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Access to grandchildren

(15 Posts)
buntyndaisy Sat 26-Oct-13 11:43:12

Hi everyone, this is a long story and wont go into to much detail. My daughter and husband split over a year ago, my daughter became very ill with mental health problems afterwards but is now much better and her ex husband has residency of their 4 children, my daughter applied for more access and her husband was not happy and things have gone from bad to worse, she is not seeing her children at the moment, as it is going back to court to vary the access arrangements as her ex mother and father inlaw supervised the access but the ex father inlaw was was in agreement with his son, I saw my grandchildren on only 2 hours of that access but now dont see them either, its heartbreaking, I have tried to reason with my ex son inlaw but he never replies to any requests, he did say to my daughter if she takes it back to court he will do everything in his power to stop her seeing her children again, my daugher has been amazing, stopping at nothing to see her children again, I'm so proud of her. But how do others cope with this situation, at the moment I have a lot of crying spells and feel quite depressed, I miss my grandchildren terribly, they were a big part of our lives, any help would be so appreciated, even some moral support, I realise its a common occurance but ever so cruel on the children, what will it do them in the future, anyway thankyou for reading and look forward to any replies.

nightowl Sat 26-Oct-13 11:52:29

buntydaisy this is such a sad and not uncommon occurrence when a parent has mental health issues. You say the case is going back to court and I hope your daughter has good legal representation from someone who has some knowledge of mental health.

I wonder if you have sought legal advice as well to see whether you can apply to the court for a contact order in your own right. I know there are grandparents on here who have done this, in different circumstances and they may be able to offer advice. It might also be worth you contacting 'Mind' to see whether they can offer any advice. Good luck, it can't be good for your grandchildren to lose all contact with their mother and loving grandmother flowers

buntyndaisy Sat 26-Oct-13 12:20:47

Thankyou for your reply. My daughter does have a very good solicitor but not sure if she is entitled to legal aid, her solicitor is fighting for it as my daughters is being subjected to emotional abuse by her ex husband, even so her solicitor said she can write letters ect to courts and help her over the phone, I dont really want to apply for access yet, so as not to cause any more problems and any way we may need some money for tthe solicitor to represent my daughter in court, my daughter is very much better, she has borderline traits only and always managed her children before, very well in fact, keeping a home together, going to college and 3 children at the time, it was only when her ex husband wanted out of the marriage whilst she was pregnant that sent her into a crisis of depression and self harm, she is much better with medication and regular visits to gp ect. I did phone MIND and am on the waiting list for couselling, 6 months plus.

Mishap Sat 26-Oct-13 12:35:46

I can only send huge commiserations. Bad enough to have DD with mental health problems without all the access to GC problems. My DD suffered severe ante-natal depression and that period of many months is not one I would want to return to. I send all my good wishes and hope that a resolution to this problem will be forthcoming.

Minty Sat 26-Oct-13 14:46:09

Has your daughter got support?
I think it very unlikely that she will be able to get legal aid, as there were changes earlier this year.
She could try:

Kiora Sat 26-Oct-13 23:56:02

I'm not going to tell you not to worry because you will. I know because I remember the absolute terror I felt when I was in your position, what terrified me most was what would happen to my daughter if she 'lost' we were lucky and she got legal aid and we had a magnificent solicitor. In these cases you should be assigned a caffcas officer. (I'm not sure this is the correct acronym). They talk to the children and both parents and no matter what the judges always always follow the recommendations of their report. My daughters ex was very plausible and manipulative and I was terrified that he would 'fool' the officer but these people are very well trained and they saw right through him. It's important to be honest and open with them. Keep every mobile message he sends, get testimonies from the children's school. ( my grandchildren's head teacher gave my daughter a wonderful one) From my experience I want to reassure you both that she most definitely will get reasonable access to her children. I don't really know how I coped I just remember that I had to for her so I did. There's nothing stronger than your love for your own child and if that child is in pain or trouble some maternal instinct takes over making you brave and strong you'll be capable of things you never thought possible. Like me you'll probably have a major wobble after the event. Good luck, stay strong it may be a long painful process but in your darkest days remember your doing it for your girl and the children. You will get justice. So fight fight fight ))))))))))hugs(((((((((( for both of you

buntyndaisy Thu 31-Oct-13 19:08:54

Good news today, access to the children will be 3 times a week, supervised by my husband and me, my daughter is over joyed and we are all elated, we cannot wait to see them all on saturday, the children have been asking for ages to go to mummies or nannies, we are so happy.

Grannylin Thu 31-Oct-13 19:30:06

More good news, fabulous flowerssmile

gratefulgran54 Thu 31-Oct-13 19:37:43

That is so good to hear bunty, chuffed to bits for all of you flowers

LizG Thu 31-Oct-13 20:05:26

Amazing news Bunty

Kiora Thu 31-Oct-13 21:46:07

Thanks for the update I am soooo very pleased have a wonderful time you've made my day

celebgran Thu 31-Oct-13 22:12:38

That's wonderful news for you and your daughter buntydaisy

buntyndaisy Fri 01-Nov-13 09:50:26

Thankyou everyone for your kind messages xx

LENNIE21 Tue 01-Jul-14 22:13:11

hi, I need help trying to gain access to two of my grandchildren, any help welcomed

seasider Wed 02-Jul-14 07:34:10

Lots of grans on here who should be able to give you some good advice. Good Luck . smile