the fact that there'll always be someone online willing to chat.

Thank you for your replies. I think the common interest trips sound the most hopeful.
I wonder how much the Internet helps to get people in touch with like minded would be travellers.

I've been on my own the last 10 years - though really just about 5 since my mum died as before that I'd be seeing to her needs, and although I'm alone loads I very rarely feel lonely and I think there's the difference.
Went to Malta for my first holiday in 10 years last May - went with another 2 "girls" and thoroughly enjoyed the experience! Would love to take off on my own but I haven't mastered the courage to do that as yet... Good to read all the ideas here so maybe next year!

Matella, not specifically singles holidays, but I went on a good many Ramblers' Holidays in a number of different countries. There are both couples and singles and if you are brave you can opt to share a room with another single. I did that twice with a stranger and twice with a friend, otherwise paid for my own room. The couples were a friendly lot and usually socialised in the group. The holidays were available in different grades and I always opted for the easier ones! The secret with these holidays is that everyone has something in common - walking, enjoying the scenery and the local customs. If my hip hadn't given out, I might still be rambling.

Sounds gruesome! I suppose it might be ok if it was specifically a walking, craft, orsomething holiday.

Matella I tried this over 20 years ago and with the exception of a couple, absolutely awful. About 26 women and 2 odd men. Evening entertainment once was dancing to the sound of an ancient record player in Italy around 6pm. Not quite my style. I would hope that they have changed massively since then.

Has anyone explored holidays abroad that cater for singles? If so how was it?

To the posters with husbands with terminal illnesses please explore the possibilities of respite care in a hospice.

I tried that when dh was in hospital many times, I tried to prepare myself for the day he may not come home, I used to sit and think "right well this is what it is like" but believe me..you can never! imagine anything like that, even when he was in for a month, it's just a different scenario, even though the person is in hospital miles away you know they are still there.

Practical advice would be to try it sometime?!

I have lived on my own for 15 years now being widowed at 50. There are certainly huge adjustments to make. Only buying food for one in the supermarket was the first hurdle. I always overbought to start with. Getting up alone and going to bed alone is another. Waking in the night and the fear of being on your own is another. When you feel unwell it can be frightening. I have now lots of widowed friends in the same boat and that is the lifeline. Talk to them and share your fears. Go out every day and talk to people, that keeps you connected. Try to have a buddy to do things with as a companion. It has kept me going.

I've always been happy with my own comany which is not to say that I'm unsociable. I enjoy being part of a group and, more particularly, part of my family. I hate having to leave them when I've been to visit, but soon settle down into my usual idle routine. I read a lot and watch TV selectively.

I don't mind living on my own. I can do what I like when I like. I've never been happy to follow rigid routine so being able to please myself is fine. I like to keep busy, knitting, cooking, baking and some voluntary work. I also got a beautiful Westie 4 months ago and enjoy walking with her. No time to be lonely or bored.

It does not sound heartless to me, MeggyMay, just realistic, and if more people were more honest I think we'd find we are not alone in the way we think and feel. There must be a reason why a lot of older women prefer to stay on their own and I for one will not be looking for another so-called "relationship". I'll be better off on my own.

This prospect is looming on my horizon. My man has advanced terminal cancer and also dementia. I've been told that the end could come at any time. We have a farm pretty much in the middle of nowhere - beautiful but of course isolated. Due to his illness my husband doesn't really converse, as such, and I'm used to that. We have good friends and family not all that far away, and I've always been the one who planned and organised. I'm quite content with my own company, but am so exhausted and desperate for sleep that in truth it'll be a relief for us both when the time comes. I know that sounds heartless, but he is weary of feeling so rotten and he's just had enough of it.

Although I am not (yet) living on my own I can agree with what many people here have been saying. I have been married for 26 years to a man who thinks only of himself and who has a huge chip on his shoulder in that he thinks the world owes him whatever it is he is missing, which he cannot define, but which is nevertheless missing from his life, and it is all my fault ...

The light at the end of the tunnel is that he has now been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I can honestly say - and only because this is anonymous - that I cannot wait for him to die !!! I don't want him to suffer, I just want him out of my life so that I can get on with the rest of it and for once just please myself without having to plan everything around him, but still end up having done everything wrong, in his eyes.

I have contemplated both divorce and - briefly - murder in the past, but have now come to the conclusion that life sometimes really does comes up with unexpected surprises, and I can't wait to be on my own.

My husband of 37 years left me without warning 9 years ago.Although I am past retirement age, I still work part-time, which is a lifeline both financially and personally. I am fortunate to have a good social life with many loyal friends, and I have my lovely daughter, son-in-law and grandson who I see weekly. However, as others have said, it's coming home to an empty house, with no-one to ask 'how was your evening?' etc, that's difficult. But I still feel blessed and far more fortunate than some.

