I reallly want to change my life but dont know were to start

What a lot of interesting ideas from everyone on here . I believe in contentment also, and think it's that which we should be aiming for. As a few here have said, happiness comes and goes in quick flashes, but that's ok.
There is a poem with this line in it,
'are you breathing , just a little,
and calling it a life?' [can't remember more, or who wrote it, although it was a woman.] This always made me squirm a bit, as it seemed to sum up my life
not doing anything really worthwhile or interesting. So I made a list of things to improve my lot, and then thought I would tick the ones that I would want to try.Well, I would love to tell you that I ticked a few and tried them BUT the reality was,I didn't really want to do any of them, and actually my life was quite nice as it was.So perhaps I am meant to be someone who is breathing just a little and calling it a life. LOL.However, if you feel the need for change, putting them down on paper and really thinking about them is the way to go.Simply moving house and a bit of volunteering may [or may not] fit the bill.

That's lovely, experigran.

I was always told by my grandmother never to look to others for my happiness, I would only find it within myself. It's been quite a hard yardrule to follow at times, but it's true. I also forget it completely and have to remind myself. As others have said, true happiness comes in flashes and fairly infrequently (for me) but most of the time I jog along contentedly - and for that I am grateful, because the miserable times can be dire.

My grandmother also made me read all the Pollyanna books. I really disliked that child. It's hard not to become more cynical and pessimistic as we see how awful life can be, too. I used to think that the people who remained happy and optimistic had maybe not had much to upset their equilibrium.

Wise words indeed!

Over twenty years ago I was in a position where my life had changed, and I was unhappy with it. I had been through bankruptcy, eviction from my home and divorce among other more personal problems with my teenage daughter and ended up in a small rented flat. I had, in fact, lost everything.

One day I really took stock and listened to the things I was saying to myself. I made a conscious decision to change. I decided that, as I was the only person that I HAD to live with, I would treat myself as I would treat a best friend and I would not say anything to myself that I would not say to my best friend. I asked myself what I would like to eat and laid the table properly, before relaxing with a dvd or my favourite tv programmes. It was only when I was happy with myself that I started to get better. It wasn't easy and it took a while to stop running myself down. We are extremely cruel to ourselves.

Later I joined a social club and improved my social life. It was a club for single people, not a dating club, but set up so that you did not have to be alone because you were not one of a couple. If you wanted to go to the cinema, you would put a note on the board with your phone number and sometimes there were as many as twenty turn up to see the film. A night at the local pub for a quiz night became the norm. I was in my fifties at the time and fifteen years on, I still have many friends from that time.

Now I am content with my lot, a much better word than happy, but I remember that time and still try never to speak badly to myself.

I don't think Jadey is on the forum anymore...there doesnt seem to be a profile for her.

Hi Jadey. Hope you are feeling better now, more alive, not as if you are just existing. Have a lovely Christmas and a happy new year.

Not a cheeky question JO, 42 years in January gone . [and it don"t seem a day too long] Why? and lots of them

With you around , I wouldn't think any body else is either

I would include boredom as unhappiness. I think. But I'm not often bored.

Well, perhaps I was having a bad moment! But I really think most people spend a great deal of time in the middle to lower sphere of the happiness/unhappiness scale. Interspersed with days or flashes of true happiness.

Oh, jingle, how terribly sad your post made me. Do you really think that most people are unhappy more often than they are happy? It certainly is not true for me. Throughout my life I have had some periods of boredom, or hard work, and lately some sadness, but I am sure if I were able to tot it all up I would find I had been happy for much longer than all the other feelings.

I met her when I was doing my house jobs in Westbromwich the herb of grace was in an old bookcase on the doctors residence, as I was bored on call one evening waiting for a case to come in I started reading it! I was hooked!

Galen, I remember reading those when I was a teenager. I loved Elizabeth Goudge. Some of her books were serialised in the Woman's Journal, which my mother had delivered monthly. I willed her to get through with it so that I could devour it. They also serialised Georgette Heyer's novels. You don't get magazines like that any more. Great knitting patterns too.

I'm feeling down so I'm rereading the Elliot's of Damrosehay series. I always find Elizabeth Goudge soothing. I'm still longing for my favourite, the herb of grace to come on kindle. The other two already are!

Loved that book - it was genuinely uplifting and expressed something I have occasionally had the urge to do- just set off towards somewhere and keep going!

I agree with Flowerfriend . It took me a while after losing my Husband to make myself do anything constructive. Then I began to volunteer in a local charity, loosely connected with my previous job, and met others, of various ages, with a similar outlook and life then had some meaning again. I've now gained enough confidence to go to the cinema,and once even to the theatre ,on my own. It's amazing how often I end up talking to someone else on their own. I do still prefer the times spent with friends, and especially with my DD, SIL AND GCH, but,apart from going on holiday, am not afraid to 'go it alone' rather than do nothing with my retirement years.

I believe you can be "as happy as you make your mind up to be" - it's a conscious act of will, putting aside whatever it is that makes you unhappy - for an hour, a day or even a week. .

Research into happiness seems to show that doing kind things for others makes us happier than anything else. So volunteering is a great suggestion. Homestart is a good way for grandmothers to share their kindness and experience. Many towns have a website where charities list their voluntary work vacancies.

Thanks Y london

That'll be it Galen.

Well done Jadey. What area do you live in?

Jingle but fools seldom---------

You won't find happiness by chasing it; but often it catches you unaware. You haven't chased it, Jadey, but you have allowed it into your life.

Galen! I nearly posted that quote! Great minds eh?

Hi I went on the Homestart website today and volunteered myself for a couple of projects, really happy about that. Hey I used the word happy, well thats all thanks to Proffessor Gran-netters. I was broken and you fixed me with your help advise and information I was just looking to change a few things and needed something meaningful

I haven't ruled out moving because I have moved quite a bit in my life and cliquey villagers don't scare me but I am aware that I would need to make lot's of effort to be accepted.

Thank you x