Christmas Dilemma

Neeny

I would definitely spend the same on them. You will only be doing right by your son after all.

It sounds as they are a joy to you all after troubled times and I wish you all an enjoyable Xmas.

My DS's wife is a wonderful stepmother to my senior GD and her lovely parents treat her just the same as their true grandchildren. I can't say how grateful I am to them for being so kind to my lovely GD.

Ah, my sympathies MrsSB. I had a similar situation with my ex-DiL's children, who didn't have contact with their own grandparents. I used to buy decent presents for their birthdays and Christmas, having become their 'honorary' grandmother, too. I was still working then, and could afford to, but if I was in the same situation now I'm retired, I would struggle. I suppose it depends on their age and level of understanding. I used to take my own grandson out for treats and have him to stay so I could spend special time with him. He's nearly 14 now and remembers the time we did things together, more than the presents I bought him. Come to that, I struggle to remember presents given, too.

Whenim64, my situation is slightly different in that my son's partner's daughter doesn't see her dad, or his parents (none of them have bothered to try to see her since she was 2 - she is now nearly 14), nor do any of the children see their mum's parents, so we are the only "grandparents" she has. I think that's probably why we've always tried to treat her the same as the others. If she already had grandparents who were buying her lots of gifts, and two dads effectively as well, then we may well do differently. It's very sad that her dad and his family haven't cared enough to get to know the beautiful girl she is growing up to be, very much their loss I think.

My Christmas list seems to grow each year and consequently the amount spent has to decrease accordingly. The thing is it is not always the cost of a present that makes it more suitable. My grandchildren, of whom there are 11, range from 27 - 14. There are now 3 great grandchildren under 3. The older they are, the more difficult it gets and often £10 in a card is more acceptable. I try to limit it between £10 - £20 each. The less you have to spend, the more thought you have to give.

As for treating step-children differently, it would definitely cause resentment. There is enough sibling rivalry without that!

possibly harrigran as they are getting older! but at the mo with our GS at 7 I don't think he would notice too much!

I had been wondering about this situation, when more GPs come into the equation, do the biological GC then feel they are getting less ?

I have six grandchildren and two 'honorary' grandchildren, who have two sets of grandparents. My new DIL told me not to think I have to start shelling out the same amount of money on her two from her previous marriage, as a) they have far too much and b) they have grandparents buying for them already. I'll put some thought and creativity into what I give them, though - they're gorgeous kids. They understand I am their baby brother's grandmother. I'm glad DIL raised it with me. She's a sensible woman.

no doubt there are few other in the same situation..me being one of them, we only have 1 GS whos now 7 and I do spoil him and have no quarms about that...but as DD has now got married last Feb and her new OH has a son 2 yrs older ...he has this week gone to live with them (long story) and seems to be settling in ok...I now feel like I have to buy equal as it is obvious he is going to become part of the family although this could change at any moment in time... Im not sure if the other Gran.would or will treat my GS the same (ie same value/amount of gifts etc) especialy at Christmas......so my GS is going to have to have his gifts reduced as we have a very tight budget, so yes I will be treating them both the same as much as possible as if they were! blood siblings they would be getting equal....I havn't come across this situation before so all new to me..but feel they should all be treat the same...

I'd agree that going to the trouble of finding out what they want is more important than spending exactly the same, as long as they feel they are equally treated the actually money sums don't matter.
I remember years ago my dad giving my small kids a huge pile of presents because he had spent a lot on cassette players (or whatever it was then) for his older grandchildren. It was kind but a bit ott.

My GSs all want money these days.

As long as I can be sure that the presents are what they really want and will enjoy, I don't think it matters if I spend different sums on my various GC.

I do that Mishap and with the DCs and their partners. It's so difficult to a) find suitable presents and b)ensure they're all the same value!
Neeny I think your new DGCs are blessed to have you and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with them.

My grandma was so determined to be fir that she used to give us the difference between the value of presents in cash - going a bit far I feel!

Ooops, dont know what happened there, my post has appeared twice. Sorry!

Oh most certainly yes, if you are able to. We have five biological grandchildren, and our son's partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. We treat her exactly the same as our biological grandchildren, and always have from the time our son has been with her mum. So far as we are concerned, we have six grandchildren, and we love her as much as we love the others. She is part of our family.

We spend around a certain sum on each child. As the children get older, their gifts become fewer and smaller in size, because of the nature of the things they enjoy. They understand that the little ones may receive more or larger items, but they understand about the values of what they are receiving and we've never had any problems with one child having a smaller 'pile' than another.

Oh most certainly yes, if you are able to. We have five biological grandchildren, and our son's partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. We treat her exactly the same as our biological grandchildren, and always have from the time our son has been with her mum. So far as we are concerned, we have six grandchildren, and we love her as much as we love the others. She is part of our family.

We spend around a certain sum on each child. As the children get older, their gifts become fewer and smaller in size, because of the nature of the things they enjoy. They understand that the little ones may receive more or larger items, but they understand about the values of what they are receiving and we've never had any problems with one child having a smaller 'pile' than another.

Hope you have a happy xmas neeny Lucky kids to get a nice new set of grandparents. And of course the gifts that matter most are the things that money can't buy - teaching them to cook, garden or sharing whatever interests and hobbies you enjoy.

Thanks for all the comments. It was my firm feeling that they should all be the same. I know from experience what it's like to be treated differently (I was the favoured GC of my Dads parents and I know how awkward I felt amongst my cousins because of it).

I only questioned the approach because of the comments made by a friend. I haven't been in this situation before and was I suppose just looking for some reassurance.

They will indeed receive the same value of gifts as the others. They are part of our family.

My post posted when I had pressed preview.

I was going to add Neeny I had grandparents who treated the older grandchildren more favourably than the last few. I still remember getting a cheap ugly dress while my cousins received cameras. I might not have expected a camera as I was younger but this was the normal Christmas Day lunch at my grandmother's house for me. If you can't treat the children the same on Christmas Day don't have them over.

I can't ever see how it works spending exactly the same amount on each child. I buy gifts of equal value but some people don't seem to understand children want to be treated the same. For example my ex husband the world's worst gift giver and his wife gave my eldest GD a stuffed poodle hand bag last year while her cousins all received two gifts. She burst into tears and at some other event ex's wife said she couldn't understand GD getting upset as they had spent the same amount of money on each child. and the poodle handbag cost the same Ex's wife, nice as she is, is apparently up there with the WWGG, from reports from her own children.

Give all the children gifts of equal value and if you give one child two gifts give all the children two gifts.

Yes absolutely spend the same on these grandkids. I wish there was a better word after all this time than "step" and all the connotations that go along with it. Looking at it from their point of view, you are their grandparents, although not the first ones. No steps involved!

Oh yes spend the same on each child. We have always treated her the same as our blood grandchildren they truly think of her as their cousin. She paid us the most wonderful compliment this year when she became legally adopted and took our name. We all adore her. She was 16 this year we've been her nanna & grandad since she was just 3

Oops I seem to have posted this thread twice!! Sorry.

How do I delete the second thread?

Thank you so much for the advice. This was my gut feeling too and it was only yesterday when a friend looked at me with such surprise and suggested that I must make a difference by favouring my "own" GC that I began to waiver.

The youngest two children absolutely adore my DS and he has assumed a father role with them although their own dad is still very much a part of their lives. The oldest child gets on well with my DS. They are great kids and have wasted no time in becoming a firm part of the family.

I think my DDIL will notice and might have a view but as suggested by Elegran I think I will have a conversation with her tomorrow.

thanks again.