I have to agree Whenim64. I lived for 20 years with a mean selfish man who revelled in playing mind games!

I have now lived alone for almost 7 years and have never been happier or more content. I have my two gorgeous dogs who 'introduce' me to many aquantencies when we are out and about.

Yes, I have my friends, but no contact with my family, which is quite sad, but they never did want to acknowledge the horrible situation I lived in for 20 years, and thought I was totally insane for leaving 'a relationship'!! at the age of 65......I never feel 'lonely', but yes, there are the odd times I feel 'alone', but I had these feelings when I was married - and those were ten million times worse.

I think everyone is so different in as far as sharing your life with someone. I know of so many unhappy couples existing together, because they are frightened of being 'alone'.......It was the very best thing I ever did to decide to 'start again on my own'.

Since being on my own, I have fought though and won a horrible divorce situation (over 3 yrs). I have also fought and won my battle with cancer.
As bad as these times were, they come no where near living with someone and feeling so desperately unhappy, alone - and lonely. For me, that is the worst possible scenario. But then, we are all different - aren't we?

I have lived on my own since 2006. I was liberated for the first time in my life not having to plan meals, spending weekends washing and ironing cooking, cleaning. I was exhausted all the time in a very stressful job. Its only now reflecting back I was a total dogsbody. Then retired in 2011 and I felt lost, because not being on the treadmill there felt this big gaping hole to
fill. So I got a part time job which was over the christmas period and knew It was the wrong thing for me, as I was working in M&S seeing happy families and hearing christmas music. In the following year I discovered the U3A and I have never looked back. I started to learn Bridge which I now play three times a week, have Bridge holidays with like minded people and have made new friends. I am now 65 and life couldnt be better. Confident out going and value me now.I can also say I am happy. I love the dark cosy nights. Being able to please myself and watch rubbish tv without someone saying 'your not watching this rubbish are you' There is lots of positives to living on your own. Its your retirement, think of it as adventure and see go forth and enjoy.

ps The University of the Third Age is for retirees. If you havn,t got a computer your local library will have and from there google U3A and put your area which will show you all the groups in your area. Good Luck.

It's lovely living alone! I wouldn't do anything else!!

Having lived on my own for a long time - post divorce and children moving on - I echo a lot of what's been said. In a way, I'm almost antisocial as its sometimes tempting to decline an invitation and stay at home.
Someone mentioned how they were loneliest when living with a selfish man, and I can empathise with that. Now, I find the loneliest times are when in a social gathering where most are couples - not because they ignore me - just because.
And the other thing that I realise is that I miss physical contact - just a hug, or an arm round my shoulder. The only place I get it is at the hairdressers( Not a hug - but a head massage!), or when seeing family who live far away.
However there are lots of pluses - I can do what I want when I want, - I can be lazy about the housework, eat when I please etc.

One suggestion - join a choir - whether you can sing or not. When you sing you can't think about anything else - worries/ pressures disappear, and choirs are very supportive mini communities.

Dh died almost 13 years ago. Working has been my lifeline, however I have to retire when I'm 72 ( April 2017) due to DoJ having a compulsory age of retirement.
I think it will really hit me then

I have been on my own for 15 years since my last relationship ended. Now I love being on my own. It was easier when I was working because of the camaraderie at work. I do miss that. However, I can now do what I want, go where I want, when I want. I have friends who I go out with, when I want to and that gives me something to look forward to but everything else is on my terms. It might sound selfish but I am happy.

I sometimes think, would I like to have someone living in the house with me, for about 5 seconds and the answer is always NO!!!

Like many of you I chose to live on my own, at least now I have friends. I love my own company and sometimes goes for days without speaking to anyone. But I was at my loneliest when I was married, never being able to have friends and do my own thing always having to think of him first. I been on my own now for 21 years and I come first.

Like Barrow, I was married for over forty years and now find myself alone for the first time having married straight from college. In the first year there were so many things to sort out and the kept me busy. Family are great but none live within day- visiting distance and I didn't have close friends around. I too find the most difficult times are when I return home to an empty house (lights blazing as otherwise I wouldn't find the front door with no street lights in the country) and I have to wind down and adjust before I can go to bed whatever time I get in.

However, living alone does not equate to loneliness. As others have said, you can choose when to eat, sleep or whatever and watch what you like on TV or simply curl up with a good book although when you have spent years considering the needs of others, too, that needs some adjustments. I find I can be more alone in a crowd where people are talking of what they have to do for their families and so on than I feel in my own home.